WrestleCrap just hit its 18th birthday earlier this month, and during nearly our entire existence we’ve loved inducting game shows featuring pro wrestlers. Be it Double Dare, Singled Out, or even other episodes of Family Feud, it’s a true passion for us. I mean seriously, what could be better than watching your in-ring favorites forgo attempting to KO each other, but instead battle with their wits in an unscripted setting?
And trust me, when I say “your in-ring favorites”, I could never possibly mean it more than what I am about to present this evening.
Fun fact: this induction actually started as an entirely different one – I was going to cover a different wrestling episode of Family Feud, one which took place in 2007. In fact, I was about halfway through it when I discovered THIS episode of the Feud. Taking place in 1993, it featured a veritable cornucopia of WrestleCrap inductees. We’re talking Batista or Papa Shango. I know you’ll agree I made the correct choice.
With that said, I won’t let that other partially written induction go to waste, however – I plan on finishing it in the next week or so and putting it up as a Patreon exclusive. So be a dear, and throw a couple bucks our way, won’t you?
If not, I fear I will look as Ric Flair did on that episode, when he kept playing to the crowd incessantly (after answering exactly one question correctly!) only to be yanked aside by John O’Hurley who told him, and I quote, “Come on – we have a show to do here!”
But not poor us. Oh no, not poor us by ANY stretch of the imagination. This may be the single greatest pro wrestling game show EVER.
Enough hyperbole – let’s play THE FEUD!
If you have no understanding of how Family Feud is played, click here – I don’t want to waste valuable keystrokes explaining it when The Repo Man awaits.
Yes, THAT Repo Man, of stealing children’s bikes on WWF television Repo Man fame. He’s a CONTESTANT ON THIS SHOW. A major, major, top of the card contestant!
I seriously may have never been more excited to write about anything in YEARS.
Allow me to introduce you to our host of the festivities, Mr. Ray Combs. Combs would have been the second host of Family Feud, and he was the poor soul with the impossible task of attempting to follow Richard Dawson.
For the 99.5% of you reading this who are too young to remember Dawson, who would attempt to kiss and fondle the female contestants on the show. Didn’t matter if they were young hotties or blue haired beauties, he was groping and smooching. Dude was a total sleaze ball, but he was a very funny and charming sleaze ball, and it was the 1970s, where basically anything went. While Combs was no Dawson, he did accomplish one thing Richard never would:
He appeared at a WrestleMania! WrestleMania VIII, to be exact (and I was there live!), and during his appearance, he insulted the Nasty Boys. Eh…maybe he was better than Dawson. I didn’t like them either, Ray!
The families on this very special episode would feature the good guys vs. the bad guys. You may think I am exaggerating about how these teams were named, but rest assured I am not. That is EXACTLY how they were dubbed:
It was GOOD…
I legit can’t stop laughing at that.
The patriarch of Good would be none other than “Macho Man” Randy Savage, all decked out in the most ghastly neon purple and green inks spandex could contain. Macho explains to us that they will be “rocking and reeling and dancing on the ceiling” as they play for the WWF’s very own HEADLOCK ON HUNGER. OH YEAH!
Over to the EVIL side we go, where Shawn Michaels is at the helm. HBK explains that they are playing for a Boy Scout troop out of Las Vegas. I’m not entirely sure, but I almost think that has to be a rib. Sounds like a code for something.
So we start with the (short-lived) Bullseye round, and our first question is, “When cooking, name something people add a dash of.” Shawn rings in first, correctly answering “salt.”
He then laughs in Savage’s face like a total douchebag.
Serious question: how is it possible that we had Randy Savage and Shawn Michaels both in the WWF, both near the primes of their careers (Savage slightly past his, HBK slightly before), and the only FEUD we ever got was of the FAMILY variety?
That’s so very wrong.
