Long time readers of this site know my take on Doink the Clown. The original Doink, an evil, balloon popping, cigar smoking bad ass, was one of the greatest gimmicks of the early 90’s WWF. His theme music, replete with screams and evil laughter, still sends chills up and down my spine. Yes, Doink was a great, great gimmick.
Naturally, then, Vince decided that he would be better served playing to the crowd, and turned Doink babyface. Suddenly, all the cool factor was taken out of the character, and we were subjected to a white faced buffoon playing unfunny tricks on the bad guys of the world.
Say what you will about Doink, but Vince loved the character, even when the fans did not. In fact, he loved the guy so much that he made him a vital part of back to back Survivor Series, with not just one, not just two, not just three, but four clowns at each show!
We start out with Survivor Series 1993, and Doink himself is nowhere in sight.
Don’t celebrate, though – because here comes Butch Doink…
…and Luke Doink. Ladies and gentlemen, the Doink Wackers!
Not bad enough? Well, then, somebody…anybody…everybody scream!
Here comes Oscar Doink…
…and the biggest, blackest, and scariest looking clown you will ever see in your life, Mabel Doink – Doinks on a Mission!
As for the match itself, I’ll say only this – Bastion Booger was probably FIFTH in the contest on the Reynolds Scale of Idiotic Gimmicks.
The fiasco ended with Bam Bam Bigelow doing a job when everyone did a pile on and Vince cackled with glee.
After the match, Doink himself showed up on the video screen, and taunted Bigelow with an unfunny (and seemingly never ending!) spiel about what we had just seen.
Which, of course, no one wanted to be reminded of.
Things couldn’t get worse…or could they?
Hey, this is the WWF – anything can happen!
And it did (and it did get worse) at the 1994 Survivor Series, as Jerry Lawler made his way to the ring with his “Little Kings”, Cheezy, Sleazy, and Queazy.
Vince decided that three midgets in the match just wasn’t enough, and so we had WrestleCrapper Dink leading his pint sized pals Pink and Wink into battle along with the now happy-go-sucky Doink.
If the picture to the left, combined with the images of Viscera Doink above, don’t cause you nightmares and severe mental trauma, you simply have no soul.
The ’94 match was played strictly for comedy. Here, a chicken fight is the order of the day as Dink climbs atop his taller companion…
…while Lawler climbs atop one of his little guys.
Of course, Lawler is too big and both guys fall flat on their face.
Oh, the HILARITY!
The match ended with Lawler’s team winning, and the King taking the credit for the victory. He lambasted his teammates, which caused them to revolt, and join forces with Dink, Pink, and Wink. Midget madness ensued, and they chased Lawler to the back…
…where Doink was waiting with a cream pie, which won the 1994 Slammy for “Most Original Prop Used for Comic Effect”.
In fact, it was at the Slammys shortly after this fiasco that Vince finally got the hint that the clown had overstayed his welcome. A group of fans and wrestlers simultaneously started a “Kill the Clown” chant, and Doink and his midget pals were sent back to the circus.
“Circus”, of course, meaning independent wrestling shows, where the curse of the clown lives on to this day.
Vinny Mac: “Don’t tell me!”
Bobby “The Brain” Heenan: “C’mon, ref!”
McMahon: “This is a cartoon! My goodness, forget about Looney Toons! Forget about Hanna Barbara! They have nothing on the WWF!”