Bryan Danielson had a hard time in his WWE rookie year. Not as hard as it would have been under his own suggested ring name, Buddy Peacock, but hard nonetheless. Besides getting fired for BS reasons for the hottest angle in years, the re-christened Daniel Bryan had to contend with needlessly hostile commentary.
From Bryan’s first day, Michael Cole made it his mission to tell fans what a nerd he was. Get this: Bryan used to wrestle on the independent scene, where fans used the INTERNET.
Nerd!
Not only that, but he didn’t eat meat or drink soda or watch TV. So eager was Cole to call Bryan a nerd, he started lumping hippie stereotypes into the nerd pile. News flash, Cole: Not everyone jocks hate is a nerd.
But WWE apparently agreed that Bryan was too much of a nerd to be taken seriously, so they matched him up with some WWE Divas.
Which Divas? All of them at first, but eventually the Bella Twins…
…who took turns smooching with Daniel. Michael Cole couldn’t believe it, Jerry Lawler was shocked they’d kiss him “right in the kisser“, and CM Punk may have referenced that one Seinfeld scene.
For weeks, Nikki and Brie bookended Daniel Bryan to the utter bewilderment of Cole. What would two beautiful women want with a guy who couldn’t eat at McDonald’s?
Nikki and Bella positively threw themselves at the United States Champion, no matter who called him a nerd.
The Bella Twins even went on a double date with Daniel Bryan and his NXT rookie, Derrick Bateman. Nikki drew the short straw and officially had to pair up with Bateman, but both twins fawned over Bryan the whole night…
…and bickered over who did and didn’t get his text messages.
I don’t know if “nerd” is the right word, but Bryan certainly was no ladies’ man. Look at the restaurant he picked out—it looked like an office at the Bridgestone Arena!
The next week, the Bella Twins messed themselves over John Morrison’s ridiculous body before doubling down on Operation Bryan. The adventurous twins debated which one would get to be his “first”, implying Daniel Bryan had never been… defiled by woman.
This was news to the viewers, and even to Michael Cole. Sure, the Raw announcer figured he’d never had a woman, but only because of all the other nerdy stuff Bryan did. Had Bryan’s #1 hater known that juicy piece of gossip, do you think he’d have bothered with the weak stuff, like how he couldn’t eat most gummy candies?
I mean, if being a vegan made Bryan a nerd, just think about him being a virgin!
Hey, vegan… virgin… wouldn’t it be funny if the Bellas had simply gotten the two words confused?
If you were ten years old, yes.
Of course, this being the PG Era, they couldn’t say virgin or virginity or deflower or sex or screw or bonk or boink. Instead, the Bella Twins wagered on whose “charms” Bryan would “succumb to”. WWE’s Youtube called it a bet over “Daniel Bryan’s affection”.
“May the best Bella win”, declared Nikki, which was a very weird thing for one sister to say to another.
The following week, Brie Bella made her move, trying to kiss a reluctant Daniel Bryan in the middle of a six-person tag match.
Nikki, distracted, got rolled up for the loss.
This led to more Bella bickering backstage. Nikki and Brie hoarsely yammered over each other before barging into Daniel’s locker room…
…and gasping!
There was Daniel Bryan on the couch with Gail Kim, making babies. It turned out, he’d been dating Gail for months.
And yes, the Bella Twins really did confuse vegan with virgin, because they were apparently really, really stupid.
I thought it was bad enough when a student of mine thought you were celibate if you didn’t drink. But vegan/virgin was the kind of mix-up that would get you laughed out of middle school health class.
Gail and the Bella Twins argued over who was most irrelevant (Not a joke) before a catfight broke out.
Later, the Bella Twins apologized to the couple, only to call them both losers who deserved each other. This led to another brawl where the three women squawked at each other for over thirty seconds straight.
Aside from one infamous segment where Sheamus threatened to rip off Daniel Bryan’s head and f**k his girlfriend (or something like that)…
…the Bryan-Kim relationship went nowhere—Not surprising, given their total lack of chemistry.
What was surprising was that Brie Bella and Daniel Bryan would end up marrying in real life. And to think it all started with an imbecilic comedy angle on Raw! Now there’s a story to tell your kids.
