Since day one here, we’ve maintained the wrestlers who are forced to portray ridiculous gimmicks or be thrust into awful storylines aren’t at fault for their predicament. Rather, they are the victims in this business. They are men and women who are trying to put food on the table by doing the best they can with whatever absurd situation in which they are placed by those in charge behind the scenes.
To wit: poor Adam Rose.
It appeared, when he first came to the main roster, he had an absolute cannot lose gimmick. He was the life of the party, surrounded by friends, lackeys, and hot chicks. A super catchy song blared as he came down the aisle with his hot chicks.
Did I mention the hot chicks?
Remember when Mandy Leon showed up in his entourage?
You will now.
But while Rose appeared to have a gimmick where he’d be set for life (seriously, could you imagine a WrestleMania entrance with 80,000 strong singing and dancing along?????), it simply wasn’t meant to be.
Poor Adam had it all, and poor Adam lost it all.
And he lost it all to a guy in a stupid bunny costume.
In April of 2014, WWE fans were treated to a look at something called “The Exotic Express”. I’m not quite sure if it was a bus, an abandoned warehouse, or just some shots of a room backstage at a random Raw. Pretty sure it was the latter. Also, pretty sure we were supposed to think it was a bus.
And hey, WWE and buses…have they ever done us wrong?
I guess they have.
Anyway, Rose introduces us to lots of his pals, such as his current ex-girlfriend (ha!), his soon to be ex-girlfriend (ha ha!), and a midget (wait, what?). “I learned a long time ago,” Rose philosohpizes, “if you want a big party, you have to have little people!”
Really – this was said just four years ago on Raw.
Also, I am pretty sure that the “little person” he had at his party may have just been some random kid he grabbed off the street. Either way, it’s kinda creepy and disturbing and not the kind of party I want to go to personally.
Then he heads to the back of this shindig. And there…there…he finds a bunny. He explains that he LOVES bunnies, and hops around like a goofball to illustrate said point.
And that, friends, is where our story begins.
Our long, seemingly never ending, eternally painful story.
Now as anyone who has been a visitor of this site for, say, two weeks could tell you, I am a HUGE fan of hyping a guy’s arrival. Show us what he’s about, show us what he wants to do, show us why we should care. And they did a pretty good job of that with Rose. Well, save for the fact they planted the seeds for something completely idiotic from DAY ONE.
Honestly, once he headed to ringside for his first match, he was utterly and completely doomed anyway.
Doomed by this idiot:
Let’s face it – Michael Cole proclaiming something is “awesome” and then dancing and scatting the theme song is death to anything. You could bring out in her prime Trish Stratus, and if you saw Cole doing that, you’d never want to see her again.
I mean, I never agree with anything JBL says ever, but the look on his face in that GIF is identical to mine right now.
In fact, let’s freeze frame it for posterity. Maybe we’ll use it going forward for anytime we reference something idiotic Cole says here. I could see it on here a lot, couldn’t you?
What, you don’t want to share the spotlight?
I guess I should note that while I was a fan of the Rose vignettes, parts of them were actually kinda dumb. For instance, they always showed folks on/in/whatever the Exotic Express “partying” by playing Hungy Hungry Hippos. If I was ever at a party where that was the go to, I’d have bolted. And I am like the lamest guy ever. There was exactly one time when Hungry Hungry Hippos was cool – when we mocked Ken Patera 10 years ago.
Actually, that may have been stupid too. I grade myself on a curve.
So Rose piddled around in the midcard for the next few months, seemingly driving his party bus directly to Nowheresville, USA. Eventually, the crack writing team came up with a brilliant idea to turn his fortunes around.
Remember The Bunny?
You know, the one we mentioned like 200 words ago?
Well, they decided to have him TEAM with The Bunny.
Again, we should have known from day one this wasn’t going to end well – as the pair danced their way to the ring for the very first time together, we were immediately greeted by a HELL IN THE CELL logo.
Seriously. I can’t make this stuff up.
I will say this – while I found Rose to be more than acceptable in the ring, the Bunny was pretty freaking good. He would do all kinds of high flying crap that you wouldn’t think a dude stuck in a giant outfit like that could pull off, and he did it in a very entertaining manner.
Here he is kicking Heath Slater in the face as he vaults off the top rope. The pair had their first feud against Slater and Titus O’Neil, collectively known as Gator Slater. Really, that’s what they were called. I legit had zero recollection was ever a thing that happened.
