I mean, sweet Christmas.

Sean Mooney.

That’s the VERY first image we saw on what would become the longest running blah blah thingamajig in made up television history.

SEAN MOONEY.

Everyone remembers him right? Not sure I ever inducted the guy, but he was pretty atrocious.

Let me put it to you this way: when the thing I most remember about you is that you were on a Coliseum video wherein you played Captain Kirk to Lord Alfred Hayes’ Scotty, well sir, that’s a bad sign.

Oh and that tape?

Something else I’ve never inducted.

If you ever wanted to know how I’ve been running this site for 12 years and am still able to find old stuff to induct, the fact that I’ve failed to induct Mooney or that abysmal tape would give you an idea of the absolute dump truck full of junk that we’ve all been subjected to over the years.

One thing that is decidedly NOT junk, however, would be the first Raw intro and theme song, the ultimate mishmash of eras.

It sounds like someone went to Jim Johnston or whoever was doing music for the company at the time and said, “Ok, take the Wrestling Challenge theme and try to hard rockify it. But don’t make it TOO hard rockified, just slightly rockified. And isn’t it cool that I just made up the word rockify?”

Maybe, just maybe, this show wasn’t as horrible as I remember it being.

…to this.

Yep.

Speaking of Heenan, he is outside the building, unable to get in.

And really, I guess he was unneeded. Why would you need the Brain when you had the comedy stylings of Rob Bartlett?

No answer.

I agree.

Raw historical fun fact: the first superstar ever to enter a Monday Night Raw ring would be one Koko B. Ware.

Yes, Koko B. Ware in his horrible, horrible High Energy (inducted!) outfit.

This was the man to introduce Raw to the masses, to get people to watch not only this show, but 999 more after it.

Him being a Hall of Famer all makes sense to me now.

Oh, and Rob Bartlett thinks Koko is Gary Coleman.

And Vince McMahon agrees.

Jeez, I thought it was bad when Jesse just to call the poor guy Buckwheat.

The somewhat non-politically correct insults weren’t just reserved for The Birdman, but also dished out to his opponent, Yokozuna, whom Randy Savage called “the world’s biggest eggroll.”

I somehow doubt such commentary would fly these days.

As you would suspect, Yoko flattens poor Mr. Ware.

What you may not expect, well, at least in 1993, was for Vince to show just how RAW this show was going to be, as less than five minutes in we get our first SWEAR WORD (followed by the early Raw catchphrase).

Yes, kids, back in the day, the word “ass” on television was indeed considered edgy.

I guess it is today as well as Road Dogg couldn’t even say it on Raw 1000.

Oh, and you know, they bust on Yoko being fat here, but he is downright svelte compared to what he would become.

I mean, seriously:

If that dropping of the A-word had viewers uneasy, one can only imagine what the early Raw ring girls had folks thinking.

I bet it would be something like, “Man, these girls look not only skanky, but almost annoyed to be here.

Still, her hair is pretty cool. I sure hope girls still wear their hair like that in 2012.

That would totally rule.”

Now if you were like me and hating this lack of Bobby Heenan on the show, rest assured we do get some Brain throughout the show. Here we get a pre-tape of him talking about his newest charge, Narcissus.

This would eventually morph into The Narcissist, likely because those backstage quickly realized how ridiculous having a wrestler named Narcissus sounded.

Still, that was a bad gimmick, and eventually was inducted here at the Crap as well. So there’s THREE inductions already from this show, with more to come.

Yes, THIS Scott Steiner.

To this day I still watch old Steiner Bros. matches totally mystified, constantly trying to convince myself that this is the same man.

Oh, and the Steiners’ opponents (well, victims) for this epic night would be the legendary Executioners, who would be legendary in absolutely no sense of the word.

Outside, The Brain attempts to sneak in under the guise of being Rob Bartlett’s mom.

Going out on a limb and guessing that Pat Patterson wrote this bit.

Back in the ring, we get a Razor Ramon interview, with Scott Hall looking at least 19 years younger and more sober than he does today.

I’d make further tired jokes at Hall’s expense, but seriously…look at Vince.

Bow tie.

Bug eyes.

I love this image so much that that I propose it be the cover of his autobiography, and that it should be the title: Bow Ties and Bug Eyes: The Vince McMahon Story.

I’ll even offer to ghost write it.

Max Moon, in the outfit I have long described as being ‘ribbed for her pleasure’, enters the ring following that, upping the WrestleCrap inductee list yet again. In fact, I am going to go out on a limb and guess that we’ll have more WrestleCrap inductees than we do WWE Hall of Famers on this program.

But hey, here comes Shawn Michaels to try to stem the tide. He’s great.

But hey, this is WrestleCrap, and I am RD Reynolds, so let’s nitpick, shall we?

HIs entrance music is the absolute dirt worst version ever, as it is the one where Sherri Martel does the vocals.

Not just the “Oh Shawn” at the beginning; the entire thing.

Main event time, and as you’d expect, err, hope at this point, we do get another all-time legend in the form of the Undertaker.

His opponent for this first ever Raw main event?

Yes – Damian Demento!

So to the main event we go…wait, no.

First we get a recap of Kamala turning babyface.

And for those of you keeping score, that’s ANOTHER inductee here at the Crap. I’d knock it some more, but it did give us Kamala bowling with Slick, which is a good thing.

Because if you pay close attention, you’ll note that all wrestling and bowling segments are great.

See also, Perfect, Mister.

…and an interview with Doink, who would promptly be chased around and around the ring by Crush.

HISTORIC!