The Desperados


Anybody remember the old Eagles ditty “Desperado”? A classic tune in every sense of the word, and a song still played constantly over the airwaves of American rock stations. Well, the song may have been by the Eagles, but the wrestling gimmick was brought to you by a bunch of turkeys, in this case, the brain trust at WCW.

Never heard of the Desperados? Well then kick up your cowboy boots and tip back your hat. We’re about to mosey back to the old west, WCW style.

The Desperados were a cowpoke trio consisting of long time journeyman Black Bart…

…long time journeyman (and Human Chia Pet) “Dirty” Dutch Mantell…

…and deaf, dumb, and half blind journeyman Dead Eye Dick.

Ok, so he wasn’t really deaf. Or half blind. But believe it or not, that’s what the nimrods at WCW wanted you to believe! Here’s Bart and Dutch to tell you more.

While all this was naturally really stupid, I suppose one could make the argument Dick was dumb, although perhaps not in the handicapped sense of the word.

So what did this legendary trio do? Kick ass? Take names? Win titles?

No, silly – they bumbled around old movie sets in a series of incredibly unfunny skits, all in a vain attempt to track down Stan Hansen.

Some times, they’d argue with each other. Other times, they’d hit each other with their 10 gallon hats. But more often than not, they’d just hoot and hollar, usually ending up dancing about like the gayest cowboys this side of a Village People reunion.

Keep in mind the fact that this went on for weeks. One week they’d be in a saloon, playing cards. The next week, they’d be laying by a campfire. The week after, they’d lock themselves in a jail cell.

And here’s the kicker – the skits would last up to 10 MINUTES! TEN F’ING MINUTES OF THIS MINDLESS, IRRITATING, UNFUNNY CRAP, WEEK IN AND WEEK OUT!

But there was a big payoff, right? A big debut on a Clash of the Champions? A wild run as tag champs? The glorious return of Stan Hansen?

Oh, come on…this is early 90’s WCW we’re talking about! You guys KNOW better than that by now, right?

It led, of course, to absolutely NOTHING. The weeks and weeks of torture fans had to endure amounted to nothing, as Hansen reportedly said he wanted nothing to do with something as idiotic as the Desperados.

Now do you understand why people respect Stan Hansen?

Black Bart (bellowing): “I ain’t heard Dead Eye Dick say one dag gum word in about 32 years!”

Dirty Dutch Mantell: “That’s an in-TER-esting point, he can’t hear either. Dead Eye Dick cannot hear.”

Bart: “And another thing, that patch…that dag gum patch…Dead Eye Dick is blind in one eye! He kain’t hear, and he kain’t see either! Now what we gonna do about that?!”

RD: “Well, dumbasses, maybe you should get him to a doctor?”

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