It might come as a shock to you, but at one point I was a wrestling fan. And there was one promotion I loved more than any other: Women of Wrestling, or simply WOW as it was known amongst friends. Once I discovered it, shortly after it began airing I believe, I never missed a show.
The question you probably have is why a woman would like a show that was so blatantly designed around showing women in as little clothing as possible wrestling. The answer is actually pretty simple: it was stupid, over the top entertainment. I’m not really sure if the wrestling was actually “good” or “bad”, but it was always fun to watch.
If you want to know just how much I loved watching this show, consider the fact that when they had a pay-per-view event, I begged my dear husband to order it. Yes, I was willing to shell out $20 or whatever it was just to watch what was basically a three-hour version of their television show. And unlike Blade, we actually chose channel 87 and not channel 90.
(Note from RD: I suspect he’d watch channel 92 at 7:30pm. I don’t even want to know what that show is.)
Which reminds me…you will note a few differences between this induction and those written by RD, Blade, Harry, or the others. Just to warn you, this article will be lacking the following:
– References to genitalia
– References to porn stars
– References to, or sounds resembling gas, or any bodily function for that matter
– Implications that someone in the induction might have preference of being in a “same sex” relationship
– References to bad 80’s films or music
– “SPEAKING OF…” references. Just typing it might make RD actually say it, and yes, he does say it in “real life” like he says it on the show. Just imagine how fun that is at Thanksgiving with the family.
I know this might upset some readers (I refuse to degrade you by calling you “Crappers”), but I hope I can do a decent job with these omissions.
The first match of the evening was Jacklyn Hyde versus Randi Rah Rah.
Jacklyn was a mental patient diagnosed with schizophrenia. Her entrance video showed her tied up to a bed as doctors sadly looked on. She then escaped, with the same doctors subduing her by jabbing a needle in her neck. Why these doctors (one of whom is named “Sarah Bellum”) would then escort her to the ring is beyond me.
Randi Rah Rah is, naturally, a cheerleader. She was actually in a tag team with Patti Pep, but the two broke up before I started watching, with Patti joining up with the “Fabulous” Lana Starr and becoming Patti Pizzazz. More on her later.
Oh, Randi won the match, since Jacklyn didn’t use guest host Bobby Heenan’s advice of moving the eye patch over Randi’s good eye.
Next up we get the Beach Patrol, a pair of blonde bimbos straight out of Baywatch, to the point that their entrance video shows Sandy and Summer (ugh) running along the beach with a David Hasselhoff lookalike (and a poor one at that – he’s nowhere near hairy – or greasy – enough).
They fight Paradise and Farrah, the Persian Princess. Farrah is a belly dancer. I suspect that she is still a dancer somewhere, but I doubt it’s at a restaurant.
The match winds up with Farrah pinning Summer and Sandy pinning Paradise. Or vice versa, I can’t tell most of these girls apart.
Next we get a special look at two of my favorites, “Fabulous” Lana Starr and her protege, Patti Pizzazz. I loved Patti so much that when we got our second toy poodle, we actually named her “Piper Pizzazz”. She’s about as peppy, and as smart, as Patti’s character was.
The two are hanging out in front of Mann’s Chinese Theater, signing autographs. I am sure that the people there had zero idea who these women are, but were like, “Cool – cameras!” and wandered over.
And here’s David McClane, the usual WOW announcer (note from RD: he also owned the promotion, along with the old GLOW organization). He’s hitting on someone named Jeannie Buss, who owned the Lakers or something.
He’s a buffoon, but I have to admit that the bit where he switched his crappy flowers for the nice ones at the receptionist’s desk was pretty funny.
Back to the arena, where Jane Blond shows up. As you might suspect, Jane is a spy. Ironically, she is a brunette.
Her entrance video showcases her stealth by walking through a fence with a hole in it. I wonder if they actually cut a hole in the fence or just drove around until they found a fence with a hole already in it?
The video ends with her blowing a guy up into a million pieces.
Jane’s opponent is Tanja, the Warrior Woman. Yes, she’s a Xena rip-off. She pins Jane.
Why didn’t Jane just blow her up like she did the guy in the video?
