For this week’s induction, we turn to Tuesday Night Titans, the favorite cheat code of WrestleCrap writers.
This 1986 episode, “Macho Man Meets an Impersonator”, might seem innocuous enough, but make no mistake: you will be horrified by the junk in this segment.
After hyping up the crowd…
…host Gene Okerlund notes that his sidekick Lord Alfred Hayes is missing. Nonetheless, the show must go on, so Gene brings out his first guests, Macho Man Randy Savage and Elizabeth.
Randy gives his entrance some extra pizzazz with a handful of confetti, a task he apparently couldn’t trust Liz with. It’s got to be macho confetti!
Despite her lack of confetti, Elizabeth is the center of Gene’s attention, with the host asking her to show off her dress. To you and me it looks like a curtain—both in material and in fit—but Gene finds it stunning.
Predictably, Randy doesn’t like the attention being taken away from him, so he has Gene show a clip to save the show from ratings disaster (in his estimation).
But the host once again turns his attention to Liz, whom he credits with Randy’s success. A furious Savage sets the record straight, though, and gets his valet to concur.
Gene then shows a feature from the latest WWF Magazine, an astrological analysis of the WWF Superstars. Savage gripes that his picture is too small, but he should really complain about being called “Virgo the virgin”, while Elizabeth is a Scorpio, “the sexiest sign of the zodiac”.
In reality (if you want to call it that), both Randy and Liz are Scorpios, but if the magazine had to call one of them a virgin, shouldn’t it be St. Elizabeth the Pure?
It’s time now for a commercial break, so to keep fans hooked, the producers offer this teaser:
Mean Gene now has a surprise for his guests. Imitation being the sincerest form of flattery, he thinks they’d love a visit from the president of the Macho Madness Fan Club.
It takes Gene about five seconds to stop kidding himself, giving the most apathetic intro you’ll ever hear:
“Please welcome, uh, whatever.”
And as promised, out comes whatever. In this case, it’s a Macho Man impersonator, hailing from East Elephantbreath Falls, Montana and accompanied by manager Esmeralda.
Making all future Randy Savage impersonators look uncanny in comparison, this “lookalike” hobbles out like an arthritic grampa and tosses his own confetti (not a euphemism).
Then he starts talking, and the case of the missing Lord Alfred is solved (for everyone except the host and guests)
Just as with the real Randy Savage, Mean Gene is taken with the fake Randy Savage’s valet.
“My dear,” says Okerlund, “it reminds me of Hooterville.” Easy there, Gene. You can’t all be randy!
And like the real Randy Savage, Bloke Machismo takes exception, putting Esmeralda in her place.
You look at the fake beard, the doughy physique, and the atrocious accent, and you’d think the real Randy Savage would hate it. And he is indeed skeptical at first, but Lord Alfred’s misogyny wins him over.
Soon, he’s sticking up for his new pal. “Hey, leave him alone, he’s doin’ fine!” interjects Randy.
Savage positively marks out for the Macho Lord, peppering the demonstration with commentary:
“Flattery, yeah!”
“Atta baby, man, make her do the thing and do it right!”
Gene then directs the camera to the fake Macho Man’s shoes. I don’t know about you, but I can’t ever recall Randy wearing any footwear but wrestling boots and cowboys, let alone these high-top sneakers.
So this is a horrible Macho Man impression, from the costume to the voice, but what makes it horrifying is what’s going on in the tights.
By now, you’ve noticed the elephant in Lord Alfred’s pants. It’s bad enough that, to paraphrase an American president, Alfred Hayes looks disgusting- -nipples protruding- -in his purple shirt before the TNT audience. Very very disrespectful.
But how did anyone let Alfred on camera with his banger and mash waving to the audience like that?
And then call himself the “Inter-con-genital champion“!?
It’s not even true to life (the outfit, that is). Randy himself is wearing jeans!
What turns Savage against his impersonator, though, is what’s written on his back. After getting a 360 view, Gene notices the words, “Randy who?” on Lord Alfred’s shirt.
Gene asks if he could prevail upon him for another demonstration…
…and Alfred, after revealing he took his American accent from Yosemite Sam and Curly, obliges.
Incensed, Randy tears off Alfred’s wig, shirt, and—thank God—nothing else…
…then shows the audience who the real Macho Man is.
And Mean Gene is stunned to discover the Macho Fan’s true identity, having up to now failed to recognize Alfred Hayes or his, uh, lordship.