Induction: The Outsiders vs. Adult Film Stars – Hall & Nash’s Biggest Opponent…In Two Ways!

36 Submitted by on Thu, 09 July 2015, 20:18

WCW, 1999

When head writers Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara jumped from the WWF to WCW in the fall of 1999, many expected big changes for WCW and its fortunes. For the masterminds behind the Attitude Era, what WCW needed more than new stars was sex, sex, sex. Not content with just infusing sexual content into the storylines and characters as they had done with Val Venis and the Godfather, the new writers set out to make their own sequel to The Young and The Wrestling, complete with simulated sex acts in the ring.

wcwxxx01

And who better to do it than forty-somethings Scott Hall and Kevin Nash?

The Outsiders, after a night of partying in Vegas, arrived at Nitro with a cooler full of beer that they planned to polish off backstage. Much to their surprise, an agent informed them that the Powers That Be (Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara) had booked them in a match that night, despite neither man having their gear (and Nash not having underwear). I don’t know why this should have come as a shock to Hall and Nash; was it standard practice for WCW to have unbooked talent show up to live events and just get drunk backstage?
wcwxxx02

(Sadly, almost certainly yes)

 

wcwxxx03  As they tried to sober up with coffee, Hall and Nash wondered whom the new “creative team” had scheduled them to “work” against that night. I put those insider terms in quotation marks because they were actually used on air by announcers and The Outsiders, respectively. Edgy!
Two and a half hours later, Hall and Nash stepped into the ring and waited for the arrival of their opponents. The Harris Brothers then stood up on the stage as The Outsiders chopped their crotches at them as if to say, “suck it!” wcwxxx04
wcwxxx05 And on that note, the twins then introduced Hall and Nash’s real opponents – female adult film stars.
Why? The announcers figured it was because the Powers That Be wanted big ratings. wcwxxx06 
wcwxxx07 So the ladies strolled down to the ring; the first two girls probably had the audience wondering, “Are those breasts real or fake?”
The last one had the audience wondering, “Are those breasts? wcwxxx08
wcwxxx09 I mean, they were clearly not real breasts, but were those things even implants, or just water balloons stuffed under her shirt?
The woman in question was the adult film actress Minka, owner of the world’s second-largest pair of breast implants (WCW couldn’t be #1 in anything at this point). The Jushin Liger of porn stars, Minka holds two Super J Cups. wcwxxx10 
wcwxxx11  The Outsiders stood in awe of the three women as if they were the hottest thing since unsliced bread (which retains heat slightly better than sliced bread). In fact, two of the women were objectively no more attractive than Nitro regulars like Torrie Wilson and Kimberly Page, and one of them was objectively no more attractive than this stick of balloons.
After some mock warm-ups, the bell rang to begin the first-ever intergender, professional-wrestlers-versus-professional-sexers match, pitting The Outsiders against The Inside ’ers. wcwxxx12
wcwxxx13  At first, Hall and Nash had no idea what to do with their opponents, who countered them at every turn. For instance, one of them blocked an attempted collar-and-elbow tie-up by nearly poking Hall’s eyes out.
Finally, the boys figured out a strategy — get molested. wcwxxx14
wcwxxx15  First, there was this unique headlock by a woman who had finished off more men than Ed “Strangler” Lewis.
After basking in the afterglow… wcwxxx16
wcwxxx17 …Hall was repeatedly rammed in the face with the actress’s nether-regions…
…which he sold like he’d been hit by a car .
wcwxxx18

(He had, after all, suffered a head-on collision with a used Vulva)

