I know a lot of folks live and die by and dedicate corners of their houses for them, but I have never, ever been a big mark for championship belts. Even when I see one I think looks nice, I just kinda shrug and move on with my life. In fact, most of the time I can’t even tell you what the strap for any particular championship even looks like. It probably doesn’t help that between modern day WWE and AEW there are a zillion belts, but still – I think you get my point.
After all these years though, the one thing I can tell you is when we get a belt that looks like crap. And over the years, there’s been tons of them. So I figure it is finally time to put an official list together of the very worst of the very worst. To that end, a quick disclaimer: these are only WWF/WWE belts, so if you’re looking for that one with Jeff Hardy’s face on it from TNA, you’re out of luck. If there’s enough demand maybe one day I’ll tackle those, but that day ain’t today. That out of the way, let’s strap these on! (Apologies, that sounded lewd).
#10 – WWF Hardcore Championship Belt
Yeah, like you didn’t think this would wind up on the list. In fact, the only thing that may be shocking is that it’s not closer to the top. It’s literally garbage duct taped onto a makeshift strap. I don’t care about the old urban legend that this was the belt that Curt Hennig smashed to pieces with a hammer on a Saturday Night’s Main Event a zillion years ago…it doesn’t matter when a belt looks as bad as this one does.
#9 – The Original Intercontinental Championship Belt
SPEAKING OF A ZILLION YEARS AGO…let’s go back to take a look at the oldest title we have on the list, which would be the very first Intercontinental title, displayed here around the waist of Pat Patterson. Looking at it, it’s insane to think that title became so important for the promotion. The original belt looks more like a belt BUCKLE than something to signify a championship of any type! Thankfully this one was short-lived and was replaced by the one we all remember being worn by the likes of Randy Savage, the Honky Tonk Man, and others.
#8 – The 100% Sustainable Organic Hemp Championship Belt
This will be a controversial choice for sure, as a lot of folks thought the period where Bryan Danielson (well, Daniel Bryan as he was known at the time) was an evil environmentalist was hysterical. And it was! I loved that whole period where he lorded over us with his vegan lifestyle and ideals. As much as I laughed at the idea of a 100% sustainable organic hemp belt carved from a naturally fallen oak (and that being a HEEL TACTIC mind you!!!), the thing was completely hideous. Since this is all about dumb and ugly title belts, its place on this list is well deserved.
#7 – United States Championship Spinner Belt
Spinner belts have always sucked, so it was difficult to narrow it down to just one for the list. With that in mind, I opted to go with the one that started it all, this hideous monstrosity from Cena’s US Championship reign. Going back and researching this, I thought for sure this was something some goof in an Etsy store concocted, but no, it was the legit start to some of a trend we all wish never existed.
#6 – Rated R Spinner Belt
I mean after all, it led to even guys like Edge having spinner belts. What’s that you say? You’re mad that I said there would only be one spinner belt on this list and I immediately followed it up with a second? Dare I say that is exactly what the company did in introducing this one, as they promoted that there would be a new title belt to replace Cena’s hated spinner belt and thus trolled fans even harder by unveiling this eyesore?
#5 – The Ultimate Warrior’s Never-Ending Pastel Belts
Let’s not pretend that the company’s World title was always a thing of beauty either. For instance, even the beloved winged eagle had its share of makeovers, especially when the Ultimate Warrior was on the scene. Apparently as an attempt to make the Warrior softer and more ‘relatable’ to fans, the company determined changing the color of the strap on the iconic and much beloved World championship belt was just the thing to do. Not only that, they did it in PASTELS. So sometimes you’d see it as powder blue, sometimes lavender, sometimes pale yellow. No matter the hue, they were always hideous. It can’t be a coincidence that the winged eagle wound up on the endangered species list shortly after this run.
#4 – Undisputed Tag Team Championship Belts
At some point it was decided the WWE tag team championship belts should feature big ol’ bronze dinner plates with gladiators on ’em. We have no doubt that somewhere Peter Graves is smiling as he polishes his giant penny. Holy crap, THAT sounded lewd as well. What is with me tonight?
#3 – Split Divas Championship Belt
The concept of shared title holders isn’t common in wrestling, but it has happened from time to time. But only once has a championship belt actually been SPLIT IN TWO. Such was the case when the team of Laycool got into an argument about which of them should get to hold the title, and tore the belt in half. I’d question the shoddy workmanship of this belt’s construction, but I’d really rather spend those characters complaining about how Layla was the star of that team (she was incredibly entertaining in every role she was ever in) and has basically been whitewashed from the company while Michelle has been inducted into their Hall of Fame. Anyone have a clue why that’s happened? Anyone?
#2 – Original Divas Championship Belts
It’s a belt representing women that looks like a freaking butterfly. I’m not saying that’s sexist or anything but, well, I don’t have a way to end that sentence. Amazingly enough, it’s not the worst belt the company ever had…nor even the worst belt for the ladies!
#1 – 1984 WWF Woman’s Championship Belt
Essentially the first WWF Woman’s championship, this hideous monstrosity was brought to the company by the Fabulous Moolah. Not saying that she was egotistical or anything, but she commissioned this belt to have her PICTURE ON IT. Seriously, how bloated an ego do you have to have to do something like that? Even beyond that, the strap itself looks like something a pirate going through bankruptcy would have slapped together. Considering how shady Moolah actually was (read up kids, and have the barf bag ready) it kinda fits.
So congrats, Moolah – you truly were the worst of the worst, so it’s only fitting you have the title belt to prove it!