WWF Raw – January 4th, 1999 – Worcester’s Centrum Centre – Worcester, MA
WWF Raw kicks off—nah, that’s a cheap pun. Let’s say, begins. WWF Raw begins with a replay of HBK’s Sweet Chin Music to Vince McMahon from last week. Kevin Kelly narrates a montage of Shawn Michaels’s career highlights, including the time he dared a fan to hit him after giving a very graphic oral sex taunt (which itself is not shown). Vince McMahon puts a stop to this “sentimental crap”, yelling to take it off the Titantron. So who exactly commissioned it?
Vince comes to the ring with his Corporate Team…
…and tells fans HBK won’t be here tonight. But soon enough, Shawn is on the Titantron entering the arena, leading Vince to tell The Rock and Ken Shamrock to kick his butt and break his bones, respectively. Michaels, joined by DX on stage, informs McMahon that he has an ironclad contract, and that, as Vince stated six weeks ago when he hired him, he answers to no one. Whoops! Michaels says he can’t be fired but can only resign (or take a series of unexplained sabbaticals between now and next summer).
There’s indeed a new sheriff in town, and his name is Shawn Michaels (which was also the name of the old sheriff). As such, Commissioner Michaels takes Vince McMahon out of #30 Royal Rumble spot and instead slots him in at #2, where he will begin the match with Steve Austin. Speaking of which, Michaels promises McMahon a “stone cold” surprise on tonight’s WWF Raw.
Ken Shamrock, who left the ring with the Corporation before the break but now returns, faces Steve Blackman. Shortly into the match, Dan Severn walks to the ring in a neck brace. Blackman hangs Shamrock’s neck across the ropes, but Ken fights back with a Great Maneuver (belly-to-belly suplex). The injured Severn steps onto the apron to have a word with Shamrock, who punches him off. In the ensuing distraction, Billy Gunn hits his Rocker Dropper on the IC champ, allowing Steve Blackman to pin him. This match must have been made by Vince McMahon before HBK came back, as the Intercontinental title was not on the line.
The Rock and Vince McMahon grace the cover of Southwest Airlines’ in-flight magazine. That’s even bigger than Rolling Stone, says Lawler.
WWF Raw returns with backstage skirmish between Billy Gunn and Ken Shamrock. Unlike most real fights, this one involves an Irish whip (which does not look as unrealistic as it sounds).
Mankind shows up to the ring uninvited to cut a promo about grabbing testicles and saying “Suck it”. That, and wanting a title shot against The Rock at the Royal Rumble. Foley is good, says Mankind, noting that the popular “Foley is God” signs are slightly misspelled.
Vince McMahon has a rebuttal, which is no. Mankind is undeserving and hasn’t gotten anywhere, despite the sacrifices he puts his—and here Vince pauses to find the right word—the sacrifices he puts his physique through. McMahon says Mankind will never be number-one contender, but he can enter the Royal Rumble (to be number-one contender) if he beats Triple H tonight. The guest referee, however, will be Shane McMahon.
Backstage, Chyna and a girl friend have a conversation.
Mark Henry faces Goldust, who, after a few minutes of back-and-forth, delivers a Great Maneuver in the form of a spinebuster. Mark Henry responds with a powerslam. Sexual Chocolate hits Goldust with a leg drop but gets sidetracked by Chyna and her friend, who look on from the stage. Dust hits the Edge-o-Matic on the distracted Henry, then shatters his dreams. Goldust’s music hits, despite the bell not ringing, and despite getting disqualified.
Chyna and friend, the latter of whom struggles to walk down the ramp in heels, come to the ring to console Mark. Chyna confesses that “the other night with you” was incredible, but that she might not be enough woman to satisfy him. That’s why she has brought along her friend Sammy, who is covered head-to-toe (including hands) and has no figure to speak of. She and Sammy will “take a load off [his] mind”, Chyna says, prompting a fainting Henry to take an unassisted trust fall. Chyna and Sammy help him to his feet as he prepares to do two chicks at the same time.
Clips from Jesse Ventura’s inauguration air, including a guest appearance by former co-star and future governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.
The WWF continues to skitch on Ventura’s bandwagon, advertising their Jesse Ventura tape.
Single-camera footage airs of Dennis Knight chained up in a dungeon while eerie music plays. “Somebody help me”, cries Knight. “Somebody!”
Cue the Godfather’s music. But the wrestling pimp doesn’t come to the rescue, but to the ring, accompanied by four of his workers. Just then, the world’s limpest police siren rings. Is tonight the night the law comes for the Godfather? In fact, it is a blues harmonica, signaling the entrance of Test.
