Before I write another word, I want to make one thing very, very clear: I love Roddy Piper. LOVE HIM. I had the pleasure of catching up with him many times, including when he did a literal run-in during a WrestleCrap Radio recording (and me returning the favor by being on his podcast as well years later). When he was on-screen, it was always must see TV for me because quite frankly you had zero idea what was going to happen…and at times, I question if he did either. But it wasn’t always gold. When the train went off the tracks, it had a tendency to go WAY off the tracks. Such was the case when he was in a feud with Ted DiBiase and he was looking to have someone in his corner to counter DiBiase’s manager at the time, Sensational Sherri Martel. Piper’s answer? Virgil’s sister, Virgilina.
Now you’ve likely heard of Virgil, who was “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase’s lackey when he first arrived in the WWF. But if you’ve never heard of Virgilina, you’re not the only one. In fact, I had somehow completely blocked this one out of my memory and despite having run a site subtitled “The Very Worst of Pro Wrestling” for over a quarter of a century, had not yet inducted it. But we are going to rectify that today.
We’ll go to Prime Time Wrestling, as we get Bobby “The Brain” Heenan and the host o’ the week, “Mean” Gene Okerlund. This was of course during that horrible period where the show was taped in front of a studio audience, usually with Bobby and Vince running the show. Why Gene was there instead of Vince I don’t know, but thinking the timing would have been when Vince was undergoing some legal issues. Yes, that used to happen back in the day too. Anyway, Gene explains that Virgil’s sister will be on the show tonight. Heenan explains that this whole Virgilina thing is a scam, and he’s going to prove it to everyone by going backstage.
Sure enough, Heenan gives us a walkthrough of the entire complex, walking through and insulting every single employee in the building. I honestly don’t know how these folks didn’t lose it as ad lib Bobby was always the best Bobby. And he finds exactly where he needs to go as Virgilina, despite this being like her first show ever, gets her own locker room, complete with an 8.5″ x 11″ paper sign and everything!
So he starts rifling through the locker room, looking for tube socks and jock straps (his words, not mine!) but runs instead smackdab into VIRGILINA herself. Or himself. Whatever. And yes, it is in fact just Virgil dressed up as a woman and screaming about in his best Geraldine voice.
Anyone remember Geraldine? Flip Wilson? Wait, that says 1973…I would have been four years old, even >>>I<<< don’t remember that!
So Heenan gets grabbed by the wrist and pulled back through the building, this time with those poor folks he mocked laughing at him the entire way. Also, Roddy keeps smacking the Brain on the fanny constantly for whatever reason. Well, I guess the reason, as I explained earlier, is that Piper just did whatever he felt like doing at any given moment. That probably wouldn’t fly today.
Now again…let me reiterate, this was just Virgil in a dress and wig. But see, we are just supposed to look at that and laugh and laugh and laugh. And if just that site doesn’t have you yukkin’ it up…
…then maybe Virgilina picking up Okerlund and spinning him round like a top will! Still not sold?
Would a big ol’ kiss right on top of his chrome dome seal the deal for you?
Meanwhile, Piper does what Piper always does – goes insane with a nonsensical never-ending rant, going off the deep end screaming about monsters and hairy beasts and sasquatches and a dozen other things. I really don’t think anyone else on planet earth could have done that promo and it had been anything but awful. Piper did it and it was just another day in the office.
Then as if to not be outdone, Virgilina gives one of her own, explaining how she would do anything for her little brother Virgil. I will say this – I have no idea who came up with this craptacular idea, but Virgil wasn’t afraid to throw absolutely everything he had into it. Gotta give props to him for that I guess.
In the middle of all this, Piper interrupts the insanity to shill away, hugging and kissing a kid wearing one of his t-shirts. At least he didn’t smack him on the bum like he did to poor Bobby!
Now through all this, Heenan remained unfazed, constantly saying that Virgilina is VIRGIL. And he’s a MAN, not a WOMAN! At this point, Piper has had enough and explains that he has video evidence that the friend he has on stage with him is in fact Virgil’s sister. Heenan tells him to bring it on and sure enough he does…
…by having Virgilina and her brother appear on the screen at the same time! Ah the magic of split screen with a wacky WWF logos all over the place. Gotta love it. I should also note that it’s kinda shocking that somehow Virgilina is a better promo than her brother. And honestly, it’s not even close given Virgil’s completely wooden “Dibiase. You’re. Looking at. Trouble.” Couldn’t they have given the guy a second take there?
Bobby’s reaction to all this is honestly the same as mine. But thankfully, mercifully, this whole charade ended quickly and Virgilina vanished never to be seen again. Until, well, we brought it back into the spotlight for all the world to see. Be honest – did you have any recollection of this at all? Let me know in the comments below.