WWF Raw – January 18th, 1999 – Montagne Center – Beaumont, TX
It’s Martin Luther King Day, so WWF Raw opens with the same Vince McMahon “Long live the dream” voiceover they’ve been using for the past few years. This year, though, Vince is a heel.
The main show begins with Steve Austin entering the ring in long sleeves and jeans. I smell a swerve; is he actually the Undertaker in disguise? Apparently not, as this guy grabs the mic from Michael Cole and talks in a very convincing Stone Cold voice.
Austin gives Mick Foley his props for winning the title but warns him that he’ll beat him at WrestleMania. To do that, though, Steve will first have to win the Royal Rumble despite entering number one and having a hundred thousand dollar bounty on his head. That’s one expensive paper towel! Not only that, but according to Jerry, it’s the most star-studded Royal Rumble match ever. But win it, Austin will, and he’ll whip Mr. McMahon’s ass to do it. Austin poses while Cole assures fans that Stone Cold will still be here later tonight on WWF Raw.
Backstage, Road Dogg loads up a cart with junk for his Hardcore title defense against Gangrel.
Four middle school-age boys model the new Rock t-shirt, available exclusively at Wal-Mart, while chopping their crotches.
On the mic, Road Dogg remembers which champion he is (Hardcore) but realizes too late that he’s out there alone with no Billy Gunn. He might not be named Buffy, but he’s going to slay a vampire. Dogg ambushes the “extremely unique individual” before he can finish his red liquid (which Gangrel then spits in Road Dogg’s face). Michael Cole mentions that tonight The Rock will face Kane, and that Commissioner Shawn Michaels phoned it in last night (not for the first or the last time).
Road Dogg, who King says is hardcore because of his pierced “eyelid” (eyebrow), sets up a table in the ring. Gangrel takes advantage, though, and powerbombs Dogg through it. The champ kicks out and DDTs Gangrel (a Beautiful Maneuver) onto the remnants of the table. Roadie sets up another table outside the ring, but Gangrel assaults him with a piece of the other table before he gets to use it. King names Gangrel his favorite to win the Rumble (besides Vince McMahon).
Outside the ring, Road Dogg jabs the gothic lifestyle practitioner with a chair, sets him up on the table, and drops an elbow from the apron. The table does not budge. Road Dogg immediately follows this up with a leg drop from the apron, which causes the table to buckle but not break. Finally, Dogg hits a second-rope elbow to break it to his satisfaction.
The champion hits Gangrel in the head with a chair once, then again jumping off the ring apron, and scores the 1-2-3. Road Dogg knocked out Gangrel like Mike Tyson knocked out Francois Botha, says Lawler.
Backstage, Stone Cold sips a beer while leaning against the garage door.
WWF Raw cameras catch Ken Shamrock lacing up his shoes in his dressing room. The announcers note that Ken isn’t scheduled to compete tonight. And yet he’s wearing shoes? Suspicious.
Out comes Mr. Ass, whose persona Jerry Lawler sums up succinctly: “You know, nobody knows more about ass than this man. He’s an ass man!” Last week, Mr. Ass did what Cole calls, “the unthinkable”, mooning Ken Shamrock’s sister, and I can honestly say that before last week, such a thought would not have occurred to the average WWF Raw viewer.
Gunn’s opponent is Test, who wears a shirt reading, “Guns don’t kill people. I kill people!” Gun is spelled with one n, however. The two blonds engage in a lengthy collar-and-elbow tie up, break it up long enough for Billy to tell Test to suck it, then go right back to the lock-up. Test hits a cheap shot on Billy Gunn, prompting the fans to agree with Gunn’s suggestion.
Jerry Lawler picks Test as his new favorite to win the Royal Rumble, surpassing his previous picks of Vince McMahon and Gangrel. At this point, Michael Cole reiterates that it’s the most star-studded Rumble in history. While the announcers list off the many mid-carders filling out the Rumble, the two opponents brawl outside the ring, eventually finding their way back in the ring. Test and Gunn counter each other’s moves, culminating in Mr. Ass Rocker-dropping Test. Before Ass can cover, though, Ken Shamrock runs in and attacks him, drawing a DQ.
Shamrock jumps off the apron with Gunn, smashing his face into the announce table. The swarm of referees fails to stop Shamrock from applying the ankle lock on Gunn, but they do manage to talk him out of using the timekeeper’s hammer.
On January 31st, the WWF will hold Halftime Heat. For legal reasons, of course, they can’t say, “Super Bowl” in the commercial.
Backstage, Dr. Francois Petit attempts to snap Billy Gunn’s ankles back in place.
Shamrock, however, goes right from beating up his Intercontinental challenger to beating up his tag team title challengers. He and Bossman attack Jeff Jarrett and Owen Hart.