The announcers discuss what Shawn Michaels meant by “a stone cold surprise”, although this was only what the announcers dubbed it earlier tonight; Shawn himself said he had a surprise that would drive Vince “stone cold crazy”. Regardless, neither Cole nor Lawler mention Steve Austin’s name as a possibility.
Meanwhile, a match is going on. The Godfather hits the Ho Train on Test, which Cole calls a “choo-choo train”. Soon, Val Venis pops up to take a good hard look. Test and Godfather get counted out brawling outside the ring, so, with the match over, Venis rushes down and punch-punch-punches it out with the big Canadian.
Cameras catch Commissioner Michaels yukking it up with D-X backstage. Cole is surprised, as if he didn’t just see them together an hour ago.
WWF Raw returns with its scheduled Mankind-Triple H match. First, referee Shane McMahon enters to the first Corporation theme (an atmospheric electronic piece), followed by Triple H and Mankind. Hunter works his new pal’s arm, while the Deranged One counters with punches. Mankind resists a sunset flip by grabbing onto the ropes, but Shane kicks his hand away, then makes a lightning-quick three-count to cost him the match and a spot in the Rumble.
Triple H, having earned himself a spot, apologizes to Mankind but won’t give it up. He does give Shane a Pedigree, however, so as to clarify that they weren’t in cahoots. “He’s all yours”, says Triple H to Mankind.
Foley then applies a move he learned in high school wrestling, threatening to break Shane’s shoulder and sticking a mic in his face. Mankind demands a title shot tonight in exchange for letting Shane go. Begrudgingly, Vince agrees to the match and a no-DQ stipulation. Hey, isn’t Shawn Michaels still the commissioner, and also a babyface? Maybe he could have asked the Commissioner to make the match instead of extorting it out of the McMahons. The Rock is livid; he doesn’t even have his wrestling gear and will have to compete in his workout clothes.
It’s right around now that Tony Schiavone, on orders from Eric Bischoff, warns WCW Nitro viewers not to switch to WWF Raw because Mick Foley will win the title. This reportedly causes hundreds of thousands to do exactly that, having previously not even known there would be a WWF title match in the first place.
Edge now faces D’Lo Brown, back from an Aruban vacation. Edge takes down Brown with a headscissor. “What a Maneuver”, says Cole. He then dives over the ropes onto D’Lo. Back in the ring, the two men exchanged chops, and Brown hits his unsafe running powerbomb. “Oh, What a Maneuver!” says Cole, this time with feeling.
PMS crashes the match, with Terri holding her hand to her belly so we remember she’s pregnant. “It must be that time of the month”, says Cole. He must mean this as a pun on Terri and Jackie’s faction name, as the pregnant Terri doesn’t have a time of the month anymore. D’Lo counters an aerial move by Edge with a Sky High, then turns his attention to Terri, who points at him from the apron.
D’Lo approaches her, causing her to fall to the floor (and show her thong). Fans are horrified and horny at the miscarriage/panty shot. Terri wails as the match is ruled a rare miscarriage no contest. “D’Lo sucks!” chant the fans at the distraught Brown. It’s a tragedy for sure, but it’s also a miracle that all those WCW viewers who’ve flipped to WWF Raw haven’t flipped right back to Nitro.
Backstage, Doctor/Mortal Kombat actor Francois Petit can’t hear a heartbeat with his stethoscope as Terri continues to cry and D’Lo bangs his head against the door (his own head, not the doctor’s).
Kane, accompanied by Shane and the stooges…
…comes to the ring for a special handicap match. Shane, still in his referee gear, announces the opponents: Gerald Brisco and Pat Patterson. Vince McMahon comes on the mic to explain: since the stooges let Shane get beaten up by Mankind (either tonight or two weeks ago), they have to pay.
After Kane rejects Patterson’s bribes of cigarettes and condoms, Shane motivates the big man by pointing out that the stooges have stuck an ad on his back. Patterson tries to sneak up on Kane with a steel chair, then sets it up and offers Kane a seat when he gets caught. Kane impressively kicks the upright chair out of the ring, then destroys the stooges with chokeslams and ring-post crotchings. Shane keeps a running commentary of the mayhem until Kane goozles him, letting go after Vince calmly threatens him with a return to the asylum. Vince declares Kane the winner of the match, although the bell never rang.
Vince gives his dear son Shane a hug, and Brisco, still in the corner where Kane left him, bickers with Patterson.
