INDUCTION: Kevin Nash, The Promoter – Don’t Worry, Your Halloween Costume Will Be Better

48 Submitted by on Thu, 13 October 2016, 20:00

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WCW, 1999

Halloween is always one of my favorite times of the year.  It’s no Christmas, don’t get me wrong, but it’s still something I look forward to even though the days of eating pounds of chocolate obtained via trick or treating are long since past.  These days, I search out new ways to enjoy the holiday.  For instance, I’ve never been a huge horror movie fan, but I recently went to my favorite haunt, The Skyline Drive In (home of the legendary SkyCade, run by yours truly!), and checked out the legendary Hitchcock classic Psycho.  You want to talk scary?  Imagine you are in a car all by yourself, in the middle of a dark, cold field, and you have this staring you in the face:

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That’s Halloween, kids.

Of course, running this site for so many years, I’ve learned that professional wrestling seems to love Halloween just as much as I do.  We’ve had wrestling mummies, chambers of horrors, bogus Stings, and of course my personal favorite…

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Kaitlyn dressed up as a hobo penguin.

Good times.

No, scratch that.

GREAT TIMES.

So yeah, I always look forward to Halloween not only in general terms, but here on the site as well.  And I am thrilled to announce that we’re doing not one, not two, but three special Halloween inductions this year! And what better way to kick off the festivities than to roll all the way back to 1999 on a very special Monday Nitro.

“Special” being the operative word here.  You had to be kinda special to actually sit through this complete mess of a show, in which approximately 4,273 bits took place in the span of a mere 180 minutes.  Why if I didn’t know better, I’d think our old pal Vince Russo was booking this thing.

(Reaches over to book shelf, checks copy of Death of WCW: 10th Anniversary Edition.)

Whaddya know?  HE WAS!

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So the Outsiders are sitting in the back discussing what would wind up being arguably the single worst tournament in pro wrestling history, the infamous WCW World Title Tournament of 1999.  Not sure we’ve ever inducted that whole thing, but if not, we really need to do so.  (And by “we”, I specifically mean Art needs to do so, as I don’t have that many brain cells left that I can afford to lose.)  You can tell the boys mean business, as Hall is busy looking through his fanny pack while Nash is reading a newspaper.  Nothing sells the importance of your most important title being up for grabs like two guys looking like they’d rather be any place else on planet earth.

Lo and behold, Nash will be unable to go to the ring with Hall because he doesn’t have a proper managers license, and the “Powers that Be” (Russo as Dr. Claw in a heel commissioner role) are sticklers for such paperwork being in place.  As Hall begins to look…concerned, I think?…Nash explains that maybe in lieu of being a manager, he could could be Hall’s “promoter”.  “You know, like the guy up north, with the padded shoulders,” Kev slurs.  “I’ll give you a downside, everything.”

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Usually this is where I’d say “allegedly” or “supposedly” or “allegedly…supposedly” to avoid potential legal issues in proclaiming someone was completely sloshed on air, but considering they are literally sitting next to a bar tap and Hall has a shirt reading “Booze-Tang”, I think I can go without the disclaimers.

Maybe I’m wrong.  Here, listen, you be the judge.

And to be completely fair, it’s patently obvious these two guys could possibly care less.

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Heck, Hall can’t even keep a straight face, just completely losing it as Kev was attempting to describe the dire straights Scott was in here.

I’ve said a lot of bad things about Hall and Nash not taking things seriously over the years and kinda taking advantage of the wrestling business, but if the goofs running WCW at the time weren’t even going to ask for a second take on this, I don’t know I can actually blame them for such attitudes.

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Backstage we…I was going to say “go”, but I guess “continue” would be more accurate, with SOMEONE getting plastic surgery done.  Gee, I wonder who it could possibly be?  Well, whoever it is, he explains to his make up artist, “You know Andre, the big Irish nose is a given, but the real key to this is the cleft chin.  We’re not talking Kirk Douglas, I’m talking Grand Canyon cleft chin.  You know what I mean, pally?”

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And once more we get a shot of the back of this mysterious man’s head, as he notes, “I’m not going to burn this bridge, I’m going to blow it up!  HA HA HA HA.  HA HA HA HA.”

Now however read that, it had to have been better than how it was peformed live on air.