Next up, we get Jimmy Hart vs. Tatanka (BUFFALO!), who are quizzed with “Name somewhere families go almost every Sunday.” The Native American correctly calls out “church” then spins around in a dance so unremarkable I won’t waste a GIF on it. Trust me, you ain’t missing anything. Besides, I cannot be the only one bothered when I note that so far, Tatanka is the only guy showing up in only his wrestling skivvies.
Put on some pants, Chavis!
IRS vs. Kona Crush (brah!) battle for $3,000 with “name something you buy..by the bottle…that can cost a little or a lot.” Crush gleefully hollers “WHISKEY!” And yes, that is naturally the top answer. Looking at his fantastic mane, I have to believe the judges would have also accepted “conditioner.”
It just keeps getting better, as up next we have Big Bossman vs…
…the always incredible REPO MAN. Mad props to him for doing a little duke-a-roo in an attempt to intimidate the law man from Cobb County in this war of intelligence. “Name someone associated with Julius Caesar.” And we get…silence.
Ok, that’s almost as good as the faux punches.
Bullseye ends with Papa Shango and Reverend Slick, with the former trying to look scary and the latter making a “you have stinky breath” motion. They are asked to name something people spend months planning down to the very last detail. Shango immediately buzzes in with “vacations”, but is trumped by the good reverend, who notes the proper answer would be “weddings.”
Finally it’s time to play the actual game, and once more Shawn and Macho take the stands. Combs asks, “Your best friend may not want to tell you that you have dandruff. What else is something they may not want to tell you?”
Shawn’s answer? “That you have a bad personality!”
While I have zero doubt Shawn heard that plenty of times during this stage of his life, it gets the big ol’ red X signifying no one surveyed answered in a similar manner. Sorry, kid.
Macho notes that folks may be like Shawn Michaels…and thus it’s bad breath!
Good job, Mach! Let’s celebrate by listening to your amazing WCW theme!
The good guys decide to play, and next we get Tatanka suggesting that folks may not want to tell you about your acne. He is so pleased with this (terrible) answer that he gives us yet another screwball dance.
This screwball dance to be exact.
No wonder it never rained on the reservation.
That strike was for his answer, not my joke, although I could see it applying to either.
Crush goes with body odor.
Here I was hoping for “vastly inferior hair to mine.”
Eh, the big guy made the right call.
Bossman, what do you think?
“Your shoes smell bad!”
Combs, although seemingly baffled by the response, attempts to bail the big guy out by saying he apparently meant you had foot odor.
Not that it matters.
The former ghetto blaster blaring jive talker turned man of the cloth notes that something you may not want to tell a friend is that there has been a tragedy in your family. Ok, that’s at least better than your shoes smell bad.
But not enough that anyone would possibly answer it.
So over to the bad guys we go, as they huddle up and determine that the best possible answer would be that your wife is cheating on you. Shawn is almost giddy as he exclaims, “I’ve done a lot of that…messing around on your girlfriend!”
And almost poetically with that answer, the bad guys take the lead.
This would lead to our first commercial break, but before we go there, let’s stare for an uncomfortable amount of time at Papa Shango’s chest.
I have no clue why the director would decide to point the camera at the big guy’s pecs for a solid 10 seconds, but he does. It’s probably one of those mysteries in life left best unsolved.
To the double round we go, and our first question: “What would you do if you had a friend at a party that got very drunk?” Jimmy rings in late, and says, “I’d have him arrested!” The judge notes that he rang in late, to which Combs quips, “Oh who cares, it’s not going to be up there!”
Tatanka jumps in and tells us he’d ask his tanked kimosabe to hit the bricks.
Thinking I am glad I never partied with either of these guys.
Irwin (or as Combs calls him, “THE IRS MAN”) brings some sanity to this, noting he’d call his buddy a taxi cab. That would be the third most popular answer, which gives the do-gooders one last chance to take control.
Which they do when Kona Crush says he’d give them a ride home. Hopefully on a surfboard, and his lush cronie would be residing at a luau.
