You know, I’ve been wanting to write this induction for a couple of years. It may not have been first on my list, but it was definitely ON my list, and I knew that one day it would come to pass that I’d be doing the screen grabs and pecking away on my MacBook Pro about all the things ECW General Manager Tiffany brought to the table.
For they were many.
But let’s get this out of the way first. I didn’t hate her. Not in the slightest. In fact, I think I may have been in love with her. It wasn’t her looks (though she was quite lovely). She had no angles that I really even remember, and I honestly cannot tell you about a single match she was ever involved in.
But I did love her so.
You see, I am a huge fan of proper enunciation.
And let me tell you, kids, this girl could pronunciate with the best of ’em.
Seriously, WWE should have kept her around after they canned her just to help the mumble mouths on the roster learn to speak so properly and so clearly that one day perhaps RD Reynolds would fall in love with them as well and thus write about their exploits here on WrestleCrap.com.
Now while I may question why I have not written this induction until today, I do know what finally caused me to break my silence.
It’s due to AJ.
Err, AJ LEE, excuse me.
You know, the new Raw General Manager, right? The WWE’s new favorite Diva, the one whom they are giving the royal treatment to, the one they are force-feeding down our gullets whether we’re wanting to partake or not.
And hey, I’m not anti-AJ. I’m really not. She’s different, unique, and she looks like a 12-year old (and we made that joke way, WAY before everyone else on the world wide interwebs did), and if you’re into that kinda thing, well, good for you.
You should probably be arrested, but whatever.
Me? I’m just glad that she doesn’t look like everyone else. The goofy sneakers, the…
Wait a minute.
She’s now dressing in business suits she got from Stephanie McMahon?
I mean, really, did she raid Steph’s closet and hit super high heat on the dryer?
Err, my bad.
AJ WAS unique at one point.
Now she’s just Stephanie’s own personal Mini Me, all that uniqueness swept away in a black and white suit that she doesn’t even bother to accessorize with tennis shoes.
Can anyone explain this?
No, of course you can’t.
(And here I bet you were expecting that played out guy with the goofy WWF guitar.)
But you know who I bet could explain it?
The lovely young lady to our right.
That would be Tiffany, the woman who oversaw ECW from 2008 until its very last progrem in 2010.
You see, it wasn’t Paul Heyman, Todd Gordon, or even Joey Styles overseeing things when the ship went down.
It was TIFFANY.
And she was GREAT.
Now you may be asking how she even got into the running for holding such a prestigious office in the first place.
The answer is that she just showed up one episode backstage, sitting on a couch, texting, and adjusting lamps.
And she looked sneaky in doing so.
I don’t know why, precisely, she would need to tweak this interior lighting, especially in such a stealthy, “gee I hope no one catches me doing this” manner.
But like you, I want to find out.
So if someone can hook up with young Taryn Terrell and get us an explanation, well sir, I’ll gladly include said explanation here, and credit you properly.
Because I believe the world really deserves to know what she was doing there.
Soon enough, we were informed that this young woman with a perfect illumination fixation was Tiffany, and she was ECW General Manager Teddy Long’s personal assistant.
Has there ever been a guy in WWE folklore who’s been hooked up with more hotties than Teddy?
I mean, off the top of my head, he was with Kristal Marshall, Tiffany, Aksana…dude must have a revolving bedroom door.
And yeah, she did all the goofy stuff that Teddy’s skanks do, like dressing up in sexay costumes for Halloween and then exchanging cornball banter.
Following WrestleMania in 2009, Teddy would find himself promoted to running Smackdown, which meant just one thing, but it was one very awesome thing:Tiffany was now the ECW Interim General Manager.
And that would lead to an even awesomer thing (and no, I don’t care that ‘awesomer’ isn’t a word):
Tiffany as full-time, permanent ECW General Manager!
And that was fantastic, because it meant that we got Tiffany speaking.
Tiffany speaking all the time on every show.
Speaking ever so clearly, making sure every single syllable, no matter how small or silly, got its just due.
In a word?
Tell me you’ve ever heard the words“WWE Universe” spoken with such aplomb!
And listen to how she articulates “Yoshi”!
I always thought that was the stupidest name ever, but no more!
And oh, oh, oh! Her stuff with Willam Regal (or as she dubbed him, “MIS-TER REE-GUL”)!
You know up above, where I mentioned that I didn’t remember any storylines she was in?
And hey, remember when she told Punk to lighten, and by lighten, I mean “booze it”, up?
In fact, every time she came on the screen, I just wanted to very eloquently scream “YAY” at the top of my lungs.
Look at her!
Doesn’t that make you happy?
Maybe I should just make this an ongoing image on the site, not unlike Man Mountain Rock, but as the eternal sign of joy!
Whaddy’all think of that?
And at the end of ECW, the end of this legendary brand that changed professional wrestling?
She was not only well spoken, but upbeat to boot!
Because you see, ECW dying wasn’t a bad thing.
It was a good thing.
No wait, scratch that – it was a GREAT thing!
Hate the thought that ECW was dead, and that NXT was now taking it’s place?
Well, if you never wanted to watch NXT, I bet you will now!
But then it all went to hell.
She got stuck in a tag team with Kelly Kelly (called, and I am not making this up, Blondtourage)…
…did goofy entrances…
…and entered the ring by footing her foot on top of her head.
But she never spoke again.
And before long, she was gone entirely.
While some would point you to online rumors about issues with her husband, Drew McIntyre, I think it was something else entirely.
I bet Vince found out she didn’t adjust that lamp quite right.
Really, what was the deal with that?