Induction: WCW’s “Kiss My Ass” Match – What better match for two old farts?

21 Submitted by on Thu, 13 June 2013, 19:00

When people think of the last night of the Monday Night Wars, they typically think of the outdoor Nitro in Panama City, Florida that ended with Sting vs. Ric Flair and a simulcast featuring both Vince and Shane McMahon.

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And yes, according to kayfabe, that would be the the last episode of the Monday Night Wars, as in story line, Vince planned to officially purchase WCW in a ceremony at Wrestlemania 17, only for Shane McMahon to swoop in and steal the company out from under him. In reality, though, Vince had already bought the company by the time the episode aired, meaning that the last episode of Nitro produced by WCW as a rival company to the WWF took place, in fact, one week earlier. And while WCW’s “Night of Champions” swan song may have been a valiant attempt to go out with dignity, the last independently-produced WCW Nitro was anything but. Or, more specifically, Dusty Rhodes’s butt.

Night of Champions may have seen the conclusion of the storied Flair/Sting rivalry (until TNA resurrected it a decade later), but the March 19th, 2001 Nitro saw what still stands as the last encounter between Ric Flair and Dusty Rhodes. And yes, it all revolved around Dusty’s hairy white ass.

 DWA-02 With Ric Flair as WCW’s most recent and, as fate would have it, last-ever authority figure, the Nature Boy had tried to sign Dustin Rhodes, son of the American Dream himself, to join his stable. Instead, Dustin refused, because the former cross-dresser had a little something called pride.
This set off a rivalry between Ric and Dustin which would soon become a family affair, with Dustin’s dad joining in to take on Ric Flair and Jeff Jarrett (who was not Flair’s son, but it was either him or David Flair, so yeah, why not Jeff Jarrett?) david flair running
DWA-03 DWA-04 How did the senior Rhodes get dragged into this mess? Through the always entertaining wrestling tradition of impersonation. In this case, the American Dream was impersonated not just by Jarrett, but later by Flair, until the real Dream showed up to clean house and challenge the Nature Boy and the Nature Boy wannabe to a match at the first-ever (and last-ever) WCW Greed pay-per-view. And, Dusty promised, he would make Flair kiss his “white ass.”
As Dusty’s theme music, a cheap Jimmy Hart knockoff of his WWF theme (also written by Jimmy Hart), played in the Greenville, SC arena, Ric Flair was irate at the prospect of puckering up to Dusty’s backside. He should have been more concerned about those third-degree burns on his face.  DWA-05
DWA-09 Come pay-per-view time, it was nothing but gas jokes by Dusty and the announcers. The Dream claimed backstage to have eaten “240 burritos,” which makes you wonder what Simon Dean was complaining about when Bobby Lashley made him eat that plate full of hamburgers. Tony Schiavone and Scott Hudson noted that Dusty could “pass gas on call.” They also speculated as to the quality of those burritos and its implications for tonight’s stipulation, which the announcers explained thusly: the man who took the fall would have to kiss the rear end of the man who scored the fall. Of course, this was WCW, where the announcers were always the last to know the official rules, so they also speculated that perhaps the entire losing team had to kiss the entire winning team’s behinds. Or maybe they just had a brain fart.
Amidst all the talk of flatulence, this little factoid managed to squeak by: this was the first time that Ric Flair and Dusty Rhodes had ever wrestled each other on pay-per-view. Starrcade ’84 never made it to pay-per-view, but WCW’s own “Kiss My Ass” match did. Since WCW would be bought out the following week, the night’s bout would also be the last time Flair and Rhodes would ever wrestle each other on PPV. Do you think that if WCW had known that going into this pay-per-view, they would have kept the butt-kissing stipulation, or would they have opted instead for a Viagra-on-a-pole match? DWA-06
 DWA-08 Flair, in an example of good judgment rarely seen in his recent belt-hocking days, tried to back out of the match, but was denied by “Little Naitch,” referee Charles Robinson (who also would have made a better Flair than David). As a result, Big Naitch had to wrestle in the kind of Hawaiian shirt that people his age typically wore on retirement cruises.
Throughout the match, Tony and Scott discussed the best strategy for taking on Dusty, such as beating the gas out of him ahead of time just in case you did end up having to plant one on his derriere. As the match wore on, the announcers became more and more sure that only the two men involved in the decision would partake in the ceremonial ass-smooching.  DWA-07