Bossman then notes he’d attempt to sober them up, which is also on the board. And definitely a better answer than I had in mind for the guy to use, which was “beat them with a nightstick.”
The Slickster tells us he’d put them to bed, which is ALSO up there. So the good guys only need ONE more correct answer to put them into the lead.
They don’t get it from Savage, who notes he would, and I am quoting here, “TIE THEM UP!”
Nor do they get it from Tatanka, who says he would shove food down their gullet.
Crush decides to one-up Macho by stating he wouldn’t simply tie his friend up, he would BEAT THEM UP instead.
Combs gives a PSA to all viewers by noting, “You don’t want to party with Crush.”
The bad guys now get a chance to steal, and Combs goes up the line asking each of them for ideas. These ideas are nearly as horrible as tying them up and pummeling them, with Jimmy saying to throw them in a shower (“drown them!” bellows Combs) and IRS suggesting “make them throw up!”
The heck with Crush and Savage, I don’t want to party with ANY of these fools.
Fortunately, it’s Shawn to the rescue, noting he’d take their keys. Winner winner. With that, the bad guys are just running away with this, and it’s going to take a miracle for Savage and his drunk friend pummeling lackeys to make a comeback.
IRS vs. Crush gets us started, with this brain teaser being posed: “Name something you might do for a little old lady.” Irwin notes he’d help her across the street. I thought this guy was a heel? Regardless, it’s the top answer and the heels take control once more.
Repo says he’d help her with her groceries. (If that’s the case, she better not have put that asparagus on a payment plan, or it will wind up in Barry’s fridge.) Amazingly, they give “carry packages” to him as an equivalent answer, which is in fact the second most popular response.
Papa Shango says he’d open the door for her, which is also up there. You’re lucky, pal – if I had been the judge, I would NOT have accepted that answer, solely due to the fact that Shango didn’t even bother to put his voodoo white face on for this show.
Shawn notes he’d feed her, which gets the big red X, as does Jimmy’s idea of “lending her money.”
Not giving her money – LENDING her money, apparently until her social security check shows up.
I’d be hanging my head too, Mouth.
Irwin saves the day for the bad guys by noting he’d mow her lawn (5th most popular)…
…before it all comes crashing down when Repo suggests he’d give her a ride.
I bet if he had said “on the bike I repo’ed from that 10 year old”, it would have been on the board.
All of this leads to what would be the good guy’s final shot. Could they somehow toss a Hail Mary to help out the Somalians?
Last chance…what is something you could do to help a little old lady?
To which Randy Savage SCREAMS, in the creepiest manner possible: “Help her out with some MEDICATION!!!!”
Shockingly, Granny wasn’t looking to get roided to the gills.
So the bad guys win, and thus they get to choose two folks to compete in the bonus round.
As you would expect, Shawn takes center stage as one of those competitors.
As you would hope and only dare to dream, the other spot is taken by…
REPO REPO REPO REPO MAN!!!!
Shawn goes first, and here are the questions:
— What is something gas station attendants used to do for you in the old days?
— Something that chocolate candies are filled with.
— A sport where people get hit.
— Something people where that is white.
— Something you squeeze lemon on or in.
Just like that, Shawn proves he isn’t just Mr. WrestleMania, but Mr. Lightning Round as well. Heck, he almost got the whole 200 by himself!
Cue the Repo Man…
…who very stealthily makes his way to the middle of the nuclear bright stage. Combs tells him, “Sir, you only need to repo 19 points to take home all that cash.” Then we get the following visual, which may be my favorite in this site’s entire existence:
For the record, these would be the answers that our hero gave in hopes of garnering those 19 points.
— Wash your Windows
Lets roll out those answers!
What, you thought he’d need more than one?
And with that, we end this game and the induction the only way we possibly could. With a…
If I don’t see that exact same image take the inter webs by storm in the next 48 hours, I’m giving up all hope in humanity!