I cannot possibly be the only one.
The Bunny kept up his high flying antics, and did a good job of impressing the crowds. So much so that on Halloween night, as the pair were trick or treating (backstage at Smackdown – probably best not to ask), they ran into R-Truth who asked Rose what it was like to be continually overshadowed by a guy in a rabbit outfit. As you’d suspect, Rose wasn’t too thrilled with that question…and things started going awry in a major way.
The following week on Smackdown, Rose showed up to take on Truth. Truth did his usual “What’s Up!” schtick with the crowd, and the crowd responded in kind. Yay Truth.
Deciding he may be alright being upstaged by The Bunny, but he sure as heck wasn’t going to be by R-TRUTH (!!), Rose attempted to the “What’s Up!” himself.
But that was just the start.
Soon enough, Truth was doing his shucking and jiving, which inspired someone else to do the same.
Sadly, no, not her.
I meant of course The Bunny…
…who went so far as to start twerking.
Think about that for a second: we had the choice of a giant rabbit or a chick like Mandy Leon dancing, and THAT’s the one WWE gave us.
Apparently Rose was as annoyed as I was, as he absolutely waylaid the stupid rabbit right into next week as the Rosebuds looked on in abject horror.
Seriously, look at those girls. That’s better acting than we see on these shows 99% of the time. They look to be traumatized.
But then Rose quickly calmed down, collected himself, and offered The Bunny the chance to come back and join the party.
And sure enough, the next time we saw Rose, the Bunny was in tow, the party was continuing as if nothing ever happened.
Why it was just like when Paul Orndorff turned on Hulk Hogan, and they just came out hugging the next week.
You remember that, right?
So this continues on and on, same stupid story every stupid week. Bunny does something dumb or overshadows Rose…
…and Rose kicks The Bunny right in the lemons.
Ok, back to that reference to Orndorff-Hogan above…remember when a guy used to turn on someone, and that would be it? They’d just feud? Is there a reason WWE had to change that? Isn’t that a primary aspect of storytelling, not just in wrestling, but in ANY medium?
I mean, this stupid angle was bad enough, but now I’m forced to endure WWE doing this all the freaking time. This year alone, we’ve had months and months and MONTHS of Sasha and Bayley turning on each other then tagging up then hugging then turning on each other again.
We deserve better, don’t we?
Back to this stupid storyline, Rose and Bunny were back together so they could team at the Survivor Series.
Let me repeat that – Rose and Bunny teamed at one of the BIG FOUR events. Not in a pre-show match – on the MAIN CARD!
Care to guess what happened?
Well, Bunny got the pin…
…while Rose looked on sadly, never even getting tagged in.
Seriously, how can you not feel sorry for the guy?
And Rose didn’t beat up the Bunny on this night! Instead, he just walked sadly backstage, with the pair transitioning into a feud with Kane.
Which, of course, did not end well at all. Here the two get double choke slammed…
…and then The Bunny took the lewdest tombstone pile driver you ever did see.
I mean, for sure he cut one right in Glen’s face while in that position, right?
The Bunny would continue to come to ringside, but now he was injured and was forced to wear a horse collar around his neck. Ah, the old Bobby Heenan gimmick.
Except, you know, not funny at all, because some doofus in a rabbit suit sure as heck ain’t no Bobby Heenan.
Finally…FINALLY…Rose has enough of the stupid rabbit, and beat him to pieces.
And this time, he didn’t hug him or invite him to a party. Just left him for dead.
He also beat up the Hot Dog Guy for good measure.
Can’t say as I blame him. Dude had mustard on him instead of ketchup! Have some taste, geek!
Finally…FINALLY…the party was officially over once and for all.
We’d see Rose months later on Main Event as a nerd who hated parties and fun. Eh, if you hate fun, Main Event would be the logical place to be.
But just in case you thought this was turning into an Adam Rose solo induction…
…the BUNNY SHOWS BACK UP AGAIN.
This time, however, the Bunny was completely black. And he looks sad. I was going to be sad too, as I thought this never ending saga was going to…ummm…never end.
Sorry, kids, my brain is just shot at this point. The thought of continuing to write about this has turned from funny into an inane and bizarre type of torture.
Which makes me glad to report that Evil Black Bunny showed up one week, then never again. Let’s not question why, let’s all instead be thankful.