Steven Regal – A Real Man’s Man!

Steven Regal - A Real Man's Man

Although William Regal has had several different monikers over the years, all his personas tended to be quite similar, portraying him as a snotty Englishman who felt superior to the lowly Americans he performed in front of – and against. Whether as “Lord” Steven Regal, as he was known in his WCW days, or under today’s facade as William Regal, he has an innate ability to draw an audience’s ire with just a foul look.

But did you know that during Regal’s first WWF stint, he wasn’t portrayed as a snoot at all, but rather as a blue collar, working class hero? Well, strictly speaking, I guess he was a heel, attacking such fan favorites as X-Pac.

Hmm, fan favorite X-Pac. That’s got to be an oxymoron.

Anyway, onto Steven Regal, a “Real Man’s Man.” The WWF introduced him to fans via a series of vignettes in which Regal did such manly things as chopping down trees…

…and using bulldozers to turn large piles of dirt into somewhat smaller piles of dirt!

Why he would even mix his own concrete by hand. Ok, so he actually used a shovel, not his bare hands. But that still made him very manly. I guarantee you wouldn’t catch a woman doing that, no siree. You really need a penis to do such things.

Why, he would even shave. That’s very manly.

I guess.

You know, by this time, it appeared the WWF was running out of manly things for the Real Man’s Man to do. I mean, come on, shaving? Even the un-manliest of mans shaves.

But it takes a real brute of a man to squeeze his own orange juice! And it takes an even bigger man to have his own announcer proclaiming just how manly a feat this is!

Holding a knife in one hand and his orange juice in the other, he downed his homemade beverage, pulp and all.

After about six weeks of build up, The Real Man’s Man appeared in WWF rings, complete with quite possibly the goofiest theme music of all time.

Wasn’t that whistle the same opening as Tugboat’s old theme? Why, I think it was.

Now how exactly being a working class schmoe was supposed to have fans hating Regal’s guts is truly a mystery. After all, it was Steve Austin’s beer drinking every man that made him a hero to millions. But hey, Vince is a billionaire and I’m just some hack on a website, so what do I know?

The real question is why Regal would agree to such a silly gimmick. Well, by his own admission, he was so drunk and stoned at the time that he doesn’t even recall his stint as the “Real Man’s Man”, and simply did whatever WWF management requested, with no questions asked. Shortly after his stint, he went through rehab, cleaned himself up, and proved himself to WWF management with an awesome match against Chris Benoit at the Brian Pillman Memorial Show.

See? Not every ‘wrestler confronts his personal demons’ story turns out bad.

Just most of them.

Very manly announcer announces in a very manly tone: “No additives. No concentrate. You won’t find this man pouring juice from a cardboard container, oh no! He squeezes his own hand picked Florida oranges and savors his extractions, pulp and all! He’s Steven Regal – a Real Man’s Man!”

Tugboat Whistle! “He’s a man…such a man…such a man…he’s a real, real man’s man!”

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