Dog Poo Match

Dog Poo Match

I could easily sum up this entry in one sentence.

“The WWF, in their infinite wisdom, once decided to have a match in which the competitors attempted to throw each other in dog shit.”

Period, the end.

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What’s that? You need more details? Oh, all right.

For reasons I don’t care to remember (and please do not email me what they were, because I really, REALLY don’t care), The Rock & Sock Connection (Rock & Mick Foley) were engaged in a mini-feud with Val Venis and Davey Boy Smith.

The four men brawled about the backstage area and through arenas, until finally, the score needed to be settled.

No mere cage would do the trick.

Dog collars? That’s for sissies!

No, there was only one type of match barbaric enough to declare a winner from in this rivalry.

And for that, you needed lots and lots of DOG SHIT.

Poor Mick Foley was given the unenviable task of scooping up doggie droppings (although to be fair, I am sure it was just mud or something) as the Rock explained the process by which they would use it against their foes.

I do not know what level of hatred you must have for your nemesis to plot and strategize exactly how you would use feces as a weapon, but it damn well must be pretty deep.

Mick came back as someone of his dorkily cool nature would – with an Airplane reference.

Say what you will about Mick’s willingness to fall off cages or the fact that he lost an ear for the sake of this business. That stuff all pales in comparison with his agreeing to shovel up dog crap for a sake of an angle.

That, dear reader, is dedication to one’s craft.

The point of the match was, of course, to throw your opponent into the canine feces.

Time out.

<RANT> You know, I have been doing this site for years, and I have written about a lot of DUMB stuff. Characters like the Gobbledy Gooker. Angles like Big Show getting thrown off the roof of an arena, only to re-appear without a scratch mere minutes later. But I never – NEVER – thought I would be writing about a bout in which the goal was to heave your opponent into actual SHIT. Of all the stupid things I have ever covered, this may well be the stupidest of the stupid. And that’s saying something. </RANT>

So the boys do their standard match, before Mick, deciding that even he isn’t hardcore enough to land in dung, takes Val to the backstage area.

That leaves us with Rock and Davey Boy…

…and, of course, poor ol’ Davey Boy took the dive into the platter o’ poop, as Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler screamed on.

And that was pretty much that. Davey and Rock had a match at the following PPV, and Smith was pretty much fazed out afterwards.

He died just a few years later.

What a sad, sad way to be remembered.

Rock: “We got the tray right here. The Rock says he wants you to take all the poop, we’re gonna take all the poop and shine it up real nice.”

Mick Foley: “I don’t think you could shine that stuff up!”

Foley: “I think Scraps is a boy dog!”

Michael Cole: “Oh no! A Rock Bottom into the dog poop! A Rock Bottom into the dog poop! The Dog Poop! The Dog Poop! The Dog Poop! The Dog Poop! The Dog Poop!”

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