So finally, eventually the Wolfpack music hits and…

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…the single worst impersonator in history makes his way to the ring.

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I had originally written “the single worst Vince McMahon impersonator”, but seriously, look at that image.

If I didn’t tell you who that was supposed to be, would you have ANY idea at all?

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Like if a kid in my neighborhood came to the house trick or treating and looking like that, I’d probably hunt down his mom and say, “C’mon lady, it’s Halloween…you have to do better than that.”

SERIOUSLY – WHY IS HALF HIS FACE MISSING?!

And hey, speaking of horrible performances, give this a listen.

I mean, if you have like the three hours to do absolutely nothing, give it a listen.

And if you pay close attention (and have not fallen asleep), and you can clearly hear the deafening silence of the crowd, obviously baffled by what they were seeing.  Get used to it, kids – it’s going to get a whole lost worse in the months to come!

On the plus side, “The Promoter” does announce his client, “Trouser Snake” Scott Hall!

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So yes, TROUSER SNAKE SCOTT HALL comes out, and in the process somehow Nash’s wig falls off.  He puts it back on, only to have his pony tail fall out.  I’d make a Davy Crockett joke here, but Tony Schiavone already did so on commentary.

Good show, Tony.  Maybe you can write a guest induction some day!

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Backstage we go (yet again!), as Hall and…”Vince”…meet with Sid.  As “The Promoter” talks to Sid, he explains that the big guy just needs to trust him.  This leads Sid to go into a rage, screaming, and I am simply quoting here, “The last time I trusted you two years ago my whole career went into the sh!tter!

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Then, for reasons of which I have zero idea, they all laugh.

Ok, wait, I do have a reason – the way Sid yelled “sh!tter” was pretty funny.

That aside, I’d try to figure this out, but no joke, less than 90 minutes earlier on this exact same show there was a segment backstage where Kidman was filming Lex Luger and Elizabeth outside their locker room.

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And it was a scene right out of an early 80’s teenage sex comedy, with (unmasked) Rey Mysterio (who looked to be 12) literally climbing on Eddie Guerrero’s back to take in the antics.

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And during that segment, Luger too just breaks character and starts laughing.

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Which leads to Liz laughing.  Oh, and drinking a Diet Coke for some reason.

(I originally thought it was a beer, which would have been the ultimate trump to that doofus Blade Braxton who somehow maintains that WWF Liz > WCW Liz, which we all know is not the case.)

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That particular part of the show ended when a production guy sitting on the floor clapped his hands and said, “That’s good!  We’re out!”

So asking me to try to deduce what is happening on this show is truly a fool’s errand.

And hey, wait a minute.  If Sid really thought that the last two years his career was in the sh!tter, wasn’t he in WCW the entire time?  Thus he was calling WCW the sh!tter?

Is this where I’m supposed to type “because WCW”?

That hasn’t prevented others from trying to solve the mysteries, though.  In particular, I love this recap where it is theorized that “Nash takes off the toupee and Sid realizes that it is not Vince and calms down.”

So apparently, according to this, Sid was confused that he was not actually talking to Vince McMahon.

You know, as he was staring face to face with this:

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Eh, honestly, that’s better than any explanation I have.

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“The Promoter” then shows up backstage with the Nitro Girls, who are starting to fight each other.  I remember specifically writing about this in The Death of WCW, but somehow I can’t tell you a thing about it.  That’s either early Alzheimers kicking in or God just trying to block my brain from further bad memories.

Also, Art, get to work on that.

What, you may ask, did all this lead to?

Some fascinating ending?

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It ended with “The Promoter” out cold on the floor.

Who knocked him out?

Dude, this was Russo WCW…do you really think we ever found out?

More specifically, do you think >>>I<<< am going to try to figure it out?

Fuhgedabboutit.  Instead, I’ll just theorize he passed out from being tanked.

Sorry, from being tanked…PALLY.

There, my Vince McMahon impersonation is just as good as Big Kev’s!

 

 

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48 Responses to "INDUCTION: Kevin Nash, The Promoter – Don’t Worry, Your Halloween Costume Will Be Better"
  1. kmtown says:

    Thought he resembled a dark-haired Rondo “The Creeper” Hatton.

  2. CP says:

    Two things.

    1) Re: Sid- well, he does have half the brain that you do.

    2) Re: Elizabeth- like a fine glass of wine.