In more training footage, Vince McMahon spars with Tom Prichard, whom he pretends is Steve Austin. Hey, that’s no more unrealistic than pretending he’s Chris Candido’s twin! The boss also practices throwing out some of Tom’s masked trainees. McMahon tells Austin (presumably the real Austin, not Tom Prichard) that there is no chance in hell that Stone Cold will win the Royal Rumble.
WWF Raw cameras catch Bossman beating up Mankind backstage, an altercation that has allegedly lasted the entire commercial break. Mankind throws Bossman into the camera, which cuts off.
Dan Severn comes to the ring for his first match in months. Last week on Sunday Night Heat, Severn turned on Steve Blackman and took off his neck brace. Cole wonders whether the neck injury was a ruse the whole time. In fact, it was supposed to be a kayfabe injury but turned real when Owen Hart botched yet another inverted piledriver. So now Dan doesn’t even get credit for his real neck injury.
Blackman comes out swinging against Severn, with the two exchanging belly-to-bellies. Dan takes down Steve with a double-leg and smashes the back of Blackman’s head against the canvas. Both men return to their feet, and after an edit, Blackman bodyslams Severn. Jerry Lawler tentatively picks Blackman to win the Rumble match before Severn ends this match with a low-blow. Referees then have to coax Dan into releasing his dragon sleeper.
In other news, Steve Austin is still drinking, and Mankind is still fighting Bossman.
After a video package for the I Quit match, Mankind and Bossman stumble through the entranceway. It’s the top of the hour, so we are officially in the WarZone. But this match is not officially under way until the two men step into the ring. At that point, the bell rings, the match is official, and both men are free to roam the arena again. It’s a hardcore match.
Mankind controls the early part of the match until Bossman drops him head-first onto an upright steel chair, caving it in. “That’s gotta be a concussion”, sneers Lawler. “I mean, here’s a man who has obviously suffered multiple concussions”. Speaking of concussions, back in the ring Mankind’s and Bossman’s heads collide coming out of the corner like Steve Austin at last year’s SummerSlam.
Mankind slaps on Mr. Socko and claws Bossman’s mandible, but The Rock soon comes down with a chair and nails Foley in the back of the head. The referee immediately calls for the bell, ending this hardcore match via disqualification.
The Rock isn’t finished with Foley, delivering the Rock Bottom onto a chair. Jerry Lawler guesses that’s Mankind’s ninth concussion tonight, while Michael Cole calls Foley “the most durable superstar in the history of the World Wrestling Federation”, ten months before he’d announce his retirement at age 34.
As WWF Raw goes to break, Mark Henry pleads with Chyna not to embarrass him in front of his mother. A clock backstage reads 9:40. It’s about 9:10 in Texas.
The Nestlé Crunch Slam of the Week is Chyna’s victory last week in the Corporate Rumble, offering two new angles of Vince snapping his neck against the bottom rope.
In Vince’s office, the boss tries to talk Kane into throwing his match tonight with The Rock. The Corporate Champ, however, does himself no favors by calling Kane the r-word. When Kane looks to get retaliate, Vince threatens him.
Replays air from last week’s WWF Raw, when Chyna and Sammy (italics in the original commentary, somehow) escorted Mark Henry backstage. In the ring, Chyna tells him his 24 hours are up, having given an ultimatum the previous night on Heat: Mark Henry has to “come clean” or else she’ll reveal some embarrassing secret. Crying, Henry admits that he and Chyna never did “the wild thing”, or even “the mild thing”.
But Chyna tells the production truck to play the tape anyway. In the dressing at last week’s WWF Raw, the husky-voiced Sammy started unbuttoning Mark and doing something or other below his waist. Henry then started feeling up Chyna’s friend until he discovers the penis. Sammy takes off the wig, revealing a short haircut. Well that proves it! “That’s why they call me Sammy, baby!” says Sammy before Mark Henry, who had never seen The Crying Game, starts throwing up in the stall.
“She’s a man, baby!” says Chyna, doing her best Austin Powers impression (which is not very good). She apologizes to Mark’s mom, who is in attendance, then as a final low blow, gives Mark a low blow. Mark Henry’s real-life mom, disappointed, gives her son a token spanking and grabs him by the ear. The important thing is, no one will ever sexually harass Chyna again. Later tonight, she faces Patterson and Brisco.
Mark’s mom continues to slap his wrist as they walk out of the arena together. Meanwhile, Patterson and Brisco discuss strategy for their handicap match against Chyna.
Al Snow faces Goldust in a match over Snow’s mannequin head, which the Bizarre One has given matching face paint. “The winner of this match gets Head”, says Cole. Do you think that was intentional? As for tonight’s main event, Lawler “didn’t like the look on Kane’s mask” when Vince was haranguing him.
