Induction: Inside Out — Triple H gets into a pickle

31 Submitted by on Thu, 08 May 2014, 20:00

WWE Films, 2011

A while ago I was browsing through Netflix when what should appear but “The Naked Man,” a 1998 movie about a wrestler with a “naked” gimmick starring Michael Rapaport. I immediately emailed RD and told him the big news: an obscure movie with “Wrestlecrap” written all over it.

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Imagine my disappointment, then, when I actually watched the thing and discovered that not only was it not terrible, but it was actually pretty good. For one thing, the main character wears a body suit inspired by anatomical diagrams, complete with muscles, bones, and internal organs; Naked Mideon could have used that gear years later. Aside from an insane murderous rampage at one of the house shows, it provides a pretty accurate depiction of the wrestling business. Plus, the whole thing is surreal and somewhat artsy, which shouldn’t be a surprise considering it was directed written by one of the Coen Brothers in between Fargo and The Big Lebowski. No, The Naked Man isn’t for everyone, but it’s also not crap, either.

It did get me curious about some of Michael Rapaport’s other films, though, and a search of his IMDB page yielded a 2011 crime drama called, “Inside Out,” which earned negative reviews. Alas, this was WrestleCrap and not MovieCrap, so unless, I don’t know, Shawn Michaels was busting heads in it…

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…eh, close enough.

inout03 This quickly-forgotten footnote in WWE history was overshadowed by another, somewhat similar Triple H vehicle, The Chaperone, which preceded it by seven months.
See, there are only so many genres WWE Films is able to pull off — movies about Marines… inout99
inout98 …movies about John Cena saving his kidnapped wife or girlfriend…
…movies about both… inout97
inout96 …movies about a kid wetting his pants and Randy Orton threatening to go to the papers about it (or so I gathered from the commercials)…
…and, for about a year, movies about Triple H getting out of prison and trying to fit back into family life. inout22.5
inout4 No joke: I spent the entire movie wondering what had happened to the scene where Hunter asks the prison guard the first thing people usually do when they get out of jail, and he answers, “Usually something stupid.” I assumed it had been cut from the final version, until about five minutes left in the movie, when I remembered that that line was from the trailer for “The Chaperone,” not “Inside Out.”
The fact that they both featured Trips on a bus certainly didn’t help, either. inout5
inout6 The movie revolves around Triple H’s character, the recently-released inmate Arlo “AJ” Jayne, who gets in touch with his old buddy Jack Small (Rapaport). Small is married to Hunter’s ex, Claire, and their daughter, Pepper [Author's note: 6 months later, I just noticed that I said Jack was married to his own daughter. Actually, he lives with her]. Triple H for some reason can’t figure out that the high-school-aged daughter of his girlfriend from 13 years prior is, in fact, his own daughter, even though any viewer with a first-grade understanding of arithmetic (and a fifth-grade understanding of reproduction) can see it coming. He’s probably just amused that she shares a name with Al Snow’s chihuahua.
By the way, I call him “Triple H” and not, “Arlo Jayne” because while watching, not for a second could I suspend my disbelief that the main character wasn’t Hunter Hearst Helmsley. The Game shows less emotional range in this entire film than in a typical promo, displaying approximately three emotions: cool and collected, slightly perturbed, and in physical pain.
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(And even then, there’s not a whole lot of difference among the three. Quick, try to guess what he’s doing in this scene. Give up? The correct answer is, “getting shot.”)

