Well, I have to admit I was wrong. Heading into the Death of WCW debate between Eric Bischoff and Wrestlecrap’s own RD Reynolds, I took Eric’s word for it that RD would be so traumatized by the experience that every time he attempted to type, his keyboard would short-circuit from the ensuing flood of urine.
That meant that I would have to start writing an induction every week to compensate for RD’s incontinence-fueled retirement. And a gainfully-employed guy like myself can’t keep up that kind of pace without taking a few shortcuts along the way, such as revisiting some old favorites from the infancy of this site, back when the Mantaurs and Godwinns of the world yielded only a hundred or so words per write-up.
Well, the joke’s on me, as our pal RD is still in full control of his excretory system (or wearing a very discreet catheter) and able to continue writing his usual bi-weekly induction.
So what am I to do, then, with all these updated write-ups of guys inducted onto the site nearly two decades ago? Why, stick ‘em behind a paywall, that’s what!
You’ll need to become a patron of Wrestlecrap on Patreon to catch every re-induction that trickles out, but this week I’ll kick things off with a freebie. Remember this momentous day, as it’s the very first time anything on Wrestlecrap has been inducted a second time.
Well, except for the time I wrote up the Billy & Chuck wedding again, but that was an accident.
Anyway, this one’s about Aldo Montoya. Read it.
Poor Peter Polaco couldn’t catch a break. Actually, that’s not exactly true. He caught a few breaks in the WWF, but each time, his momentum was immediately halted by something really stupid.
![](https://www.wrestlecrap.com/app/uploads/wc/2018/09/aldo01-300x225.jpg)
Take his early days as a jobber in the WWF named, “PJ Walker”…
![](https://www.wrestlecrap.com/app/uploads/wc/2018/09/aldo02-300x209.png)
…or, one time, “BJ Walker”, which sounds like Chuck Norris’s gay porn name.
Like his buddy and future tag team partner, Sean “1-2-3 Kid” Waltman, Walker scored a shocking upset victory on a 1993 edition of Monday Night Raw.
![](https://www.wrestlecrap.com/app/uploads/wc/2018/09/aldo03-300x229.png)
In May, The Kid pinned Razor Ramon and became the most talked-about wrestler in the WWF overnight, competing in Raw main events and pay-per-views in short order.
![](https://www.wrestlecrap.com/app/uploads/wc/2018/09/aldo04-300x227.png)
In September, Walker pinned IRS and went straight back to the thankless job of putting other guys over in near anonymity.
![](https://www.wrestlecrap.com/app/uploads/wc/2018/09/aldo05-300x223.png)
When Walker showed up on Raw again the following month, the owner of the company called him, “Cory Student” the entire match.
![](https://www.wrestlecrap.com/app/uploads/wc/2018/09/aldo06-300x225.jpg)
The following year, Polaco trained with Brian Lee when the latter was preparing for his run as the phony Undertaker. This time around, he got a full-time job with the WWF out of it.
Given Polaco’s Portuguese heritage, Vince McMahon and Pat Patterson saw an opportunity to make a splash in the South American market, especially in Brazil, where Portuguese is the official language. Polaco would be renamed, “Aldo Montoya”, purportedly to portray a soccer star.
That would mean Polaco would dress something like this:
![](https://www.wrestlecrap.com/app/uploads/wc/2018/09/aldo07-210x300.jpg)
About a week before his debut, however, Vince tweaked his gear ever so slightly:
![](https://www.wrestlecrap.com/app/uploads/wc/2018/09/aldo08-121x300.jpg)
There was no way around it:
![](https://www.wrestlecrap.com/app/uploads/wc/2018/09/aldo09-300x276.png)
Aldo looked like he was wearing an athletic supporter over his face, with holes cut out for various orifices.
![](https://www.wrestlecrap.com/app/uploads/wc/2018/09/aldo10-300x218.png)
And it didn’t take long for folks to start pointing it out. Shawn Michaels remarked that he had had a mask like that hanging in his gym locker in high school, except it wasn’t a mask, exactly.
![](https://www.wrestlecrap.com/app/uploads/wc/2018/09/aldo11-300x226.png)
Mr. Perfect marked a rare pay-per-view appearance by Aldo by highlighting, in so many words, that Montoya’s mask probably reeked of stale testicles.
