Earlier this week, Blade calls me up and suggests doing a special Mother’s Day update on the site. I have to admit, I was skeptical. I mean, really, there’s Beaver Cleavage’s (sadly now deceased) mom. And then there’s….who else, really? I mean, sure Men on a Mission (MOM) was stretching it. Who else is there?
“Judy Bagwell!” Blade squealed with girlish delight.
Oh dear God no…I’ve been putting this induction off for literally years, fearing once more revisiting the horror that was the reign of terror of Buff Bagwell’s mama. But now, there is no turning back.
November 9, 1998.
Screw Pearl Harbor, this is a date that will live in infamy.
For it was on this date that Rick Steiner decided to ditch his WCW tag team partner, long suffering Jobber of the Week Kenny Kaos. For you see, he had a new cohort in mind that would ensure his tag title reign would continue for years to come.
This woman: Judy Bagwell.
Considering that Steiner once came to the ring with a pet fly (yes, like the kind you’d swat) and also feuded with a dummy (Chucky), this shouldn’t really have come as any surprise.
What was a shock, however, is that the pair were able to fend off the duo of Scott Steiner and Buff, going to a no contest.
Judy, being the annoying loud mouth we’d all come to know and hate, threw out a challenge to their foes, for a rematch at the World War III PPV.
Sadly for this championship duo, Scott injured Judy, leading to her forfeiting her lone championship run.
You’d think this would be the last we’d see of her, but…
…two years later she’d make her return to WCW, involving herself in a feud between Positively Chris Kanyon and her little boy (who’d since turned babyface).
Kanyon (doing a DDP gimmick at the time) didn’t take kindly to her butting in, and shoved her in a car trunk. Sadly, he didn’t do what pretty much everyone wanted, driving the car off a cliff and ridding us of Judy forever.
The woman was like a cockroach, as she survived to once again return to the ring, with the story being that instead of Kanyon beating her up, she beat him up.
I guess she wasn’t a WCW tag champion for nothing!
All of this stupidity led to WCW advertising a “Judy Bagwell on a Pole” match. Unfortunately, no pole big enough could be found for the “big, fat battleax” (tm, Chris Kanyon), and the bout was revised and made a “Judy Bagwell on a Forklift” match.
And, you see, the stips were that if Kanyon won, he’d get Judy as her personal valet.
That was if KANYON won, mind you. See, he wanted Judy to be his version of Kimberly.
Now I’m not saying this angle didn’t make sense or anything…
Oh wait, maybe I am.
Just when you thought things couldn’t possibly get worse, guess who made the run in during this bout?
Oh yes…former WCW world champion David Arquette.
I’m trying to think if I could book something worse.
Short of bringing back Cheatum, I don’t think so.
Mr. Cox’s interference backfired, leading to a super sloppy double Blockbuster, the likes of which hasn’t been since the last indy show you attended that had 25 people total in the audience.
Buff won the match, and thereby giving us the greatest Mother’s Day gift of all time: sparing us from the natural feud of Judy Bagwell vs. David Arquette.
I never thought I’d say this, but THANK YOU, MARCUS BAGWELL.