Dennis Rodman – Pro Wrestler

Dennis Rodman

Believe it or not, this page has been the hardest to write of any entry here at WrestleCrap. Where do you start? Do you begin with the fact that, like Jay Leno and Master P, Dennis Rodman was yet another WCW celebrity failure? Or maybe you rip the guy for being a total jerk and showing up drunk more often than not? Or do you lambast the guy for not only polluting WCW rings, but wrestling events in Australia as well?

While those are all tough decisions, the induction of Dennis Rodman was an easy one.

You see, it was pretty much a given that the guy would suck in the ring. Despite being a natural athlete, it was assumed that he would receive little training, so the matches themselves would suck.

But you’d at least think that his interviews would be decent.

You’d be wrong, of course, and here is proof.

It’s really sad when, in interviews featuring Rodman and Hogan, you’d actually look forward to hearing Hogan blather on about the 24″ pyhtons.

Of course, you’d also expect Rodman to show up sober for matches. Again, you’d be wrong. I mean look at the guy…he looks like he just got done playing Quarters with Scott Hall and Jake Roberts!

Still, it was all worth it just to hear the dumbest intro Michael Buffer has ever done.

In case you didn’t catch all that, he’s bad. BAD. He’s a bad boy. He’s really, really bad.

Michael Jackson wasn’t this bad.

I think he’d have really gotten over if they’d mentioned a couple more times just how bad he is. Suffice to say, he’s bad. Yep.

Because he was so bad, he was really good in the ring. Why, he could leapfrog…

…and he could ARMDRAG! Yes, believe it or not, he could perform such complex maneuvers, moves that take most wrestlers a lifetime to master.

Well, at least that’s what the announcers would have you believe.

As if his stay in WCW weren’t awful enough, he was able to con some sap into paying him to perform in front of crowds in Australia.

We really don’t have to tell you how that turned out, do we?

Dennis Rodman (sounding like the illegitimate son of Steve McMichael): “Daytona, you don’t know what hit you. Because you know why? Cuz Rod the Bod and Hollywood Hulk Hogan, we’re here to tear this town apart. And you know what? Accept it…we ain’t goin’ anywhere. We’re not goin’ anywhere?”

Hogan (sounding almost embarassed): “No no no no….”

Michael Buffer: “His fierce competitiveness and desire to win has earned him the label of ‘bad boy’, and he’s proud of it. Because he’s so good, he’s as baaaaaaaad as he wants to be. And that’s very, very bad. Ladies and gentleman, the ultimate bad boy, Dennis Rodman!”

Dusty Rhodes (in “Eric has Promised Me First Dibs at the Post-Show Buffet” Mode): “He locked up, guys!”

Tony Schiavone (in “This is the Greatest Night in the History of Our Sport” Mode): “How about that!!”

Rhodes: “Armdrag! Armdrag! He just armdragged Lex Luger!! This place has gone crazy!!”

Bobby Heenan (in “I’ll Say Anything, Just Give Me A Paycheck” Mode): “Dennis Rodman has armdragged the Total Package!”

Rhodes: “And not even taken his shades off!!”

Heenan: “First time ever in a wrestling ring! WOW!!”

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