Portuguese Man’o’War is P.J. Walker, and got something of a push, wearing a Power Rangers type of ring outfit. [11/94]
— Meltzer in the 90s (@ObserverQuotes) August 5, 2018
Dave Meltzer generously compared Montoya’s gear to that of a popular children’s action character. The Yellowed Ranger, I suppose.
![](https://www.wrestlecrap.com/app/uploads/wc/2018/09/aldo12-300x224.png)
And the mask just had to be yellow, not red or green, two other colors in the Portuguese flag that aren’t the color of old cotton and piss.
![](https://www.wrestlecrap.com/app/uploads/wc/2018/09/aldo13-300x226.png)
Aldo Montoya wasn’t just “Aldo Montoya”, either. From day one, he was given the impressive-sounding – or at least, very long – moniker of The Portuguese Man-o-War, Aldo Montoya.
![](https://www.wrestlecrap.com/app/uploads/wc/2018/09/aldo97-300x169.jpg)
What exactly is a man o’war? It’s both a warship and a floating, jellyfish-like colony of marine organisms called polyps. The latter type of man o’war lacks both a means of propulsion and a brain, meaning it is both directionless and incredibly dumb. Sounds like a good fit for Aldo to me!
Aldo’s entrance theme was a reworked version of Luna Vachon’s, but sadly not the theme she used in WWF RAW for Genesis and SNES, which seems to have been invented out of thin air.
![](https://www.wrestlecrap.com/app/uploads/wc/2018/09/aldo14-300x228.png)
The WWF pushed Montoya to the moon for about ten minutes, with guest commentator Ted DiBiase being highly impressed with the Man-o-War’s debut outing against the Brooklyn Brawler.
![](https://www.wrestlecrap.com/app/uploads/wc/2018/09/aldo15-300x229.png)
The Million Dollar Man tried to recruit Montoya for his Million Dollar Corporation, but Aldo’s initial response went over the fans’ heads, like he was speaking a foreign language or something. “I guess that was Portuguese,” said Vince. Right first time!
![](https://www.wrestlecrap.com/app/uploads/wc/2018/09/aldo16-300x222.png)
After some more prodding by Money Bags, the Luso native made his rejection clear in nearly perfect English, confusing only the word, “ear” with “ass”.
![](https://www.wrestlecrap.com/app/uploads/wc/2018/09/aldo98.gif)
It would be the last time Aldo would be allowed to even pick up a mic.
![](https://www.wrestlecrap.com/app/uploads/wc/2018/09/aldo99.gif)
No, I’m not kidding.
Maybe it was the fact that plans for a South American tour fell through (WWE wouldn’t hold a live event in Brazil until 2012)…
![](https://www.wrestlecrap.com/app/uploads/wc/2018/09/aldo17-300x300.jpg)
…or maybe it was the fact that no fan could ever take a guy with a banana hammock on his head seriously, but it was all downhill from there for Aldo.
![](https://www.wrestlecrap.com/app/uploads/wc/2018/09/aldo18-300x227.png)
After rejecting DiBiase’s money, Aldo was quickly shuffled down the card, suffering such indignities as being forced to suck a man’s filthy toes, courtesy of Jerry Lawler…
![](https://www.wrestlecrap.com/app/uploads/wc/2018/09/aldo19-300x228.png)
…and having whiskey poured down his throat, also courtesy of Jerry Lawler.
![](https://www.wrestlecrap.com/app/uploads/wc/2018/09/aldo20-300x228.png)
Aldo did score a victory over King of the Ring Stone Cold Steve Austin, but only because Austin was so insulted by being booked against him that he forfeited the match, then gave him a stunner.
I guess Aldo should have just taken DiBiase’s money after all.
![](https://www.wrestlecrap.com/app/uploads/wc/2018/09/aldo21-200x300.jpg)
Incredibly, Aldo stuck around in the WWF until 1997 before joining ECW as Justin Credible and later inspiring a series of erotic novels.
All in all, the miserable saga of Aldo Montoya shows just how much the business has changed since 1994.
![](https://www.wrestlecrap.com/app/uploads/wc/2018/09/aldo22-300x169.png)
When Vince wanted to pop business in India, he gave Jinder Mahal the belt.
![](https://www.wrestlecrap.com/app/uploads/wc/2018/09/aldo23-267x300.jpg)
When Vince wanted to pop business in South America, he gave Peter Polaco a jockstrap.