inout08 Michael Rapaport’s character tries to get Triple H back into the life of crime, this time through cigarette-smuggling, a safer alternative to drug-dealing that never hurt anyone.
Rapaport’s lines all seem to have been written by an automatic gritty-dialogue-generator. An automatic gritty-dialogue-generator that doesn’t understand how merry-go-rounds traditionally work on this planet. And which hasn’t been updated since the Bush administration. inout09
inout10 Rapaport’s dad, a cigarette-smuggling kingpin, moonlights as a vet and, if I’m not mistaken, The Count’s understudy on Sesame Street. Vic Small secretly thinks his own son is an idiot and would much rather have the more intelligent and competent Triple H take over the family business when he’s gone. You know, maybe I’ll stop being so critical of this movie; after all, for his first shot at ghostwriting a screenplay, this is pretty good for Hunter.
Oh, yeah, and there’s one more thing this movie revolves around: pickles. Triple H comes back from prison with not only a jar of pickles, but a secret recipe for great pickles that he hopes to make a living off now that he’s on the outside. Hunter keeps bringing up the pickles, and somehow always with a straight face. inout11
inout12 The only reason I can fathom for the pickle motif in this movie is that, as HHH explains, you have to wait a long time to get good pickles, even though he hates waiting. Perhaps the pickles represent his family? But even if that’s the case, couldn’t the writers have come up with a metaphor more, what’s the word, less stupid?
Actually, I can think of one other thing the pickles might symbolize, judging by Parker Posey deep-throating one in the kitchen. inout13
inout14 Anyway, on a routine cigarette deal with Pickle H in tow, Rapaport’s character waves a totally-unnecessary gun around and — would you believe his luck? — coughs on some whiskey and accidentally fires his pistol, shooting his customer in the stomach.
The guy is dead by the end of the scene, allowing Jack to take the 250 grand for himself and setting off the  chain of events that form this film’s plot. Yes, the whole movie, with all its ensuing bloodshed and felonies, hinges on a single inconvenient cough. Kind of makes you paranoid this allergy season, huh? inout15
inout16 After the cigarette buyer croaks, we find out he was an informant whose loot came from the IRS. We are introduced to a new character, a tax collector who has been investigating all those tax cheats smuggling cigarettes to avoid paying their fair share. If you’ve ever wondered what Irwin R. Schyster’s character would have gotten up to had he stuck around and continued evolving like The Undertaker, here’s a pretty good guess.
None of the other tax guys are interested, because, after all, cigarettes are legal (and none of them are familiar with the concept of tax evasion). You half-expect the IRS suits to tell her that she won’t be one of the cool kids unless she smokes. But the tax lady, who looks and sounds like Dixie Carter (right down to the wooden acting) insists that her operation is worth the effort. After all, cigarettes are killing her father. And Osama Bin Laden makes money off smuggled cigarettes! You know, speaking of the IRS, I’m starting to suspect this movie was made to double as a PSA and serve as a tax deduction. inout17
inout18 In an attempt to give characters a measure of emotional depth while killing two birds with one set, both the tax lady’s dad and Triple H’s mom are living at Bodhisattva Hospice, one of the best end-of-life-care facilities in Lousiana run by Buddhists and named for a Steely Dan song. I hear it ranks up there with The Reelin’ in the Years Home for the Dying in Shreveport.

Anyone?

Moving on.

 

To avoid the cops, Rapaport flees to his secret hideout shack, but not before running over a cop, which should look really bad for Triple H, who has a history of hiring goons to do that sort of thing. inout19
inout20 But if the cops knew the real Triple H, I mean, Arlo Jayne, they would know that he would never hurt a fly, except for that one guy he accidentally killed 13 years earlier, and even that was just to save his best friend’s life. I’m pretty sure I saw more complexity in Hunter’s character in just the trailer for The Chaperone than in this entire movie.
Come to think of it, for the ostensible main character, Hunter barely does anything in this movie, instead just habitually being in the wrong place at the wrong time while other characters kill each other. That, and disposing the occasional body. Isn’t that just the last thing you’d want a cop to find in your trunk? I mean, besides pickles. inout21
inout22.1 Despite being completely innocent and upstanding, Triple H has never met a gun he didn’t like… or at least shook hands with. Even though Hunter’s character is so blameless that he never ever actually fires a gun, that doesn’t stop him from handling every gun he ever stumbles across in the film — including those from multiple crime scenes — usually to eject the clip so no one gets hurt. It’s a good thing no cops ever dust those weapons, since in the 13 years Hunter has been in jail, the police have developed a sophisticated forensic technique called, “fingerprinting.”
inout22.2 inout22.3
inout22.4 inout22.6
Around this time, Vic’s female bodyguard manages to beat up the bartender who witnessed the informant’s death, then tie him up in record time with duct tape in comical fashion. By the way, wasn’t Batista originally slated to star in this movie? inout23
inout24 The bartender’s mother comes to the rescue in a scene that looks like it came from “Stop or My Mom Will Shoot” but was in fact shot for this non-comedy film. Oh, and she and her son get blown up anyway.
Meanwhile, with a homicide charge facing Rapaport, the dimwitted crime heir shoots himself a la Tim White, only successfully and on the first try. Nobody wants to have to bury their best friend, especially not Triple H. It’s like Badd Blood ’03 all over again!
inout25

