In the storied history of WrestleCrap, this may be a first. Not only are we inducting something on the basis of what could have been, but we are also simultaneously kinda sorta defending Vince Russo.
Did the world just stop turning?
In the summer of 1999, a movie hit theaters that was unlike any before: The Blair Witch Project. It was a “movie” much in the same sense that say Blade Braxton’s Revenge of the Scorpion was a movie. While the film makers no doubt had dreams (much as I’m sure Blade did), they could have never in their wildest imagination counter on the fact that their $22,000 film would eventually go on to become the biggest independent film ever made (memo to Blade: this will never happen).
In other words, in the summer of 99, there wasn’t much a whole lot hotter.
Meanwhile, in the land of the WWF…
Raw was starting to really catch on with wrestling fans, pulling in both the hardcores and a new, casual viewing audience. While acts like Stone Cold Steve Austin, D-X, and Mick Foley were the main attraction, there was also someone who drew just insane ratings that is often forgotten: Rena Mero, known to fans the world over as Sable.
Hands off, buster!
No doubt she was breathtaking – a gorgeous stacked blonde who was fit, and could “wrestle” just well enough to keep fans totally entertained. But just as she was hitting her zenith by appearing in Playboy, things began to spiral out of control behind the scenes. Mero filed a lawsuit against the WWF, claiming sexual harassment and an unsafe working environment. Well, someone did take a poop in her gymbag. Not sure that’s worth ONE HUNDRED AND TEN MILLION DOLLARS, but I’ve never had someone defecate on my personal property so who am I to say?
Those within WWF were, naturally, furious. Seeking some type of retribution, they decided that perhaps a series of skits mocking Sable would be just the ticket. And who better to perform this comedy routine than arguably the two most underutilized guys on the entire roster – namely, Stevie Richards and the Blue Meanie?
Before I continue, a confession: I think that Stevie Richards is the single most underused and underappreciated wrestling talent of the past 10 years. I thought he was by far the most amusing character in the history of ECW, as his stuff with the likes of Raven and Beulah were some of the funniest bits I’ve ever seen. His run with the bWo was great, and it seemed when he hit WCW, and later the WWF, he would be a tippy toppy guy.
Sadly, that never happened. Instead, he has seemingly been stuck in lower to midcard hell for the past few years (although even then, he’s tried to do something with his career with stuff like Stevie Night Heat). Could the Blonde Bytch Project have been his ticket out of the slums?
Hindsight being 20-20, perhaps it could have. Obviously Richards had a knack for doing parodies; the Blue World Order was a send-up of the New World Order, and he also did countless, ahem, “tributes”, to the likes of the Fabulous Ones, Baron Von Rashke, and others during his ECW stint. So it seemed very appropriate that he, along with his co-hort Meanie (who also appeared in many of his ECW bits), would be given a chance to lampoon one of the biggest movie hits of the year.
Now if you’ve never seen the Blair Witch Project, let me set the scene. There were these three student film makers who headed out into the woods to track down the mythical Blair Witch. The story goes that they went out into the woods with their cameras, but were never seen again. Their footage, though, was found and was spliced together to make the movie. The producers of the film even went so far as to claim that the three leads were, in fact, deceased. This lead to a ton of folks believing that the footage was real, a theory played up by the fact that the footage was all shot on these crappy home video cameras.
Now if you’ve ever seen the movie, you remember the ominous opening…
No doubt WWF fans knew something was up when they saw this appear during an episode of Sunday Night Heat:
And sure enough, here are our two sports entertainers, hanging out at what appears to be a dilapidated shack. Come on guys – surely you can you afford something a LITTLE better than that on what Vince pays you. Right? Right?
Anyways, Stevie starts ragging on Meanie, calling him a big loser.
To be fair, I have to side with Stevie here since a) Meanie is playing In Your House and b) he’s chosen Ahmed Johnson as his character. I mean, dude – fessing up to playing that pile of crap is bad enough, but doing so as BIG T does kind of grant you exclusive membership in the Dumbass of the Month club.
Meanie gets mad and turns off the game, choosing instead to watch a scary movie. Richards starts ripping on him again, but this time Meanie tells him to plug his word hole – he has something REALLY scary to tell him about: the legend of the Blond Bytch!
And then, just as in the movie, the two run off to the woods to find out to discover the truth.
Unlike the movie, however, this story ends two minutes in.
Yes, sadly only the first episode of Blond Bytch ever aired. The plug was pulled a mere one week into its run, thus giving the wrestling world the biggest mystery since the saga of the Dusty Rhodes-Baby Doll photos: what happened to the Blond Bytch?
Glad you asked. See, there are two prevailing theories. One is that the WWF got cold feet with the threat of the lawsuit, and decided that perhaps making fun of Sable on air wasn’t the best idea. After all, why give someone who is already suing you more ammunition for their case?
The second, and much more amusing story – provided to us by Vince Russo during his interview on WrestleCrap Radio – is that Vince McMahon saw the first skit, and was baffled. He just didn’t “get it”. This was because Vince McMahon had never seen Blair Witch and therefore presumed that no one else in the world had either.
This, of course, despite the fact that the movie was in the process of making a QUARTER OF A BILLION DOLLARS.
Apparently there were actually up to a half dozen of these segments filmed, so one can only hope that some day, when WWE 24/7 really starts cracking open the vault, we will finally get to see what happened with the Blond Bytch.
After all, Sable isn’t hanging out with anyone who might sue the company these days.
Oh yeah, right…
Stevie Richards: “Meanie, you can practice all you want, you’re still a LOOOO-SER!”
Blue Meanie: “Look bonehead, when we were playing In Your House and I was Ahmed Johnson, you couldn’t touch me!”