Happy Thanksgiving fellow Crappers! Who’s ready to stuff their face with turkey and all the fixins, all day football, and bemoaning the fact that Black Friday will never again be what it once was. Yep, right there with you. But at least I’ve never had a complete and utter madman threaten to destroy my holiday, which is more than I can say for poor ol’ Mr. Fuji on the November 26, 1988 episode of Saturday Night’s Main Event!
At the show’s opening, Warrior cut the most Warrior promo ever. We get grunting, growling, and chest beating. Also, him telling Fuji that he had one thing in mind tonight – and that was to “SPOIL YOUR THANKSGIVVVVVIIIINNNNNNGGGGG!!!” Despite all this, I must give the guy some credit – after all, he actually did his face paint up in traditional fall colors! Pretty sure this was the first and last time I ever saw him with the trio of white, yellow, and pumpkin orange. He’s like a roided up candy corn come to life!
Now you may be asking who Mr. Fuji was bringing into battle against the Warrior. Pretty sure by this time, Demolition had left him, so we ain’t getting Ax or Smash. Powers of Pain possibly? Not sure there’s enough negative stars in the universe for Uncle Dave if it’s gonna be Warrior vs. the Warlord. Which means, naturally, that it has to be the Barbarian. Sadly he won’t be sporting the antlers but it’s probably the best of the options on hand at the moment.
Well, no. Instead, Warrior will be battling none other than SUPER NINJA. You all remember him, right? Of course you don’t, because as best I can tell this was his first appearance in the company. SPOILER ALERT: it was also his last. Which is a shame, as they went to the trouble of making him a throwing star graphic and everything!
Prior to the match, we get an interview with Mr. Fuji as Gene gives us the Ninja’s backstory, namely that he is a world class athlete that combines the best of martial arts with scientific western wrestling. Fuji tells us that secrecy is the key to victory, then asks Gene to remember Pearl Harbor. For his part, Gene just nods along thoughtfully as Fuji explains that Ninja has trained for seven years on seven continents in seven arts. Not martial arts, just arts. I bet this man bedecked head to toe in aluminum foil has utter mastery of paper airplanes!
As Ninja heads to the ring, we get a switchover to the Warrior, who cuts another rambling promo about how he’s vanquished a thousand times a thousand enemies. Pretty sure 1,000 x 1,000 = 1,000,000. Not calling Warrior a liar here but…well, I have no way to finish that sentence.
Warrior runs down to the ring like a madman, jumping to the apron and shakin’ dem ropes. You know what I’ve never really notice about Warrior’s entrance? How much he spins. Doesn’t he get dizzy rotating that much at that velocity?
It’s like he’s twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!
The time for talking is over and the match begins! Ninja goes straight into his martial arts bag, throwing chop after chop. These have quite literally no effect on the Warrior, who beats his own chest in a show of defiance. Ninja goes for a kick to the throat, but Warrior catches it and effortlessly throws his opponent to the mat. Watch closely and it almost appears that he was going for an ankle lock. No doubt somewhere a young Kurt Angle was madly scribbling in his note book.
Warrior takes the time to remove his Intercontinental strap before catching another Ninja kick and tossing him upside down right onto his head. Thought for sure Ninja would be crippled (those of you who know was under the mask will get a chuckle out of my witty choice of words there), but he springs right back up and bounces off the ropes. Warrior however LEAP FROGS Ninja. Yeah, he retired that kinda stuff very early in his run. A kick to the mush sends Ninja tumbling outside.
But you can’t escape from the Warrior, who follows him out and tosses him right back in. He continues to pummel this poor sap from pillar to post, before finally collapsing on the mat. While all this is happening, the commentary team of Jesse “The Body” Ventura and Vince McMahon question where on earth Fuji got such a loser, which Jess pondering if Fuji may have been lying about Ninja’s pedigree. You don’t say.
The beating continues as Vince starts gushing over Warrior’s physique, telling viewers at home that comparing the Intercontinental champ’s muscularity to an in his prime Jesse the Body would be like comparing ice cream to horse manure. Jess quickly retorts that it would also be like comparing his physique to McMahon’s, to which Vince snorted, “We may have a posedown one of these days.”
You know, that would actually be a lot closer than I think folks would have expected. They didn’t call Jess “The Body” for nothing!
Back to the match, Warrior hurks up Ninja and drops him to the mat. One big splash and it’s all over. And yes, just like that, Warrior did what he said he was going to do, ruining Thanksgiving for poor Fuji. This despite the fact I’m pretty sure the Japanese don’t celebrate Thanksgiving. What’s that, Fuji was actually from Hawaii? Ok, well, then should I bring up this aired three days AFTER Thanksgiving? Whatever the case may be, I do hope no one spoils your Turkey Day! Have a blessed holiday my friends!