wcwxxx19  After just a few weeks on the job, Russo and Ferrara had managed to take professional wrestling to new lows. Sure, X-Pac had been doing his Bronco Buster for ages by then, but this time the “victim” was enjoying his opponent smashing their genitals into his face, which, in the wrestling world, makes it worse, somehow.
Porn star #1 spanked Scott Hall as the announcers giddily exclaimed how big their ratings would be. After all, who wouldn’t want to see Scott Hall get his rocks off in the middle of the ring? wcwxxx20
wcwxxx21 I mean, once we heard that the Outsiders didn’t have their ring gear, we had already figured they would simply come in their pants, but this was ridiculous. The whole thing seemed like a bizarre softcore porn film — one starring Kevin Nash and Scott Hall.
(Which isn’t as far-fetched as it sounds)  wcwxxx22bwcwxxx22a
wcwxxx23 Nash, looking like the ring was his own personal glory-hole, signaled for the hot tag and, after making the exchange with Hall, somehow managed to step over the top rope in his current state without injuring himself.
Nash’s momentum would be short-lived, however, as he would be distracted by the unofficial third woman on the ring apron. After very carefully entering the ring through the ropes, Minka looked like she was going to reveal the biggest bust since Master P and the No-Limit Soldiers. wcwxxx24 
wcwxxx25 Nash was mesmerized and pantomimed for the woman to take off her top, but she wouldn’t do it unless The Outsiders took a dive.
Thus, in a scene reminiscent of the Finger Poke of Doom (which is an infamous WCW angle and not a porno), Nash lay down, followed by Hall, as the two more mobile women of the bunch covered them for the three-count. wcwxxx26 
wcwxxx27  After the bell, Nash popped up, so to speak, and eagerly awaited the unveiling of Minka’s playthings, each of which held 4 liters, making them slightly larger than the gallon-containers of milk you buy at the grocery store. Yes, you could actually call them, “jugs,” and it would still be an understatement.
So Nash waited. And waited. And still, Minka wouldn’t deliver the goods. I don’t think this was a striptease or an attempt to stall; I really think she physically could not pull her shirt over those things. Basketballs don’t hold grudges, and WCW shirts shouldn’t hold basketballs. wcwxxx28 
wcwxxx29  Finally, Goldberg ran in and speared both Outsiders to end a segment that, despite being billed as Russo-booked, felt like it was written by Hall and Nash themselves (minus the part where they jobbed).
   

From WWE’s Hot Lesbian Action to TNA’s mud-wrestling match with the Beautiful People, there are few things more insulting than when a wrestling show openly celebrates that it is doing a meaningless stunt just to get ratings; the audience feels like suckers for being manipulated so easily by a cynical ploy.

The Russo-Ferrara team would soon get canned, and for good reason. When it comes to wrestling matches, fans know that they’re not real, but they want to at least be able to suspend disbelief and pretend that they are. Matches like these didn’t even attempt to be the genuine article and instead tastelessly waved their fakeness in the audience’s face.

wcwxxx30

Don’t you hate it when people do that?

Written by

A wrestling fan ever since the days of Wrestlemania IX, Art graduated from college in the same building where Art Donovan called King of the Ring 1994. He also runs the "How Much Does This Guy Weigh?" blog, where he reviews New Generation-Era Monday Night Raws. Follow him on Twitter @Art0Donnell. Email at: art@wrestlecrap.com
36 Responses to "Induction: The Outsiders vs. Adult Film Stars – Hall & Nash’s Biggest Opponent…In Two Ways!"
  1. The Doctor of Style says:

    Hm, so any tag team could’ve won the titles from The Outsiders if they’d only impersonated female adult film stars.

    What would we call Marcus Bagwell & Scotty Riggs if they’d done that? The American Females?

  2. Sean Bateman says:

    This match sucked. But, there was a Liger reference. There is a bad Liger WCW match in 99 with Juvi using a tequila bottle to win the IWGP Jr. Heavyweighr title. NJPW was embarrased with the outcome, they did not put it on the record books for a decade. Way to Go, WCW!

  3. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    Oh geez, I forgot all about this. Don’t you love it when wrestlers do angles just to amuse themselves?

  4. Joey says:

    Wasn’t Scott Hall married at the time?

  5. Joe Jackson says:

    What are the other girls’ names, besides Minka?

  6. Jean Blue says:

    The “suffered a head-on collision with a used Vulva” joke is your best line of the year…possibly ever.

    • Enhancement Talent 2, Mark III says:

      I didn’t even fully get it until just now, reading your comment. That’s embarassing……..
      You’re right, that is a great line.

  7. John C says:

    Man, I’ve been on E-Bay & Craigslist looking for a used Vulva for weeks now. I kept getting some guy named Jerry asking me if I knew his girl Mulva. It’s always funny to hear Vinny Ru & the other idiot always use the excuse if only Turner’s Standards & Practices let them push the envelope more they would have beaten Raw. No, you’d just get this juvenile borefest which only the most hard up basement dweller would get wood over. Another A-Tit-tude relic thankfully in the past.