Back in the dungeon, the Acolytes tell Dennis Knight, “It’s time”. The future proprietors of the Always Pounding Ass Bar & Grill tell him, “He’s ready for you”.
Al Snow, still in his bloodbath shirt, peeks out from under the curtain before his Hardcore title match with Road Dogg. The challenger ambushes the champ through the curtain, but soon enough, Road Dogg chucks a chair right at Snow’s face. Snow fights back with some Sabu-like offense, which naturally leads to him hurting himself. A failed Snow moonsault through a table allows Road Dogg to grab the ubiquitous cookie sheet and smash his opponent in the head.
The action spills to the tech area, where Dogg sets up a table and hip-tosses Snow through it. They go backstage, where Al chokes Road Dogg with a hose, hits him with a box of toilet paper, and cracks a broom over his back. Road Dogg responds by slamming Snow into a cart of dead flowers. “I think those are some old Christmas poinsettias”, explains King. Snow then wields an aluminum pole (leftover from Festivus) but gets whipped into some beer kegs. Road Dogg tries to spray Snow with a fire extinguisher, but when that fails, he clocks him with it, then throws him through the exit, setting off an alarm.
Dogg and Snow fight in the (lower-case s) snow, with champ putting challenger in a wheelbarrow and running him into a garage door. Finally, Road Dogg piledrives Al onto some pallets and scores a pin to retain the title (or win it, as Cole says). Cameras track Road Dogg’s return through the emergency exit and back into the ring to celebrate.
In another scene from the Dungeon of one-half of Doom, the Acolytes open a door and throw Knight into it. Within, there is a blinding light and lots of screams.
Triple H and Shawn Michaels Hug by an exit as HBK says he’ll be right back. Hunter hands him the key, then says to X-Pac, “Maybe, maybe not”.
“What goes around, comes around”, says X-Pac, ominously. Also ominously, a camera is set up in the parking lot. Michaels finds he’s been given the wrong key and bangs on the door for Hunter to let him back in. Instead, he is confronted by someone just off screen.
WWF Raw returns with Shawn Michaels splayed out on the hood of his car, his face in the broken windshield. Has Marty Jannetty come back for payback? Did the nine thugs from Syracuse come to Worcester for round two? No, it was the Corporation, as cameras show Bossman, Shamrock, Test, and Kane manhandling the commissioner. EMTs put Shawn in a neckbrace and load him on a stretcher into an ambulance.
It’s main event time, and Mankind (flanked by D-X) takes on The Rock (flanked by the Corporation). Rocky, who recently had liposuction on his chest, wears his tracksuit for the match. Rock brutalizes Mankind with the ring steps, taking advantage of the no-DQ stipulation, which means (as King points out) there will be no WCW-style shmozz.
The Rock grabs a headset and talks about the Smackdown Hotel and its address (this is before Google Maps), then takes a sip of water to spit at his challenger, Instead, Mankind punches him and chokes him behind the announce desk. Now it’s Mankind’s turn for commentary, noting his testicular fortitude until Rock smashes him with the ring bell (complete with dubbed-in “ding” sound effect). Rock chokes Mankind with a mic cable, then Rock Bottoms him through the table.
Rock takes the fight back into the ring, where Shane takes cheap shots at Foley (and Jerry takes cheap shots at WCW and their 10:58 pm main events). The Rock hits Mankind with the belt but scores only a two-count, then tries again. This time, Mankind ducks and hits a DDT for a two-count of his own. Each time there is cheating involved, the referee strategically averts his gaze so as not to be forced to disqualify anyone (despite the no-DQ stipulation). Mr. Socko, being an item of clothing, wouldn’t trigger a DQ anyway, so the referee is right there to see Mankind apply the Mandible Claw.
All hell breaks loose when Shamrock breaks up the hold with a chair, leading to a brawl with Billy Gunn, followed by a full-on Corporation vs. D-X battle outside the ring. Stone Cold Steve Austin’s music hits (could that be the “stone cold surprise”?), and the fans go nuts.
Austin nails The Rock in the head with a chair and pulls Mankind onto The Rock. With fans still sustaining their Austin pop, the referee counts the pinfall and declares Mankind the winner and new champion.
Vince McMahon is on the verge of tears seeing Mick Foley holding the WWF title belt. Road Dogg cuts the music and introduces Mankind as the new champion. Shane McMahon lets out some very deliberate screams as Foley celebrates on the mic. “This makes me wanna puke!” says Vince.
Final tally:
4 Maneuvers