Unless you lived through the era, there is no way for you to understand just how gigantic a star Hulk Hogan was in the mid 1980s. I was never the biggest Hulkamaniac, but one of my fondest memories in all of wrestling history was being at a WWF house show in Cincinnati when Hogan came out. No idea who he was working that night, but I will never forget it being so loud and exciting as he came to the ring. I remember closing my eyes and just thinking, “I bet I will never forget this moment.”
RD of 2020 to Randy of 1986: “You are right. You won’t.”
Hogan was everywhere: talk shows, MTV, Entertainment Tonight, you name it. With this much fame, it made sense for the guy to get his own cartoon as pretty much anyone with notoriety was getting one at the time. Heck, the Rubik’s Cube got a cartoon!
Anyone remember this train wreck?
I mean, Hulk Hogan’s Rock n Wrestling cannot possibly this bad, right?
ONE WAY TO FIND OUT!
So today we are going to head back to Saturday morning in 1986 and watch an episode dubbed “Gorilla My Dreams.”
PRO TIP: Never say that your girlfriend/wife. Especially whilst rubbing her legs if she hasn’t shaved in a day or two.
Trust me, I speak from experience.
As we meet up with the Hulkster and friends, they are at a costume party. Junkyard Dog is a pirate, Captain Lou is a criminal, and Wendi Richter is…to be honest, I have no idea. I do know that Hogan is a cowboy, though. YEEEE HAW!
From the “things you never wanted to know” file, we also learn that Captain Lou walks around with turkey legs down his pants.
I could honestly have seen that happening in real life.
Andre the Giant is also here, and he is dressed up as a gorilla. Since as I had mentioned the show is entitled “Gorilla My Dreams”, I’m guessing that’s important. So Andre, tired of being around people (true to life from what the Brain told me), decides to leave the party and get some fresh air.
Moments later, a REAL gorilla shows up. Sadly, not Monsoon. Instead, this would be a primate brought to the party by bad guys waiting out in a truck, who are orchestrating his moves via a mind controlling necklace of some sort.
Who could be doing this? The show featured lots of heels from the wrestling ring, from Roddy Piper to Big John Studd to Sheik and Volkoff to Mr. Fuji to Fabulous Moolah. Even Bobby Heenan was on from time to time. Imagine my shock and dismay to learn the villains here are…
….just two random generic hoods.
I mean, sure, the one doesn’t have a nose but that don’t make him Voldemort.
Also disappointing would be the actual quality of animation on this here progrem.
I guess I shouldn’t complain anytime Hulk Hogan gets thrown into a wall by an ape, but it would be nice to see it animated just slightly better than that. Holy smokes.
Now you may be questioning who that fellow wearing a sombrero and a parka is. Think to the mid 80’s WWF and the answer would be clear.
Pedro Morales, shown here wrestling Fabulous Moolah for some reason.
Wait, no, my bad. The guy in the cartoon is Tito Santana.
Pretty sure that is Moolah in the picture above though. Looks just like her!
Back to our story as it were, as the cybernetically controlled chimp steals a priceless necklace. The nogoodniks command Congo to bring the necklace back to the truck, but he’s got other ideas…
…namely, hooking up with Wendi Richter. I never found Wendi to be particularly attractive, but even I have to believe she could do better.
Anyway, Wendi takes off Congo’s mind control gizmo, and he jumps out the window with the expensive bauble.
(And yes, I know somewhere Max Shreck is nodding my using this term. Hopefully with his woefully underrated son Chip by his side.)
The monkey gone, Andre comes back in and fingers immediately point at him having stolen the necklace. It’s a case of mistaken identity!
Wait, no, MONKSTAKEN APEDENTITY!
Eh, I’ll show myself out.
Hulk the Cowboy, Junkyard the Pirate, and Wendi the…Wendi, jump in Hulk’s speedster and start driving around town to find the real criminal, that no good dirty ape.
And sure enough they find him at the Golden Gate Bridge.
Wait a second…you’re telling me that the folks that made Rise of the Planet of the Apes got the idea for the big fight scene in that movie from THIS cartoon?
Seriously – it’s RIGHT THERE!
Heck, Hulk even climbs up the bridge after apes in the cartoon EXACTLY like in the movie.
Man, you learn something new every day.
Off to a boat we go next, with Congo running amok all over town.
You know what else is running amok?
More horrible animation, that’s what!
And if that wasn’t shoddy, enough, we go to the police station where Andre is fingerprinted. He smears some of the ink on his face and this is the result:
Like seriously, did they try at ALL on this show? That legit looks like the “artist” accidentally smeared some ink on the cell and just said, “Eh, no one will ever notice.” May have taken 35 years, but rest assured, someone did, buddy!
Somehow, Captain Lou and Tito also wind up in jail with Andre. Don’t ask me why, I ain’t going back to check.
I do know this, though: Captain Lou explains if they are in jail, they should start ACTING LIKE CRIMINALS. That seems to me to be a very bad idea. If anyone reading this winds up in the pokey, don’t do that.
One Fun with Tam segment on the show is enough.
BTW, could Tito possibly have a more gigantic sombrero on his head? It seems to grow larger with each passing scene!
We get it, cartoon. HE’S MEXICAN. No need to beat us over the cabeza about it.
Naturally the whole show leads to Congo grabbing Wendi and carrying her to the top of a skyscraper as the bad guys (wanting the necklace) and the good guys (wanting to save Wendi) follow in hot pursuit. A battle atop the building follows in which Wendi falls off the building.
No, really, she does. STOP DOUBTING ME.
But before you can say “Hulk Hogan on a Hang Glider” she is saved by…
…Hulk Hogan on a Hang Glider!
Somewhere, I hear Rachel McAdams scolding me. “RD, stop trying to make “Hulk Hogan on a Hang Glider” happen. It’s not going to happen.”
So the cartoon ends with the gorilla getting caught and taken to jail or the zoo or something. Don’t know, don’t really care. But of course, it’s not the actual gorilla that gets taken away in the paddy wagon, but Andre instead.
I honestly don’t know this show could get much more 80’s than that, unless they played Hulk’s original WWF theme music at full blast over the end credits.
Which of course they do.
No, it’s not Real American. That song was originally released for Mike Rotundo and Barry Windham, believe it or not. Can you imagine how awesome that video they did for the song with Hogan in it would have been if it had Captain Mike in there instead?
Because let me tell you, I CAN.