Ken the Box

Ken the Box

I’m almost at a loss of words to describe this one. Ken here is the product of what can only be considered abstract-art-by-way-of-professional-wrestling. Either that, or our second theory: He was thought up by a second-grader.

A little backstory: In Japan, there’s a fed called Saitama Puroesu (SPWC), which is basically an indy fed. So indy, in fact, that they don’t even have a ring, but rather, perform their shows on mats. The main eventer for these shows is this guy, Survival Tobita:

Anyway, this guy’s a modern day monster-slayer or something. With each show, he faces some new “monster” wrestler, and not of the Kane variety. Hell, not even of the Yeti variety. These creatures are poorly dressed in bad costumes and given horribly weird backstories. There’s a recent one called Education Mamagon, whose offensive fighting includes forcing Tobita to read a book during the match! I rag on Memphis area gimmicks a lot, but this stuff takes the cake.

However, there’s one of these monsters that Tobita has yet to defeat, and that’s Ken here. After, I believe, 3 matches, Survival has yet to beat the man of wood.
And if you’re wondering: no, there isn’t much mobility in that suit. Basically, he just swings his arms around. Based on an old Japanese legend, the character was first adapted for modern times by the makers of the video game Tekken 3.

You have to wonder, though…if this guy was hired by WWE, would HHH job to him? Maybe he’d just take his sledgehammer and nail him to the mat. Or…maybe he could come to the states to fight Hacksaw Duggan on some indy shows, claiming that the trusty (“Hoooooooo!!!!!”) 2×4 was his first cousin, and now he wants revenge.

Imagine the T-Shirt sales: “GOT WOOD?”

I’m telling you, this gimmick is a stroke of genius.

Or perhaps just dreamt up by someone in the middle of a stroke.

And somehow, it’s still better than The Red Rooster.

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