Snow and Dust duke it out until Snow takes a powder, leaving the ring then demanding Head from Teddy Long. Do you think that was intentional? Back in the ring, Snow takes down Goldust with a rolling huracanrana, a Nice Maneuver. Jerry Lawler then confiscates the mannequin head, saying that for the rest of the match, he’ll get Head. Do you think that was intentional? Anyway, Snow pins Goldust with a Magistral cradle to win the match and the head.
Post-match, Al swings Head at Goldust and misses. In response, Goldust shatters his dreams, kicking him in the groin better than Morten Andersen [sic], who missed a key field goal for the Minnesota Vikings. Goldust then steals Head back, whacks Snow with him, and leaves with it.
The stooges, hanging out in a room full of plaques, continue to argue about who gets to pin Chyna.
Mideon, the former Dennis Knight, runs out in a luxurious silk robe and excitedly tells the announcers about something that will happen in either six or seven days. Luckily, this was in 1999, before kids decides the numbers 6-7 were funny. (Instead, they just told other kids to suck it. )
Listen to the children
#AttitudeEra #SuckIt— Art O’Donnell (@art0donnell.bsky.social) January 24, 2026 at 4:50 PM
Mideon also slips in a reference to Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.
Sitting on his throne, Undertaker delivers a monologue about his Ministry of Darkness. Mideon, for example, “was giving [sic] everlasting life”. Is that better than Head? At Royal Rumble, says Undertaker, there will be another sacrifice, “and your simple minds won’t allow you to believe who the next victim will be”. Rumor is it’s going to be Mabel. Yeah right!
WWF Raw airs another replay of Chyna’s elimination of Vince McMahon, so I’ll do so myself. She also arm-wrestled McMahon, winning due to the bumbling of Patterson and Brisco. Each stooge challenged Chyna, so she took them both (she’s hardcore).
The story of the match is that the stooges can’t cooperate. Well, that’s one story. The other is Patterson and Brisco groping Chyna. Patterson airplane-spins Chyna (“What’s that Maneuver called, King?” asks Cole) before he and Brisco stumble over each other. Patterson then tries to get the upper hand by delivering a low blow to Chyna, which of course has little effect because women do not have groins. Chyna then grabs both men’s testes.
As the stooges bicker, Chyna takes a breather and sits on the top rope, so Patterson pushes her to the arena floor. DX is barred from interfering, so it’s Sable’s turn to make the save. Instead, she is immediately attacked with a strap by a hooded Luna Vachon. They’ll wrestle in a strap match at Royal Rumble.
With Chyna incapacitated, Brisco hits the Stooge’s Elbow, but Patterson prevents the pin, which he wants to make himself. Brisco cuts off a Chyna comeback with powder to her eyes, allowing the stooges to pat her on the rear. That’s why they call him Butt Patterson! They then take turns juggling her jigs (or something like that), which gets blurred out.
Chyna fires back with a double clothesline and a pair of DDTs before stacking and pinning the two associates.
Backstage in the plaque room, Vince tells Rock not to worry about Kane tonight, even if he’s “a little ret**ded”. It will be “an easy smackdown”. The Rock is so confident Kane will play ball that he won’t even take off his $500 shirt. It’s a testament to WWF’s Creative that they always had fresh excuses for The Rock not to show his lipo scars.
It’s main event time, and Vince McMahon demands that Kane lay down for The Rock, Fingerpoke of Doom-style. Instead, Kane gives McMahon a bras d’honneur, so the rest of the Corporation puts the boots to the big man.
Rocky calls for the bell to begin the match, confident that the Corporate team will have his back. So assured of victory is The Rock that he takes time to get on commentary and call Kane the r-word a few more times. Kane sneaks up and chokes him, so Rock kicks him in the groin.
In the ring, Kane tries to tombstone Rocky, who slips away and kicks him in the groin again. A Corporate Elbow fails to put away Kane, though, who sits up and chokeslams the Corporate Champ. The Big Red Machine tries fighting off the rest of the Corporation until Mankind makes the save, hitting Test and Bossman square in the head. Rock retreats, but Stone Cold cuts him off, allowing Mankind to hit him in the back with a chair. Austin flips off McMahon to close WWF Raw.
Final tally:
Maneuvers: 3
Lawler’s Royal Rumble favorites: 4
- Vince McMahon
- Gangrel
- Test
- Steve Blackman
Men made into a girl and then they switch that around with the man and they sort of mate together: 1
They sort of mate together
#markhenry #sammy— Art O’Donnell (@art0donnell.bsky.social) January 24, 2026 at 2:39 PM