Now HERE’s a bad idea: take a talented grappler who is stuck with a terrible gimmick and give him an even worse gimmick. Put him out there with a chick who could be hot, but make her look as unsexy as possible. Then stick him with a couple of has beens. And have him say that a computer tells him how to wrestle his matches.
Don’t laugh. It really happened.
Ok, so you should laugh. It really happened.
In the early 90’s, Mike Rotundo was floating around WCW as the seafarin’ Capt. Mike. He wasn’t doing much of note, other than hanging out with other WrestleCrap inductees like Norman the Lunatic. So when a heel turn was in the works, Rotundo must have been thrilled. Unfortunately, things didn’t turn out as well as hoped for the man from Syracuse.
It didn’t start too bad. Rotundo showed up and told Tony Schiavone to cram it.
I’m surprised he didn’t become a huge fan favorite for that alone.
Anyway, it appeared that Rotundo…err, excuse me, Michael Wallstreet had just inherited a large sum of money. He began dressing in a dapper fashion, and barking out orders to his board of directors in a mean spirited manner.
One of his advisors was a woman by the name of Alexandra York. If she looks familiar, she should – for fun, I’ll make you wait ’til the end of this page to tell you who she is.
Alexandra was a computer wiz, so much so that she even brought out a laptop to ringside. Her coup de grace was a program she had written that analyzed wrestlers’ weaknesses, and could plot out a plan to beat them. I’ll let her explain further.
Wallstreet looked quite evil in his new gimmick. Of course, any time the camera zooms in so close you can see eyeboogers, you know that something rotten is afoot.
Alexandra’s computer would not only map out a wrestler’s gameplan, it would also produce all kinds of charts and graphs.
“You see, Mr. Wallstreet, this large spike was your career as one half of the US Express with Barry Windham in the WWF. You completely bottomed out here, as Captain Mike. Now your career is on the upswing again. Sadly, things will get very bleak, as you will be forced to join the nWo B-Team near the end of your career.”
Wallstreet and York plotted and schemed. They analyzed opponents, and mapped out careers to championships. They laughed in an evil manner. A lot.
Alexandra’s computer program was a smash. It worked so well she was able to create a stable of unbeatable wrestlers – The York Foundation.
The problem, of course, was that they weren’t unbeatable at all. In fact, they lost on a regular basis. This can’t be all that surprising, considering that the stable was rounded out with washed up goofs like Tommy, oops, “Thomas” Rich and Ricky, scratch that, “Richard” Morton.
The York Foundation seemed to add and subtract members on a weekly basis. Shortly after the group’s debut, Rotundo fled WCW for the WWF and a stint as evil taxman Irwin R. Schyster. He was replaced by Terry, err, “Terrence” Taylor, who was dubbed “The Computerized Man of the 90’s.” Rich and Morton floundered about, and then went their separate ways.
As for Alexandra, she got kissed by a young scrapper by the name of Dustin Rhodes. She saw fireworks, and eventually married the artist who would be known as Goldust.
Yes, Alexandra York is known today as Terri Runnels.
So if you ever wanted to know if Terri’s funnybags were real, well, one look at Alexandra York should answer that one.
Tony Schiavone (sounding more like a doofus than normal): “Captain Mike Rotunda…”
Michael Wallstreet (in full dick mode): “First of all, Schiavone, don’t you ever call me Mike Rotunda again. It’s RotunDO, you dumb ass. (Oh wait, he didn’t really say that. I was just wishing he did). I have legally changed my name to Michael Wallstreet.”
Alexandra York (sounding very nervous): “With the money we’ve invested in technology and information, we have at our disposal a progrem (hey, that’s how she pronounced it – ProGREM) for each and every WCW wrestler. This will enable Mr. Wallstreet to achieve victory each and every time he steps into the ring.”