WWF Raw – March 22nd, 1999 – Pepsi Arena – Albany, NY
The WrestleMania go-home episode of WWF Raw begins with the sound of a truck backing up. Stone Cold talks with the driver of the Coors Light truck, who would like an autograph. Austin offers him a seat at WWF Raw instead. I’m sure nothing will come of this random exchange.
WWF Raw is live from Albany. Michael Cole says it will be the biggest WWF Raw in history because Steve Austin will face The Big Show. In the crowd, fans hold up a banner with the official WrestleMania XV logo.
At least, the old official logo, which ended up on the toy boxes:
The McMahons and The Rock walk through the entrance way, which is flat on the floor with no ramp.
The last time I can remember that set-up was the September 28th episode of WWF Raw, though I can’t recall exactly what happened.
A fan throws a tennis ball at Shane, but he spots it a mile away and almost catches it. After an intro from his Pops, the younger McMahon challenges X-Pac to a Greenwich Street Fight (in Albany, notes Jerry Lawler).
Vince McMahon now addresses The Undertaker, whom he accuses of being in cahoots with Steve Austin to divide his attention. Taker, says Vince, will have his hands full with “the Bossman and others”.
The Rock now grabs the mic and vows at WrestleMania to end the career of “the biggest piece of Texas trailer park trash walking Stone Cold Steve Austin!” I thought he was going to say, “God’s green earth”, so add a comma after “walking”.
Just then, Stone Cold shows up on the Titantron, watching a monitor silently and drinking a cup of coffee, temporarily distracting Rock and the McMahons. Eventually, Austin leaves his post and wanders off somewhere. The cameras love catching Stone Cold doing nothing tonight!
McMahon appoints The Rock as the guest referee for tonight’s Big Show-Austin match. He is then interrupted by Mankind, who has his own convoluted plan. Foley proposes a match with the Rock to determine the special referee for that match, essentially doing WrestleMania six nights early but with Rock and Big Show’s roles reversed. Along the way, Foley calls himself “The Testicular One” and says he gave up kissing The Rock’s ass for Lent.
Mankind says he knew the bosses would reject his idea, so he personally went to San Antonio (they’re in upstate New York, remember) and got Commissioner Shawn Michaels to sign a contract. Not to make Mankind the special referee tonight, mind you, but to put him a non-title match with the champion for the chance to officiate a different match. The Rock is barely fazed and perhaps bemused that Foley flew down to Texas for this (because Michaels doesn’t know how to use a fax machine).
Stone Cold’s music then hits, and the Rattlesnake drives that beer truck to the ring.
Austin steps atop the cab, tells The Rock to get serious for once, and threatens to commit arson at the Smackdown Hotel. Rocky, obviously not heeding Stone Cold’s threats, persists in calling him a jabroni until Austin soaks him and the McMahons with beer from the truck’s beer hose (a standard feature). He also nearly knocks himself out trying to drink from it.
In a very important backstage shot, Debra is seen in her bra putting her jacket on.
WWF Raw returns with the tag team champions, with Debra, who are here to defend their titles. Their music cuts out for a few seconds.
Jim Ross is at a “JR is War” party at the TKE frat house at SUNY-Albany. According to the King, TKB [sic] stands for Tap a Keg of Beer. Michael Cole tries to correct him (on both counts) but can’t get a word in edgewise.
The Brood arrive to challenge Jeff Jarrett & Owen Hart for the tag team titles. Cole wonders whether the Brood will be involved in the battle royal on Heat to determine the challengers at WrestleMania. Sounds like they’re not winning the titles tonight, eh, Cole?
Owen Hart starts out the match with Gangrel, who hits a Nice Belly-to-Belly Maneuver. He then tags in Edge, who hits a Great Maneuver (powerslam) on Hart. Jarrett tags in and has Edge under control until Gangrel distracts the ref, allowing Christian to interfere. Christian even covers Jarrett and scores a two count, despite not being in the match. Referee Tim White looks right at Christian and lets him continue the match like nothing’s wrong. I know Edge and Christian were supposed to be brothers and therefore look alike, but they’re not even dressed alike!
Edge wanders back into the match and gets locked in the Sharpshooter by Owen until Public Enemy interferes. Everybody then decides to beat up Public Enemy.
The lights then turn red, and the Brood’s music hits, cuing the three vampires to get to work. The lights then go out completely, and when they come back on, Debra is covered in the red bloodbath liquid. “How heinous!” says Cole.