 DWA-10 Here’s a piece of wrestling trivia that time forgot: Dustin Rhodes retained his signature corner kick to the groin during his last stint in WCW. The move that under his Goldust gimmick was called “Shattered Dreams” (with “dreams” as a euphemism for “testicles) was now dubbed the “Dust Buster” (with “dust” as a euphemism for “testicles”).
The finish of the match saw Flair and Dustin Rhodes as the legal men in the ring until both men’s partners ran in to get involved in the action. After the Rhodes clan thwarted an attempted stereo figure-four leglock, Dustin got the pin on Flair. According to the stipulation, that meant that the Nature Boy would have to plant one on The Natural’s posterior. That’s what the announcers said, anyhow. DWA-11
 DWA-12 The Dream, however, had other plans, as he demanded that Flair kiss his “big white ass,” then put Jarrett (who, like Dusty, was not even involved in the fall) into the corner to receive a stinkface from the underwear-clad elder Rhodes.
What’s most disappointing wasn’t the lack of adherence to the rules, but rather that Dusty wasn’t wearing polka-dot undies, but rather some red briefs out of the Scott Steiner collection.  steiner pants
 DWA-13 “I never in my wildest dreams,” said Scott Hudson, “thought I would see something like this in WCW.” This, coming from a man who had seen David Arquette as world champion, the aforementioned Viagra-on-a-pole match, and a wrestler name Kwee Wee.
Here’s something else Scott should have seen coming in WCW: the abandonment of a stipulation. The next night on Nitro, “The Nature Boss” (and yes, that is what they actually called him. And you thought “The Macho King” was an awful moniker!) made it clear that he was not going to kiss anybody’s anything. Fortunately for the fans, a clearly despondent Eric Bischoff (who was still trying to buy WCW and keep it on the air) literally phoned in a promo telling Flair that, as a future Bischoff employee, it was in his “best interest to kiss Dusty Rhodes’s ass.” So, the stipulation about kissing Dustin‘s ass still wasn’t followed through on, but a Dusty ass-kissing was better than no ass-kissing at all, right? flair goes nuts
DWA-14 At the end of the night, Flair came out with Jeff Jarrett to “make the right the decision” as CEO and told Dusty to bring his “big white ass” out so he could kiss it. Instead, Dustin Rhodes, whose ass Ric was in fact contractually obligated to kiss, came to ringside to introduce his daddy. Dusty, however, didn’t come alone, walking a white donkey to the ring. Get it, “Dusty’s white ass“? Well, just in case you didn’t, WCW spray-painted “Dusty’s ass” on the donkey’s hindquarters.
Flair went apoplectic. Here was a guy, who just a minute earlier was ready and willing to kiss a three-hundred-plus-pound man’s buttocks on live TV, going ballistic at the possibility of having to kiss an animal instead. I seriously don’t get what would be so bad about having to kiss a donkey. Who said Flair had to kiss the donkey’s butt and not, say, its forehead? After all, the stipulation (sort of) said that Flair had to kiss Dusty’s ass, not Dusty’s ass’s ass.  DWA-15
 DWA-16 Instead, Naitch looked like he was going to puke, especially after Dusty made another fart joke about having fed his donkey 300 burritos. A burro eating burritos? Isn’t that cannibalism?
The Nature Boss and the Chosen One weren’t going to do this the easy way, fighting back and trying to make the Dream do the dirty deed. However, before the heel duo could give Dusty “a taste of his own medicine” (not FDA-approved, by the way), Dustin made the save, and the two Rhodeses shoved Flair and Jarrett into a part of the donkey kinda sorta near the butt cheeks.  DWA-17

 

Flair had at last kissed Dusty’s ass, leading Tony Schiavone to try in vain to explain the complex humor being presented. In fact, Tony was chuckling so uncontrollably that he forgot to declare that night the greatest in the history of our sport. Ric threw a tantrum, but at least he was going to be in good standing with his new boss, Eric Bischoff.

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Oh, right.

The following week on the last-ever Nitro, Ric Flair was the only one of the four to even appear on TV, and new WCW owner Vince McMahon spilled the beans about Dustin Rhodes once wanting to get breast implants for his Goldust persona. Neither Ric nor Dustin would be back on TV for months, while Dusty would return only as a “legend,” and Jeff Jarrett (whom Vince fired on air) would have to form his own company after having hustled Vince on his way out of the WWF in 1999.

