For the longest time, Bret “The Hitman” Hart was my favorite wrestler. Loved him when I first saw him tagging with Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart in the Hart Foundation, loved him as he made his way up the ranks to become World Champion. I think a large part of that was due to the fact that he took wrestling so seriously – he did everything he could to make things believable, which was quite a task when you consider the rampant cartoon buffoonery throughout the WWF during the late 1980s. But one night in Madison Square Garden, he too would join the goof troop. Because for one night, Bret Hart would become a BUSHWHACKER.
Now surely you remember good ol’ Cousin Luke and Cousin Butch, who came to us straight from New Zealand and paraded around as comical lunatics. They’d eat sardines then lick fans’ faces, all the while bouncing about doing the goofiest walk imaginable. And then there was the music. I’m not even sure why I need to include a link to it, because I promise once you heard it you never forgot it. Suffice to say, these guys were about the furthest removed you could be from The Hitman.
But this night in MSG, the boys from down under were facing the trio of The Nasty Boys and The Mountie. And they needed a partner.
So out comes Bret, slapping hands with every fan he sees. Just checkout that smile on Bret’s face! No doubt he’s thrilled to be out here to be an honorary Bushwhacker!
I should also note that one of the absolute best parts of all this was the announcers pondering who may be the Whackers’ third man this night. This despite the fact this graphic showed prior to ANYONE coming out. Production snafus ain’t nothin’ new to wrestling, kids!
So Jacques decides to show that he and the Nasty Boys are one cohesive unit, grabbing their hands and marching around the ring. Why he even stops to point out his mighty Mountie bicep!
This causes Cousin Butch to point at the Hitman, seemingly begging him to play along. And sure enough he does, motioning the ref to get out of harm’s way…and then we get full on BUSHWHACKER BRET HART! I mean, sure, he’s not in rhythm with them at all and his whacking is like 10x speed pf Luke and Butch, but cut him some slack – it’s his first time after all!
The match gets started in earnest, with Bret squaring off against Sags. But Bret has other ideas – he wants an ol’ fashioned battle of Canada with fellow countryman Jacques. The Mountie rightly points out that he’s not the legal man, which causes Bret Hart, yes BRET HART, to start doing honest-to-God CHICKEN MOTIONS at Rougeau. It appears as if Bret is unfamiliar with how to do this taunt, so Cousin Luke runs to ringside and starts flapping like his arm pits are on fire to show him proper technique. Why I can almost hear him saying, “Do it like this, mate!!”
Jacques takes the bait (or I guess the seed), and comes in and loosens up, presumably to show he is not, in fact, a chicken. We get a fun exchange between the two and Bret winds up on top, lowering the boom with a forearm to the chest. Even just watching a four second clip like this reminds me of just how great Bret was in his prime.
He then makes the mistake of tagging in Butch, who gets in exactly one offensive maneuver before being felled by an eye rake.
Sags tags in Knobbs, and Butch is able to retaliate with a boot to the face and a bulldog. He then comes back to bite Knobbs in the kiester, and when Saggs comes in, Luke does the same. Rougeau comes in to make the backside save, and in comes Bret to counter. I thought, for at least a split second, that the Mountie was about to be butt munched by Bret as well. Admit it – you did too!
This anal attack leads Mountie and the Nasties to head outside to regroup…which allows more Bushwhacker marching to take place inside. I love it when Bret is on the ropes trying to do the motion all on his own. It legit feels like he’d never seen this schtick before and someone explained what he was supposed to do three seconds before he came out.
Eventually the heels get the heat, strangulating Butch in the corner. This is naturally the bulk of the match, as we get this…
…for about five minutes straight. God bless the Whackers, but their WWF matches were all the same and none were any good.
Seeing Butch prone on the mat, Knobbs heads to the second rope and channels his inner Jimmy Snuka, flying high in the air falling bluntly to the mat and right into a Bushwhacker boot.
This allows Bret to tag back in, and he hits Mountie with an atomic drop of epic proportions, bouncing up and down like a pogo stick in pain. I appreciate the effort, but come on…
…he ain’t no Rick Rude!
At this point we’re in pier six brawl territory, with Bret ramming both Luke and Butch together in to their foes. Teamwork makes the reamwork! (Note from the editor: that’s not a typo.)
So the Whackers start throwing each guy into the corner and Bret continually kicks them in the face…
…which leads to the finish when all the heels get thrown together. Bret is then able to get a quick roll up and the pin for his team. And thus the era of Bushwhacker Bret Hart comes to its end. And while it was far too short, I think we can all agree…
…it was worth it just for this. OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!!