TNA, 2007
In 2007, Team 3D was willing to do anything to win the NWA World Tag Team titles and go down as the most decorated team of all time. See, the former Dudley Boyz had held the ECW, WWE, and even WCW titles…
…but they had never won the NWA World Tag Team titles, which Ray called, the “most glorified tag team titles” in the business. As in, glorified TNA titles.
But once upon a time, those NWA World Tag Team titles had been held by all the great teams, from the Midnight Express…
…to the Andersons…
…to the Heavenly Bodies.
Believe it or not, the NWA didn’t sanction an official world tag team title until July 1992, making the belts newer than any title Team 3D had held by that point.
And so, for TNA Lockdown 2007, Team 3D accepted LAX’s challenge to do battle in an electric steel cage, a first on American pay-per-view.
True, CZW had held numerous matches in an electrified cage…
…an ingenious effect achieved by hooking up jumper cables and electrocuting the wrestlers for real…
…but this electrified cage match would feature world-class performers, a nationwide audience, and a budget CZW could only dream of.
Dubbed “Ten Thousand Volts of Violence”, TNA’s electric cage match promised the kind of dinosaur-proof current that would put CZW’s car battery set-up to shame.
Willing to risk life and limb to hold the same titles once worn by The Head Bangers, Brother Ray of Team 3D cut an impassioned, racist promo on the champions.
“The United States puts electrified fences up to keep people like you out!” said Ray. “Well tonight, that electrified cage is up to keep you people in.” He was a babyface, by the way.
But Team 3D faced long odds — not only did they have to contend with the electric cage, they also had to overcome the so-called St. Louis Curse.
As Tenay explained, despite 16 NWA World Heavyweight title changes in the city since 1925, the NWA World Tag Team Titles had never once changed hands in St. Louis! Because they didn’t exist!
Speaking of fake titles, Team 3D arrived draped in replicas from WWE Shop.
LAX’s ring attire was much more practical, arriving in rubber boots and gloves…
…which is more than could be said for the referee. Completely no-selling the danger of the electricity surrounding him on all sides, Earl Hebner didn’t even bother with protective rubber.
After the ring crew brought out a big giant thing of electricity and hooked it up to the ring…
…it was time to ring the bell and make history. “We’re gonna shock the world!” said Mike Tenay. Now where had we heard that before?
Like a doofus, Homicide quickly ditched his gloves and got the first taste of electricity when Brother Ray made him touch the fence…
…while somehow avoiding getting shocked himself.
After Konnan got a hold of the key to the cage…
…the actual Gobbledy Gooker intervened to prevent him from getting in. Not like there was a ramp, anyway.
Hector Guerrero then opened the cage and offered a steel chair to Ray, who instead demanded a “f***ing table”.
That’s right — in a ring surrounded by a 10,000-volt electric fence, the most violent act Brother Ray could think of was to knock someone through particle board.
Thus began a Wimbledon-worthy volley of the idiot ball:
Hernández decided to scoop up Devon, hold him in the air, then slam him to the canvas instead of the electrified cage.
Ray then paraded Homicide on his shoulders around the ring before powerbombing him to the mat.
At last, Hernández remembered the 10,000 volts of deadly electricity just feet away from him on all sides. Now came the moment the fans had paid to see…
The moment TNA had built a special cage just to make possible….
Somebody was going to get electrocuted. Fried. Zapped like a bug. Westinghoused, even.
And so, in the most anticipated spot of the match, the big man Border-Tossed Devon right into the electrified cage…
…causing the lights to dim and Devon to flop around.
That was it. No pyro, no sparks, no nothing. It seems the entire special effects team consisted of one guy with a dimmer switch, blowing a raspberry over the PA.
Call me simple-minded, but was it not a bad sign when the fans booed the s**t out of the payoff and chanted “Fire Russo”? Unless they loved Devon so much that they couldn’t bear to see him electrocuted….
Hernández then decided to cause some *real* damage. So rather than simply fling Devon into the electric fence again, he would instead set up a table…
…place Devon on it…
…put rubber gloves on…
…climb the cage…
…carefully straddle the top of the cage to avoid electrocution…
…jump ten feet to the table below…
…and hope Devon would still be there when he landed.
Homicide then rushed at Devon, not counting on the veteran’s ring awareness. In this case, “ring awareness” meant remembering the live electric fence just two steps away in every direction. Devon threw Homicide into the cage wall, to which he made vigorous and passionate love.
As the lights flickered some more, Homicide fell onto his opponents, who dropped him. Again the fans booed, but in fairness to Team 3D, it had little to do with seeing them whiff on their finisher, and more to do with realizing they’d bought tickets to an Imagination Cage Match.
The challengers quickly executed their finishing move for real, then pinned Homicide to win the titles. I bet they felt just a little silly lugging two real belts and six fake ones to the back.
The next match was the Lethal Lockdown main event, where TNA had clearly allocated their entire effects budget —
— The meaningless pyro looked one million times better than whatever it was they trotted out for the Electric Cage Match.
But in another way, the Electric Cage Match managed to make all the other matches on the Lockdown card worse —
— To make the electric cage look legit, TNA had had to eschew the traditional chain link fence and the classic visuals and sounds that go along with it.
So the next time you see an old TNA video of guys fighting in a giant chicken coop…
…or that one Eric Andre clip…
…you’ll remember the Electric Cage Match.