Of all the bizarre mysteries I’ve encountered in the world of wrestling, one ranks right near the top: the fact that the grizzled, tobacco-spitting alligator hunter fans came to know as WWF’s Skinner was once—believe it or not—a heartthrob. Yes, before be was seen stomping around swamps and spitting tobacco all over the place, he was one-half of the sequined, gyrating tag team known as The Fabulous Ones, marketed as bona fide sex symbols.
If you dare, watch the video above. You see the non-Stan Lane guy frolicking in the bubble bath? That there was one Steve Keirn, the man who would become Skinner. You wouldn’t think skinnerinabubblebath.com would be taken, but maybe it is, who knows.
I hadn’t given Skinner much thought since I originally inducted him here at WrestleCrap.com like 25 years ago. But last week I was doing research for something else (yes, believe it or not I actually spend a lot of time digging into subjects for the site) and I stumbled across an intro vignette for the guy. And I was frankly slack jawed in awe. For you see, Skinner wasn’t just a guy looking to get a few wins in the WWF – according to the man himself, he literally wanted to skin his foes alive – with a giant knife no less!
If you think I’m kidding, today I’m going to present you with every Skinner vignette leading up to his in-ring debut, the first of which being this one which aired on WWF Superstars on July 6, 1991. Here we see him jumping down out of a tree (!!!) then pulling out a knife with a gleam in his eye. Not only that, he tells us a little joke: what’s the difference between a WWF superstar and an alligator? The gator doesn’t make as much noise when you skin him alive. I guess it is kinda funny when you think about it!
The same weekend, we head over to WWF Wrestling Challenge and find our new friend wandering round in the swamp. He explains to us that a lot of folks think there’s nothing to this whole skinning thing – after all, “you just kill the animal then get a big ol’ sharp knife and peel off the flesh.” Simple right? Well Skinner scoffs at this nonsense, telling the viewing audience that only chumps kill the animal first. Real pros keep ’em alive, breaking their back first, then tearing off their hides right off their living flesh. I’m sure all the 10 year olds in the audience learned a lot watching this!
Next up we find Skinner hiding beneath the water, slowly coming out with his trusty knife in his mouth. He tells us this is the best way to hunt gators – swimming up to them and jabbing a knife into their stomach. Watch the video, it’s quite literally what the man said. And by golly, he’s gonna do the same to the folks in the WWF, as he explains prior to putting the knife back in his mouth and fully submerging himself. You wouldn’t thinking telling the world your plans for rampant manslaughter on national television would be the best idea, but what do I know? I ain’t Skinner!
At this point you may be thinking, “RD, what would really make these skits better is if Skinner brought an actual animal on the screen and flung it about by its neck as he brandished a knife right in its face.” Lo and behold, that’s exactly what we get here, as he has a rodent right there in his grimey mitts. This time he tells us that sometimes he likes to skin an animal but not kill them, instead letting them go hoping the fur grows back so he can skin them for a second time. Serious question – did PETA not exist in the 1990s?
Our fifth visit with the alligator man finds him splishing and splashing (despite there being no visible water) before he settles in to tell us a story of one of his uncles. He told his nephew the following proverb: beauty is only skin deep. Skinner notes this is true, as once you jab a knife into someone and rip off his hide, there ain’t much to look at. I wonder what pray tell other wisdom Skinner’s uncle imparted upon him?
“Out here it pays to be real careful like!” Skinner advises in his final intro bit. He then turns into the Predator, hiding here and there as the camera man does his best to spot him yet failing until he explains he was behind the guy the whole time. What’s interesting is that as you watch these in sequence, you see him spitting his chewing tobacco more and more. Why one could almost picture Vince off screen yelling, “Spit! Spit more! DAMMIT YOU’RE NOT SPITTING ENOUGH!!!” There’s a joke to be made there I’m sure, but what with the lawsuit going on as I write this, I will abstain.
At long last, it’s time for Skinner’s debut as he makes short work of jobber Mario Mancini. The highlight isn’t the match – naturally, it’s the inset promo from our hero mid match. You’d think he’d be loud and boisterous, but instead he gives us a short little poem: “See the pretty little bird on the window sill/he’s a pretty little bird, with a pretty little bill/I fed him some crumbs and I fed him some bread/then I smashed his pretty little head!” He then guffaws as if it’s the funniest thing ever. This Skinner sure does like to laugh, good for him. I know Waylon Mercy has become a folk hero of sorts over the years, being the precursor to so many spooky gimmicks such as Bray Wyatt…but I dare say Skinner was the precursor to that precursor. Justice for Skinner and all that – and may his forgotten insanity never be hidden again!