  3. Hulk6785 says:

    “I’m not going to burn this bridge, I’m going to blow it up! HA HA HA HA. HA HA HA HA.”

    Three years later, he’d be back in WWE.

  4. Jay douros says:

    This was filmed in 1999 and Sid said when he trusted Vince it was 2 years ago which would have been in 1997 when he was in the wwf.

    • Jason says:

      Plus, the popular rumor at the time was that Sid shat his pants in his match with The Undertaker. So perhaps describing his career as being “in the shitter” was all too accurate.

    • BeaverCleavage says:

      But if trusting Vince 2 years ago put him in the shitter, and he went to WCW in that time, that would be insinuating that the only reason he was in WCW was that his career went to the shitter. So……yeah.

      • Adam says:

        The two years were Sid appearing less and less on Raw, leaving to heal a neck injury, indie shows, and ECW for a few months.

        Or Russo actually did mean WCW. Who can tell, with him?

  5. Geoff says:

    The “Kid Cam” is looking in on Luger and Liz with a 12 year old Rey Misterio and an oversexed Eddie Guerrero looking on. That just all sorts of wrong in all sorts of ways. I can see why you would liken it to a teenage sex comedy farce. When Vince saw this, I can see why his record for cackling went on for two weeks straight. As did Nash’s and Hall’s and Sid’s and Luger’s and Liz’s. But what nobody saw coming is that Vince would try to duplicate this years later in the form of a Ladder match for the rights of Eddie Guerrero’s (or is that Rey Misterio’s) son, Dominick. Who has that same stare/face that Dixie Carter has whenever she is horrified by seeing bad writing and wrestling/ good writing and wrestling in front of her. Which a year or so later gives Misterio an idea to do the Misterio cam. And thus after 6 7 or 8 degrees of separation. We go from Kid cam to Misterio cam. My how history repeats itself. And we won’t even take it a degree further and go with the Khali kiss cam. That is all sorts of wrong in all sorts of many more ways.

  6. Betty Rumble says:

    How can you do a Vince McMahon impersonation and not do his arm flailing walk down the ramp? It’d be like dressing up as Groucho and walking around calmly and sensibly with perfect posture.

  7. TV's Mr. Neil says:

    Skeevoni’s like, “I know that walk.”

    Um, no. Nash is walking far too gingerly to be doing the Vince walk.

    Also, Heenan appears to be in give-no-crap mode. He is way on auto-pilot at this point in his WCW career.

  8. Brandon says:

    I remember having those segments on VHS for the longest time along with Flair’s ’98 tirades and Raw is Owen. Bad Vince impersonation? Yes. It was still hilarious to me. I particularly love when Scott Hall got in the ring and asked “Vince” where he bought his clothes. “Do you shop at Jaque Cese Penne?”

  9. John C says:

    Big Kev was always way to impressed with himself. If it wasn’t for being 7 foot tall he never could have sniffed at being in the business. How he got paid for so long with the too cool for school attitude is amazing. It’s funny how they were brought in as The Outsiders, the ultimate infiltrators, and now simply the lack of paperwork was their vulnerability. After so much Kevin Nash it makes me want to lay down and take a nap.

    • whorefinder says:

      Yeah. What’s more, he came off as a bully. I remember when WCW’s Cruiserweights were getting red-hot, and Rey Mysterio was first breaking out. Nash decided he didn’t like that and did a segment where he squashed Rey and threw him headfirst into the side of some building and laughed about it. It was boring and depressing all at once.

  10. Matt McGovern says:

    I love it when you guys talk about this time period. Crappiest stuff ever.

  11. Mister Forth says:

    He looks like John Goodman.

  12. whorefinder says:

    Every time I see Kevin Nash, I just get depressed. He always seems so bored with whatever he’s doing, it gets me down. It’s like he can’t even be bothered with kayfabe and he thinks everyone into wrestling is a loser. It’s like watching a porno where the actress is faking her moans so badly you can’t pretend to enjoy it, and she’s got a look on her face that says she’s high as a kite and a million miles away.

    • Guest says:

      I didn’t know being laid back (and occasionally drunk) was the same as being bored.

      If you wanna see what Kevin looks like when he’s excited you can go watch that promo he did for Scott Levy’s match against Johnny B. Badd when he couldn’t name all the casinos in Vegas. Or that one from Wrestlemania when he went from calm to excited in a 2 seconds.