Hammerin’ Heather Steele is up next, with her being a construction worker. Heenan makes me laugh by claiming she is married to Bob Villa.
She is fighting Nicky Law, whose partner Kristy Order is outside the ring. Sadly, Heather is no match for the brutal police officers. In other words, she fought the law and the law won.
Wow, that was so awful it sounds like something Mr. Mrs. Deal would write.
(Note from RD: Hey! I resemble that remark!)
Backstage, we discover Bronco Billie getting a phone call informing her that the bank has foreclosed on her family’s farm. Hopefully her sparkly cowboy hat will be able to console her.
Boom Boom and Caliente are next versus Jade and Lotus, two Chinese girls so stereotypical I’m surprised they didn’t throw fortune cookies to the crowd. Their grandma is there as well, cheering them on. Sadly, that’s not enough as Boom Boom pins one of the girls.
(Note from RD: Oh, come on – the Grandma Miagi reference was RIGHT THERE!)
Bronco Billie shows up and fights the Disciplinarian, who I think is supposed to be an evil school teacher. Billie wins, but the Disciplinarian comes back and says that she has some news for Billie: she bought the family farm.
Not only that, but if Billie and her family aren’t on their best behavior, they will be “expelled” from their ranch. So apparently, the Disciplinarian bought their house and is going to continue to let them live there as long as they are nice.
I wish she’d buy our house.
Slam Dunk comes out next, fighting Roxy Powers. I always loved Slam Dunk, she was really funny with a silly smirk always plastered on her face. I don’t even remember Roxy, but her entrance video showed her working out in a factory or something.
Thankfully, Slam Dunk wins.
Riot is out next. She looks a lot like a trailer park version of Peter Brady’s girlfriend Adrienne Curry.
Her opponent is Wendi Wheels, who comes out to the ring pushing a shopping cart. Is she homeless? She doesn’t make enough from being a mechanic AND a wrestler to afford a place to live?
Poor Wendi, she winds up with a garbage can on her head and gets kicked in the head for the loss.
Oh yeah, there is a stupid swimsuit competition on the whole show. I would make fun of it, but I remember that the WOW TV show was on at midnight on Sundays, and its primary competition was commercials for 1-900 meet lines.
Jungle Grrl vs. Beckie the Farmer’s Daughter in a splash match is next. Not much to say about Beckie except she is not the Farmer’s Daughter from GLOW (and yes, I loved that show too).
Even though Jungle Grrl is from the depths of the Amazon, she is more articulate than any other woman on the roster.
Jungle Grrl climbs a ladder and leaps about 20 feet into the ring.
I have no idea why this show ever ended. What more could you people want?
A tag team match is next, with Caged Heat against Harley’s Angels. Heat are prisoners brought to the ring from the jail (in a mini-van!), beating up all the Women of Wrestling must have been their community service.
Harley’s Angels are biker chicks. I think. The one might on the left there might be a guy. They should have been called Harley & the Angel.
Heat wins.
The WOW title match is next, with Terri Gold looking to regain her belt from Danger.
I used to wear my hair like Terri Gold, like back in 1996.
Remember when I said that Riot looked like a trailer park version of Adrienne Curry? Danger looks like a trailer park version of someone from a trailer park.
Terri wins with the ‘perfect 10’, a backflip off the ropes.
(Note from RD: to all us marks, that would be an Asai moonsault. I forgive my wife for not knowing this, which shows just how much I love her.)
Finally it’s time for the big hair match. They said on the show that nothing excites a woman more than the thought of losing her hair. I don’t know what that means, but it’s not true.
Lana actually wins the match and her opponent Ice Cold gets strapped to a barber chair. She’s also gagged, which doesn’t seem to be doing much good since she can still open her mouth. The guy is actually just holding onto the rag, so it’s more like a bit.
(Note from RD: Cue the horsetrolla!)
I thought that was the last match, but there is actually a cage match with Selena versus Thug, who looks like a girl I went to high school with who hung out with tech kids and smoked in the parking lot.
The match is bloody and was the only thing I didn’t like on the show.
In conclusion, I was very sad WOW went off the air, as I always looked forward to watching it. I actually didn’t think it was crap at all, and I only wrote this because my husband begged me to.
Ok, can I be done now?