If the fart jokes left a bad taste in your mouth, and you didn’t enjoy looking at Dusty where the sun don’t shine, look on the bright side: This angle was silly, was internally inconsistent, was dropped abruptly without notice, and did nothing to advance the careers of anyone involved. What more fitting end to WCW could there have been?

Written by

A wrestling fan ever since the days of Wrestlemania IX, Art graduated from college in the same building where Art Donovan called King of the Ring 1994. He currently runs the "How Much Does This Guy Weigh?" blog, where he reviews New Generation-Era Monday Night Raws and Hasbro WWF figures.
21 Responses to "Induction: WCW’s “Kiss My Ass” Match – What better match for two old farts?"
  1. Down With OPC says:

    Ric Flair with short hair was always weird to me.

  2. Lee W says:

    Vince Russo as his “brilliant best”

  3. CG scum says:

    While he did have his share of outrageous storylines to his credit, this one had nothing to do with Vince Russo.

    • James S says:

      You know, this angle had all the hallmarks of Russonian logic. I’m surprised that he actually had nothing to do with it.

  4. Raven7309 says:

    “Dust Buster??!!” WCW should’ve used on to suck the memory out of the minds of the poor fans who had to watch this garbage.

  5. ScMcS says:

    I’m confident that Russo was long gone, but who was in charge of the day-to-day writing for the last few months? It wasn’t that good, as this angle clearly presented, but was much more watchable than the Russo shit from the end of 99 throughout most of 2000.

    • James S says:

      I’m sure Russo was gone by this point. I almost wanna say Kevin Nash was the head booker at this point, but I could be wrong.

    • WaylonMercy24 says:

      Johnny Ace and Russo’s longtime partner-in-crime Ed Ferrera were the head writers by this point, so they’re the ones to blame for this.

      And considering all of the dumb storylines and characters Ed has created in the wrestling business, it’s hard to believe he’s the same guy who also helped create “Weird Science”, one of the greatest, most entertaining TV shows of all time.

      • Paul R. from SpookCentral.tk says:

        Ed Ferrara also wrote for and co-executive produced the Honey, I Shrunk The Kids TV series. Bret & Owen were featured in an episode not long before Owen’s tragic death.

  6. s1mon86 says:

    maybe this ‘kiss my ass’ match was a message to WWF about what it could do even though they were about to buy the company, as in they put on this terrible angle to make the show unsellable to any other investors and not get air time.

  7. ChrisV says:

    I found WCW tolerable for its last few months (I want to say three months). It seemed to be making real improvements over where it had ended up the year before.
    (OK, that wouldn’t have been hard, granted. The first time I ever stopped watching WCW, the Summer of 2000 until December. Which did include the Vince Russo idea to have “short hair Flair”.)
    But, I must have wiped all memory of this story-line from my mind, because it is awful, and I had zero memory of it until I saw this induction.

  8. Down With OPC says:

    Man, in that Scott Steiner Batista’d gif, Orton is showing more enthusiasm than he has in the past five years!

  9. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    I remember this whole stupid angle infuriating me for some reason. It was just that stupid and pointless.

  10. Jackwagon says:

    I do sort of wonder where they would have gone from there (not just with this, but with WCW in general) if they still had a TV deal. Without Turner’s bottomless wallet, WCW’s demise probably would have been inevitable anyway, but without a TV deal, it was pretty much a branded tape library.

    Granted, the wrestling boom probably would have worn down sooner or later anyway (if it hadn’t already), and WCW would have been a likely casualty of that, but it would have been interesting to see how they would plan to resolve the whole Steiner thing as well (basically, someone finally coming back to, in the undead words of Tony Schiavone, “kick his rear end”).

    Of course, Bischoff being the way he was, it probably would have been Hogan as champ again.

  11. Stephen says:

    Huh, this is an induction I wasn’t familiar with at all. I like it when Wrestlecrap surprises me with inductions like this. It was the same with Brakus.

    • "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

      Yeah; I like being surprised by stuff I’ve never seen before, too.

      And boy do I wish I’d never seen this when it originally aired…

  12. John Darc says:

    Oh god, David Flair. How did this dude come out of his daddy’s balls?

  13. Barry says:

    I miss the last days of WCW. It was total Wrestlecrap, but it was entertaining Wrestlecrap at that.

    • "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

      I found most of the last days of WCW to be about as entertaining as a root canal, but that’s just my opinion. :)

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