Someone Bought This: TNA Dixie Carter figure

23 Submitted by on Thu, 04 April 2013, 21:35

TNA Dixie Carter figure 1

Yes, you can now buy your own TNA Impact Wrestling Dixie Carter figure for just $29.99 plus shipping.

And better yet; it’s autographed by Dixie herself! License To Become A Collectable!

They even have a little contest going. I’ll let them explain:

Buy your exclusive autographed Action Figure of TNA President Dixie Carter from ShopTNA.com. Then, follow @TNADixie on Twitter and post a picture of your action figure along with your location and#WhereIsDixie . Every picture posted enters you for a chance to win IMPACT WRESTLING merchandise, a TNA Heavyweight Championship Replica Belt or even a phone call from TNA President Dixie Carter!

Oh boy! Let me go get my credit card and order this right away so I can have the chance to talk to Dixie Carter! That would be an enthralling and stimulating conversation, for sure!

TNA Dixie Carter figure 2

The figure doesn’t even look anything like her, save for the vapid smile. I mean, Dixie is a fairly good looking woman, but this figure is just hideous.

Would it be inappropriate of me to say that the figure looks more like a hyperactive crack-addicted hooker than Dixie Carter? Oh well, too late.

With that outfit, the figure looks like a homely version of Julia Roberts (well, Julie’s body double, anyway) from the Pretty Woman poster…

Pretty Woman poster

I think even figure collectors are going to take a pass on this one.

Please note that Dixie is a CHOKING HAZARD. I’ll let you make your own jokes, there…

So Dixie, I guess you’re pretty happy about having your own figure, right?

Um… Okay, your expression really says it all, doesn’t it?

I swear Dixie went to the Linda McMahon School Of Emoting And Acting. She must’ve graduated top of her class with Honors…

Anyway, thanks to Crapper Jordan Mishkin for alerting me to this unbelievably dumb figure.

I think it’s probably the least desirable figure I’ve ever seen. Can you Crappers think of any that are even worse than this one? Leave a comment below!

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Submit your "Someone Bought This" and "It Came From YouTube" candidates to me by clicking here. NOTE: You have to delete the word "GOOKER" before you send the email. I probably won't reply to your email, but I read and appreciate everything you all send in. THANK YOU Crappers as always for your contributions! -Paul.
23 Responses to "Someone Bought This: TNA Dixie Carter figure"
  1. Walt says:

    I once saw a Gangrel figure that had a blue and white shirt. That always bugged me as his shirt was white, sometimes there was red from the food coloring that was supposed to be blood after he spit it into the crowd.

    There’s also the old WWF figure of “Adorable” Adrian Adonis, the pose and makeup were disturbing.

  2. Luchaporn says:

    I saw this when I was watching Impact earlier and wondered how long it would take to wind up on the site….well that didn’t take long.

  3. Jay "The Brain" Mann says:

    The only two action figures that Jakks Pacific announced for 2013 so far are this and an Earl Hebner action figure. I wish I was joking.

  4. James S says:

    hahaha can we do a someone bought this of the Earl Hebner action figure as well?

    • "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

      That’s a bit too same-ish to give it a separate induction, but yes, it sounds just as stupid. Oy…

      • James S says:

        Yeah I agree it is in that same vain. Who exactly is the mark for an Earl Hebner action figure, or a Dixie Carter action figure for that matter?

    • Mister Forth says:

      Earl f—ing Hebner!

    • Sentok says:

      But I need that earl hebner figure to re-enact the montreal screwjob with wrestling figures, and post it on youtube. Bret is certain to give it a 4/10.

      • "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

        I’m picturing Bret buying the Earl figure just to rip its head off and feed the head to one of his dogs.

  5. Down With OPC says:

    “Would it be inappropriate of me to say that the figure looks more like a hyperactive crack-addicted hooker than Dixie Carter?”

    So, it was originally meant to be a Claire Lynch figure?

  6. Adam Cota says:

    I wonder how many of the 40-year-old virgins will be approaching her with this figure…

  7. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    What’s really weird about this is that she isn’t even currently an on-screen character involved in any story lines.

    Uh-oh…

    Does this mean she’s coming back soon? :(

  8. Kent Barnes says:

    The worst WWE figure of all time was the Rick Rude one from 1989. His skin was a peculiar shade of pink and his arms with attached to his waist which meant you couldn’t do any moves with the piece of crap. Maybe a forearm smash, but that was about it.

  9. Raven7309 says:

    Ah, come on. It’s no worse than any non-wrestling figure the companies have released over the years. Vince& Shane McMahon, Jim Ross, Joey Styles, etc. Hey, if you had all of these figures, you could have your very own wrestling summit, with the owners, presidents, commissioners, whatever setting the rules and deciding who wrestles for who and for which promotion.

    • dednnett3de6de says:

      Vince and Shane McMahon, Jim Ross, Joey Styles……and Dixie Carter. Hmmm, one of those really shouldn’t be compared to the others.
      This figure could only be crappier if it was a Serge figure instead.

      Also, the face reminds me of Mary Steenburgen.

  10. Raging_Demons says:

    It better say “Sugar”.

  11. Toxic says:

    The WWE Classic Superstars line had a Shockmaster action figure with a generic grey helmet. I understand that they couldn’t use a stormtrooper helmet, but if you can’t give the Shockmaster his signature helmet, just don’t make a Shockmaster action figure at all.
    The same line had a pretty lame “Dangerous” Danny Davis.

    • Raven7309 says:

      I would sell my soul for a Shockmaster, provided it came with a voice chip that had the Ole Anderson Voice-o-Matic included.

  12. James S says:

    Does anyone know if they made action figures for Gunner and Murphy the heel TNA security staff? Those are almost as stupid, but at least gunner and murphy are actual wrestlers.

  13. CriscoBurger says:

    I believe the original LJN line of WWE figures had a generic ring announcer that wasn’t “The Fink”. Correct me if I’m wrong.

  14. kmtown0043 says:

    I guess the Stephanie McMahon figurines didn’t sell, so…

  15. Mark Cardoso says:

    The LJN l;ine had a generic referee not a ring announcer. Mean gene figure could be used as a ring annoucer or interviewer. They made a Vince McMahon figure as well. I was disappinted that the Slick figure didn’t come witha cane… Fuji did Blassie did but not Slick.

    Tor espond above the LJN rick rude figure can do drop kicks and armless rude awakenings but I was take exception to the packaging when they claim these figures can be twisted and bent into all kinds of wrestling holds. Have you ever tried tio bernd and twist an 8″ LJN figure? Damn near impossible.

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