If you’re like me (and I know I am), you remember when Dusty Rhodes left Jim Crockett Promotions back in 1989 and showed up in the WWF. He didn’t just randomly appear…instead, he was introduced by a series of wacky vignettes that are commonly referred to as “Americana”. At the time they first aired I was, well, baffled. This was a three-time NWA World Champion and he was doing the goofiest skits imaginable. It was as if Vince wanted to mock the entire concept of Dusty being a common man and was going to laugh at him the entire time.
But something strange happened – Dusty appeared determined to take this grade A WrestleCrap and turn it into something funny and memorable. And you know what? He succeeded. Like seriously – if you’ve ever seen any of these, you likely can repeat lines from them. So credit to Dusty for that. But which was the very best of these cornball bits? We’re about to find out with WrestleCrap’s official rankings of the Dusty Rhodes Americana vignettes!
#7 – Dusty Rhodes – Gas Station Attendant!
Yes, to the best of my knowledge there were seven of these silly things. While I don’t know that I would be able to ever say one of these were actually bad (far from it, to be honest), one has to be technically the worst so we are kicking it off with his stint as a gas pumper. So Dusty comes out flirting with the girl buying five bucks of super unleaded, checking her oil, cleaning her windows, the full nine yards. I should also note he’s continually singing a Texaco commercial jingle from 1962. I’d mock him for being out of date, but considering I’m writing about this bit that took place in 1989 and it’s currently 2026, Dusty is actually FAR more timely than I am. Seriously, Dusty was 27 years behind…I’m a full ten years beyond that!
#6 – Dusty Rhodes – Garbage Man!
Here we have Dusty hanging out with his buddy Herb, telling all within ear shot that they need to keep America beautiful. I love that Dusty is talking about the nice trash people are throwing out as he literally digs through garbage cans. He wraps up with the old chestnut of “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.” He doesn’t even hit us with a catch antiquated jingle! Is it too late to make this one the worst?
#5 – Dusty Rhodes – Horse Poop Scooper!
I think this is one that a lot of folks don’t remember, and that’s kinda a shame. We now leave the big city for a stable where Dusty is hanging out with his horse Big Mac. And he’s here to tell us all about fuel, baby! The fuel starts as hay that the horse eats and then it comes out as a different type of fuel when Big Mac (say it with me) LIFTS THE TAIL. Remember, kids: “Doo doo is good for me – and doo doo is good for you!” Words to live by.
#4 – Dusty Rhodes – Sombrero Wearing Taco Maker!
Now we get something I am sure that Dusty would know a lot about: FOOD. He welcomes us to the Americana Taco Shop, where they have tacos and enchiladas and pina coladas. Thankfully, he doesn’t start singing that song. He does however start spinning for no reason before giving his customer a Hawaiian enchilada. That sounds horrible. He then joins the guy for dinner, scarfing down a burrito and getting literally right in the dude’s face. It would appear Dusty has zero concept of the term ‘personal space’. Anyway, his burritos will make you hop hop hop. I have no idea what that means. Pretty sure Dusty doesn’t either, God love him.
I should also note the guy with Dusty is NOT “Diamond Dan” Garza. And yes, I asked. Because I’m kinda a jerk. At least to him.
#3 – Dusty Rhodes – Pizza Delivery Man!
Here it is, the first one that ever aired and let me tell you this one is something else, incredibly worthy of being in the top three for sure. Again, imagine you are watching WWF TV in the summer of 1989 and all of a sudden Dusty Rhodes, yes THAT Dusty Rhodes, is driving around in a dilapidated VW bug with “Americana Pizza” slapped on the side. Dusty shows up at the house with all kinds of pizza – sardine pizza, mountain oyster pizza, and naturally pigs feet pizza (with a little bit of snout on the side). She offers to share her pie with him. The pizza, you pervs. And he lifts it high in the air before dropping it down his gullet. How on earth could people (including myself!) have ever hated these? They’re great!
#2 – Dusty Rhodes – Butcher!
Now we arrive at the Americana Butcher Shop, where they don’t sell no soda pop, but if you’re looking for good beef it’s the place to stop! He walks around slapping sides of beef with his friend Earnest, a man who looks like he has no idea what is happening at any point in time. Heck, he looks kinda scaredd at one point, seemingly looking for the nearest exit. We get a tour of the shop, checking out veal, rump roast, and baloney. “And we’re full of it today!” Dust adds. He then grabs some metal gimmick (I ain’t a butcher, I have no clue what it is) and begins to stroke it up and down like it’s…well, yeah. As if that weren’t lewd enough, Dusty uncorks this gem on us: “You cannot beat my prices…but you sure can beat my meat!” Which of course may be the most quoted of all these silly things!
#1 – Dusty Rhodes – Plumber!
Let’s get this out of the way – I didn’t pick this one as the winner because it starts with crap floating in a toilet. Granted, that would be a great tie in to this here site, but it seriously is my favorite one. Part of that is because Dusty has always maintained he was the son of a plumber, so it’s kinda awesome that he’s here working on a legitimate commode. And it’s a good thing, because the water is, and I am just quoting Dusty here, shhhhh-ocolate brown! No need to fret though, as Dusty is going to perform the first ever TRIPLE POTTY BYPASS! Also, he’s apparently hard. Listen to the audio, that’s what the man said. I don’t want to know why. Pretty sure you don’t either. Anyway, the dinger is dinging again and the ringer is ringing again, so life is good for our poor home owner. And SPEAKING OF THE HOME OWNER…
…there’s been a LOT of speculation over just who the woman was in this skit. This would be further fueled by the fact that when this one aired on Prime Time Wrestling back in the day, Bobby Heenan made some VERY unkind remarks about the woman as Gorilla looked on in disgust. There are two primary theories here as to if this woman was someone within the company, with the two top suspects being Linda McMahon and Bobby’s wife Cindy!
I won’t tell you how many hours I’ve spent trying to figure this one out. I don’t think it was Linda, although if you listen to the clip it sounds like her. Sorta. But after several hours of listening to various clips of Linda like this one and going back and comparing to the Dusty skit (yes, that’s the thrilling life I have!) , I’m not onboard with them being the same. Additionally, while I don’t have a photo from exactly that era of Linda, I do have this one from a few years later and…I just don’t see the similarities. Maybe you do. But as for Cindy, I DO have a photo of her from just a few months prior to this, when she appeared on Prime Time no less!
The image on the right would be from the December 12 ep of Prime Time which was shot at Busch Gardens. In an amazing skit on that show, Bobby and Gorilla are approached by a woman and her daughter who proclaim their love for Gorilla. While never named, this was Cindy and Jessica, Bobby’s daughter. The Brain of course takes offense, laying into the little girl and telling her how rude she is. She responds by getting angry then yelling “WEASEL” at him as she stomps on his foot! Further, I can tell you this: the Dusty vignettes were largely filmed in Florida, and according to Bruce Prichard, some were in the neighborhood in which Bobby and Cindy lived with their daughter. So in theory, it could very well have been filmed not only in the neighborhood, but at Bobby’s actual house and that would make sense that Cindy may have been cast. And the fact that Bobby trash talked the woman in the skit is so perfectly Heenan that I will never believe it was NOT Cindy in the skit. Which makes this one the best ever by a landslide!