      And if you don’t care about him not caring about kayfabe there’s always that one episode of Thunder when he was at the commentary desk.

      • whorefinder says:

        If he cared about the product and his own professionalism, would he be drunk and acting so low energy?

        And the fact that he didn’t care about kayfabe when he was supposed to be in kayfabe really just underscores my point: the man was just bored by his profession and contemptuous of the fans who paid his bills.

  13. Big Livin' says:

    Re: the half-face missing from the makeup…I think the problem here is that whatever adhesive they used to attach the prosthetic pieces didn’t stick, likely due to Nash’s goatee. It probably covered his chin up to the bottom lip originally, but as soon as he started talking it rolled down like that.

    Regardless, I was surprised no one pointed out that he looks like a giant Freddy Krueger in a bad rug.

  14. SDJones says:

    I thought Kev looked like Don Imus

  15. C Boz says:

    Wow. Check out Hall’s gut in the in-ring photo. Say hello to the flab guy!

    • DarthPitch says:

      The flab guy? Wasn’t that Da Blue Guy? Maybe Hall was trying to pay back the favor by parodying Meanie. Hey, if so, it’s no worse than Nash’s Vinnie Mac.

  16. Doc 902714 says:

    Nash’s impression of Vince McMahon was not the first one done on live tv of the chairman. In fact Road Dogg did it almost a year earlier on RAW (during a skit where DX mocked the Corporation) that was worse than Nash’s. The following other superstars have at one time or another Impersonated Vince McMahon on WWE TV

    1. Triple H
    2. Eric Bischoff
    3. Damien Sandow as Mr. McMahondow
    4. Charlie Haas
    5. Rob Bartlett whom I vaguely recall on an earlier episode of MNR

    Also I read somewhere that Duke the Dumpster Droese was known around the locker room to do a very good McMahon Impersonation

    • Dave says:

      The Dumpster had a lot of great impressions– I remember he did a string of them once on an episode of Mania. His Barry Horowitz was pretty spot-on. I think the guy missed his calling.

  17. Sean Bateman says:

    Still a better impersonation and makeup than Rikishi in drag and Bischoff as a priest combined

  18. CF says:

    Seeing Nash reading the newspaper, I keep hearing Chicago’s “You’re The Inspiration”…. (The video for that song infamously shows one of the band members not actually playing anything, but sitting on a stool reading a magazine — quite possibly the *least* inspiring* image for one of the most-boring songs ever written.)

    And I was always partial to AC Jazz, myself — ol’ Larry knew where the real game was…. 😉

  19. Chris the Bambikiller says:

    That was actually a pretty good Leatherface mask.

  20. Brad says:

    He looked just like Vince….you know…..if Vince grew a foot taller, and had sulfuric acid thrown in his face by a disgruntled former employee

  21. Mr. Alex says:

    I was actually at this Nitro and have no recollection of this at all . I was in the building for prime wrestlecrap and I don’t remember it at all. Sad.

  22. Geoff says:

    True dat

  23. Walter Kovacs says:

    Years later, Vince would have his revenge with his spot on Nash impression. Tearing both quads to not only nail Nash’s quad tear doing nothing, but also proving he’s the best by tearing both at once.

  24. Slapps says:

    WCW Liz was WAYYY hotter than WWF/E Liz.
    Give me black leather over flowery dress anyday.

  25. MistaMaddog says:

    Everyone on Nitro corpsing, send for the man!! (Yeah, that’s where it all started…)

  26. Doc75 says:

    I have to admit Kevin Nash did a very good Herman Munster impression……right? or am I way off on this one?

  27. Ze Frenchie says:

    Kevin Nash was tanked… just like the ratings had.

  28. Reagan B. Sprinkle says:

    Nash looked similar to Dan Aykroyd’s character from the 1991 movie “Nothing But Trouble”…
    (That may require a little web research from my fellow Crappers…)

  29. Mr Fuji says:

    I’ve been watching a lot of WCW from this era lately and I’ll be damned but it’s actually half entertaining. It’s better TV than present day RAW.

    Say what you will about Russo but at least he tried to give everyone something to do. Didn’t always work but everything had SOME kind of reason for happening, no matter how bad it was.

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