Backstage, charisma vacuum Lucas Swineford starts interviewing the New Age Outlaws, but Billy Gunn tells him to shut up about five words in. Last week, each man won the title the other guy wanted, so tonight they put both on the line against each other. Can’t they just trade?
The Crispy M&M’s Slam of the Week is Road Dogg’s victory over Val Venis for the IC title.
In the dressing room, Shane McMahon prepares to face X-Pac and complains that he still smells like beer. Vince sends the stooges to fetch some coffee, either to drink or bathe themselves in.
Road Dogg comes to the ring and says that he might not like being booked against his own partner, but he’s still gonna get jiggy, doggy-style. Billy Gunn then comes out with the same music, with the fans delivering Road Dogg’s normal lines.
Billy and Dogg open up the match New Generation style with arm drags, hip tosses, and leapfrogs. Is this even being contested under Hardcore rules? Gunn eventually throws three punches but feels guilty and refuses to throw a fourth. This allows Road Dogg to fight back with four of his own and a knee drop.
Dogg lets Gunn get to his feet, and the two exchange low-impact moves until the crowd starts to boo. Billy hits his head on the top of the ring post to win the crowd back, then recovers to hit the Fame-Asser (now pronounced, “famouser” after Cole tried so hard to get the Fame-Asser name over last week). Goldust, Val Venis, and Al Snow all interfere at once, triggering a disqualification. The champions fight off their former and future challengers and leave with the same belts they came in with.
Backstage, the stooges get coffee until some unseen person or persons show up. Patterson and Brisco back away and beg for mercy, with Gerald sounding like Mrs. Garrett.
WWF Raw returns to chaos backstage. Referee Jimmy Corderas is on the floor with a pool of blood. Patterson and Brisco are laid out, too. Dave Hebner and Sgt. Slaughter are on the scene. Cole calls the attack heinous (his word of the night).
Replays show that the Legion of Doom (along with former manager Paul Ellering) were the ones who did the deed, angry over the stooges’ impersonation last week.
The Blue Meanie, clad in an airbrushed t-shirt depicting Goldust as his mom, marches to the ring with a chair and calls out Shamrock. Ken’s music hits, but it’s Ryan Shamrock who answers.
The Meanie, jealous of Ryan’s thing with Goldust, sits on the chair and bends Ryan over his knee to spank her. Before he can, though, brother Ken comes out. Goldust follows and brawls with Ken but ends up in the ankle lock. Blue Meanie hits Ken with the chair, and the Odd Throuple exit, arm in arm (in arm).
Over at TKE House, JR wants to know where the girls are.
In the makeup chair, Sable prepares for her match with Ivory. Goldust’s wig hangs on a shelf.
Back on WWF Raw, The Ministry enters the arena. Vince McMahon, unaware of his stooges getting jumped by the LOD, scolds them for not getting him his coffee.
Sable debuts her new catchphrase, “This is for all the women who want to be me and for the men who come to see me”, then gyrates in the ring. Her opponent in this non-title match is Ivory, who is accompanied by D’Lo Brown. Michael Cole, in a Freudian slip, tells fans to tune in to the Home Shopping Network for a post-WrestleMania “rack-up”. He quickly corrects himself: “wrap-up”.
PMS soon turn up at ringside to get in D’Lo’s face. Brown tells Terri to get her “two dollar slutty ass out of here”. Meanwhile, Sable attempts a Sablebomb, but Ivory counters with a Great Maneuver (a jackknife pin) for a two-count. Ivory then does a sunset flip that doesn’t quite make it past the horizon. Jacqueline trips Ivory, who gets Sablebombed after two false starts.
Sable wins, but her victory celebration is cut short by Tori, who immediately gets clobbered. Sable ties up Tori in the ropes and grinds to taunt her, but her WrestleMania challenger kicks her way out and punches her on the mat. Sable escapes with the help of a referee and grinds some more.
Up next on WWF Raw, Mankind faces the WWF Champion The Rock, and the stakes couldn’t be any lower!
WWF Raw is brought to you by 10-10-345: “Yet Another 10-10 Number”!
Mankind faces The Rock, who is still in his warm-up gear after three months. We’ll have to wait until WrestleMania to see his new ta-tas. The two men brawl on the outside; The Rock attempts to hit Mankind with a chair, but the always astute Tim White confiscates it. The action spills into the ring, where both men trade low blows in plain view of the ref. Who did Tim White beat to get this gig?
