When I think back to pro wrestling during the pandemic, silly ‘cinematic’ matches are always near the top of the list. The idea of course was that you could film something resembling pro wrestling without a ring or more importantly a crowd. Some were good, some were bad, but all were kinda goofy, especially when you look back at them today. And that’s definitely the case with AEW’s Tooth and Nail Match, pitting Big Swole against her rival at the time, Dr. Britt Baker DMD, which took place allegedly at the dentist’s office!
So Swole comes in and we have the receptionist playing on her phone behind the counter. But this wasn’t just any normie behind the desk, it was your friend and mine, Rebel! She was Britt’s lackey at the time, and let me tell you, she was unbelievably great in this role, be that as her co-host for the Dr. Britt Show as the woman greeting guests at the office here. Baker would always call her Reba, and Rebel would always tell her that wasn’t her name and be completely ignored. I LOVED THIS PAIRING. So here she is handing Swole some insurance papers while doing some absurd accent. Like I have no clue what nationality or whatever that’s supposed to be, but sweet Christmas was it incredible. Swole of course is having none of it, and promptly clobbers poor Reba right in the noggin!
With Rebel incapacitated, Swole begins looking through the facility for Dr. Britt. Before she spots her, she notices a dental chair that has blood spots all over the floor. Maybe it’s just me, but if I was an actual dentist (which Baker is), I’m not sure I’d want to promote my office on national television in such a manner.
So Swole keeps looking around and is still unable to find her opponent, who just so happens to be hiding behind a wall like a sexy serial killer. CINEMA (as the kids like to say)!!
Swole ears some weird noises from around the bend and goes to investigate, discovering a whole slew of chattering teeth toys. This of course allows Britt to grab her degree off the wall and clobber Swole from behind. I don’t understand the confusion on the ref’s mug here – any time you have a chance to distract a foe utilizing novelty toys, you’re a fool not to do so!
At this point, the ref calls to…someone I guess…to RING THE BELL. Yes, in this dental office. Now in control, Britt takes off her plastic mask and starts slamming it into Swole’s face. She follows that up by grabbing a dental drill in hopes of really doing some damage. Swole, though, retaliates by grabbing a nearby metal plate and clocking Britt in the head.
Not to be deterred, Rebel is back in action, coming to Britt’s aid. Swole’s no idiot though and realizes that what Rebel is holding isn’t actually a firearm, but rather one of those water squirters you use to rinse with after a cleaning. So she also gets a pan to head to lay her out once more.
Britt retreats outside the building, only for Swole to be in hot pursuit, throwing her into a nearby wheelchair and wheeling her toward some nearby cardboard boxes. Upon reaching said (likely empty) boxes, Britt leaps high into the air and slams herself into the brick wall. God I love pro wrestling.
Reba returns once more to help Britt get the advantage, allowing her to DDT Swole on top of an adjacent golf cart (that’s parked in front of a kinda dope heavy metal guitar mural).
Rebel yells for Britt to throw Swole in a dumpster, but Swole has other ideas, quickly turning the tide and tossing poor Reba in there instead (taking a fantastic bump in the process).
And now it’s back into the office we go, as Swole shoves Britt’s face into the counter. As if that weren’t bad enough, she sends a rolling chair right into her crotch! The good doctor counters all this into neckbreaker for a two count. Yes kids, this may be in a dentist office, but by golly we’re going to adhere to our pro wrestling rulebook!
More brawling follows and Swole nearly knocks Britt’s head off with a superkick right to the bicuspids. That only garners a two count however.
Eventually, Britt is able to drop Swole onto a dental chair and she grabs a drill to finish her off. Now you might think I mean a dental drill, but no no – she has an honest to goodness Black & Decker rechargable! She attempts to put a pilot hole right upside Swole’s noggin but she thankfully dodges and the drill bit is lodged safely into the chair.
By now Rebel has gotten out of the dumpster (“that girl has a nanner on her head’!” proclaims Tony Schiavone) and is there to give Britt a syringe full of novocain. Britt goes to jab Swole with it, but Swole blocks it and drives it right into Britt’s leg. This is all worth it for Rebel’s total freakout screaming “You stabbed her you stabbed her” at the top of her lungs like a complete lunatic.
With Britt falling to the floor, Swole turns her attention to Rebel and asks her to hold Baker’s degree…just so she can punch through it and fell our poor girl one last time.
To recap, in today’s episode Swole is playing the part of Dr. Hibbert and Rebel is poor Hugo.
Unable to run due to her leg being completely numb from the novocaine, Dr. Britt is easy pickings for Swole. She promptly grabs a gas mask and knocks Britt unconscious to pick up the win. I love the fact that the ref actually lifted up Baker’s arm, although he REALLY should have done that three times just to be sure. What can I say? I’m a mark too you know!