  8. Down With OPC says:

    I remember this match, and just being utterly confused.

  9. Peter says:

    “The woman in question was the adult film actress Minka, owner of the world’s second-largest pair of breast implants (WCW couldn’t be #1 in anything at this point). The Jushin Liger of porn stars, Minka holds two Super J Cups.”

    Superb.

  10. Mister Forth says:

    Dean Ambrose would live up to his nickname in this match.

  11. Egg says:

    Val Venis had skits with Jenna Jameson, difference was that Jameson was probably the most famous porn actress in the world at the time (as well as genuinely beautiful) and she wasn’t involved in any of his matches. Venis was a silly character but it wasn’t really that far-fetched to believe an adult film actor, most of whom are in decent physical shape, would make it as a wrestler, and besides which Sean Morley’s always been an underrated performer (ahem) so the matches themselves were fine. Same goes for the Godfather, a stupid character but generally it didn’t come into play in the ring. It’s a very different matter to actually get porn stars in a match just for the amusement of guys who already had far too much fun running roughshod over the rest of the company. This was just tedious.

  12. Egg says:

    By the way, the “come in their pants” line got a chuckle, mostly because I get the feeling many readers would have missed the double entendre.

  13. Dave says:

    I had never heard of this occurring before… and if there wasn’t any photographic proof and someone was just telling me about it, I would be convinced they were pulling my leg. I would never have believed that this could have actually happened on a professional wrestling show.

  14. JustAGuyGuy says:

    “SHE’S GOT MOURNFUL TITS!”

  15. Tony says:

    Minka could have entered the King of Trios tournament by herself.

  16. Wally says:

    Did WWE bring out Rachel Rockets before or after Minka was in WCW?

  17. Alexandru says:

    Agree that what bothered me most about Russo was his insistence that everything be a work shoot and having the announcers say “insider” terms like a script, shoot, etc. on air is just horrendous. It makes a mockery of the business. Having crap like this didn’t help either. There really is no way to suspend one’s disbelief

  18. Anonymous says:

    “The woman in question was the adult film actress Minka, owner of the world’s second-largest pair of breast implants (WCW couldn’t be #1 in anything at this point).”
    “The Jushin Liger of porn stars, Minka holds two Super J Cups.”
    “In fact, two of the women were objectively no more attractive than Nitro regulars like Torrie Wilson and Kimberly Page, and one of them was objectively no more attractive than this stick of balloons.”
    “First, there was this unique headlock by a woman who had finished off more men than Ed “Strangler” Lewis.”
    “(He had, after all, suffered a head-on collision with a used Vulva)”
    “Nash, looking like the ring was his own personal glory-hole, signaled for the hot tag and, after making the exchange with Hall, somehow managed to step over the top rope in his current state without injuring himself.”

    Each of these lines is absolutely fantastically hilarious.

  19. Anonymous says:

    100% agreed with everyone on the insider terms being insufferable. And the shock angles being just annoying.

  20. GeneMean says:

    The only thing more embarrassing than this match is the fact that I owned the same hideous shirt that Hall was wearing.

  21. johnnyfog says:

    We should applaud Vince and Ed’s continence in this episode. They didn’t book themselves in the match.

    Or maybe they did, and Nash trotted out his analogy about three inch dicks.

  22. Magnus says:

    Goldberg banged Minka that night. Speaking of which does she have a last name?

  23. Porter "Budsgrand" Sultzbaugh says:

    Aw Man !
    Now I gotta clean my computer screen.

  24. theJawas says:

    One other tidbit here is that Nash was “retired” after losing to Hogan at Road Wild that year. I believe this was his first official match back. Yep.

  25. Richard Hyde says:

    “…the new writers set out to make their own sequel to The Young and The Wrestling, complete with simulated sex acts in the ring.”

    You know, in England the last part of that quote pretty much means simulated butt sex – so I guess we should be pretty grateful that’s something that Hall and Nash didn’t put into this horror show!

  26. Doc 902714 says:

    “Finally, Goldberg ran in and speared both Outsiders.”

    Leave it to Goldberg to finish off both Hall and Nash which makes this moment even more disturbing.

  27. TMM says:

    Seems the mystery of the Vegas Vixxens remains pending, they don’t seem to appear on most casting lists of the show.

leave a comment