Outside the ring again, The Rock grabs a headset for commentary about Mankind’s roody poo candy ass, but The Testicular One clotheslines him. In the ring, the ref takes an errant clothesline from Mankind, so he can’t count when Foley hits Rock with the double-arm DDT. The Big Show trots down and chokeslams Mankind, but Tim White sees it and DQs The Rock. This means Mankind advances in the bracket, and Paul Wight once again look stupid.
Backstage when WWF Raw returns, Big Show tears up the interview set.
Kane is here, for real this week, followed by two crew members doing their best to avoid notice. The “Big Red Ret**ded Lovesick Puppy” (a nickname that never caught on) faces Goldust.
The Bizarre One wears his big feathered robe and, apparently, a giant prosthetic nose.
Under his robe, he has a cannon, which he blasts Kane with.
It’s in fact Triple H dressed up like Goldust (the opposite of a stunt he pulled last year). Hunter attacks Kane and tells him to suck it before referees pull him away. With all this masquerading, is WWF setting up a Kane-Undertaker vs. Triple H-Goldust match at WrestleMania? No, but it couldn’t have been any worse than the Mania XV matches those four actually had.
Over at JR is War, one scholar predicts the Big Show will beat Austin tonight. Bob Holly then crashes the party, blaming Ross for costing him the Hardcore Title last week. In a brawl plagued by satellite problems (or multiple takes spliced together with static), Dr. Death and Bob Holly fight all throughout the frat house. The first victim is the fish tank, which shatters and spills its contents all over the floor. Williams and Holly throw everything at each other, from term papers to a stove.
In the hallway backstage at WWF Raw, Stone Cold tells Mankind to stay out of his way during tonight’s main event.
In the Greenwich Street Fight, X-Pac flattens Shane with a high kick before getting assaulted by four thugs in sweater vests. The Greenwich Posse make their getaway in a convertible.
When WWF Raw returns, Michael Cole says the biggest WWF Raw in history has been even bigger than he could have predicted, and as proof, he offers a replay of the Greenwich Street Fight. It lasted about 30 seconds and ended with X-Pac looking rather perturbed.
Bossman, Test, and Ken Shamrock come to the ring without Vince McMahon, despite Tony Chimel claiming he’s there. They face the Ministry of Darkness, who kindly field exactly three members (Undertaker, Faarooq, and Bradshaw) to make it a fair fight. Undertaker, who faces Bossman in Hell in a Cell this Sunday, gets a taste of the brutality when he is hit simultaneously with Bossman’s nightstick and a fan’s beach ball. Taker then hits Bossman with a flying clothesline (“What a Maneuver!” says Cole).
The six-heel brawl draws little reaction until it spills into the crowd, but the lights go out shortly thereafter. The match ends in a no-contest due to technical difficulties.
After the break, the lights are back on, and Vince McMahon comes out looking ridiculous in a suit jacket with no shirt. Vince angrily shows a replay of tonight’s beer bath to show the fans how immature they are. It seems to have the opposite effect, as fans yet again lap it up. He then introduces the guest commentator, The Rock. Was this second prize for losing to Mankind, or did Rocky win a separate commentators tournament?
The Big Show is out next, followed by referee Mankind, followed by Steve Austin. It’s The Big Show’s first singles match (excluding the non-match with The Rock a few weeks back) and second overall match after last week’s inconclusive tag bout. Show lays the smack down on Austin, says Cole, drawing the ire of The Rock.
Big Show chokes out Austin in the corner with his boot until Austin hits him in the groin. Special referee Mankind lets it slide. I guess the referee match was important after all— if Rock had been officiating, the match would already be over via DQ. Mankind shirks his duty again by hitting Show with a double axe handle. While Show confronts Mankind (and, to an ovation from the crowd, gets hit by some trash), Austin takes off the turnbuckle but soon gets knocked into it.
Mankind gives Big Show a fair count, but Austin kicks out. Show counters a Stunner by lifting and dropping Stone Cold, then kicks Steve around on the outside. Wight drops Austin onto the floor, then tries to ram him into the ring post. Austin slips away and pushes Big Show into the post, but Wight is unfazed. Mankind brandishes a chair to chorale both men back into the ring.
Big Show misses a big elbow, giving Austin a brief opening before getting twice caught in a bear hug. Mankind drops Austin’s hand twice, but he Steve comes back to life and escapes. Austin bashes Big Show twice in the legs and thrice in the head, then hits the stunner for the victory. Show immediately pops up and attacks Mankind so as to protect his aura. He is now 0-1-2 in the WWF.
Rock hits Austin with the Rock Bottom as WWF Raw goes off the air.
Final tally:
4 Maneuvers