(Though at least this lifeless corpse is easier to carry than Kevin Nash)

inout26 Hunter comes home to break the news to Claire, who lets it slip that, surprise, Pepper is his daughter, not his dead buddy’s. They immediately proceed to stage two of the grieving process, which is of course boning.

*Ahem*

Oh great, I just accidentally fired my gun during that editorial cough! There goes my monitor…

 

The next morning, Pepper comes home to find her dad’s ex-con friend in bed with her mom —
inout27

“No, it’s okay sweetie! Daddy offed himself!”

inout28 – but not before eating a delicious pickle.
Mom then explains aloud again to Triple H, with daughter listening secretly behind the door, that he is Pepper’s biological father before blaming him for being such a bad friend to Jack. Then she shoots him in the gut. Pretty loyal for a woman who commemorated her husband’s suicide by putting out that very night.

With his best friend.
 

In their marriage bed.
At this point, I should note that this film got the same PG-13 rating as The Chaperone.

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inout29 Jeez, there are still ten minutes left, and the main character is dead? But no! See, the exact wound that killed the chubby cigarette guy in seconds fails to level The Game, who bandages himself right damn up and drives back to his and Claire’s love nest.
Unbeknownst to him, however, Irena the bodyguard is hiding in the backseat waiting to kill off the last witnesses against Vic. inout95
inout30 Maybe if he had had his eyes open on the drive there, he might have noticed her.
When a wounded Hunter arrives at the shack by the swamp, he is greeted by Claire, who, after reading Jack’s suicide note clearing him of any and all wrongdoing and probably putting over his superior workrate in the bedroom, apologizes and rushes him into the house. Also in the house is Pepper, who has been a real good sport about finding out that her dad is dead, that Triple H is her real dad, and that her mom just tried to kill him, too. inout31
inout32 Hunter, for his part, is also a really good sport about the whole shooting thing from five minutes earlier in the movie, marking the cinema’s quickest-forgiven attempted murder since The Room. With that kind of Christ-like cheek-turning, it’s no wonder he calls himself the King of Kings.
Hunter then sees in his car a sign saying, “Ka-Boom!”, which is either some tasteless viral marketing for the old Billy Mays cleaning product, or Irena’s calling card. inout33
inout34 Evil or not, you’ve got to admire the woman’s skill with explosives; she had just seen the house for the first time, and not two minutes later, she had already gotten it rigged up to explode!
Irena then tries to kill Hunter by hand, but is thwarted by a bullet to the back by Pepper. The family is safe, but more importantly, Hunter is able to keep intact his Batman-like record of zero gun shots while celebrating his offspring’s first kill. inout35
inout36 Oh yeah, and they keep the stolen 250 grand in cash (presumably to build a new life around fermented cucumbers), which won’t get them into any trouble, unless the IRS or the cops ever decide to track down the missing money, in which case they’ll be the number one suspects.

 

All in all, while this movie isn’t quite as ghastly as Jim Cornette’s clothes

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…it’s clearly not that damn good, either.

On a scale of one to ten, I’ll give it…

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…about one year before it slips into total obscurity once this Pixar movie comes out.

Written by

A wrestling fan ever since the days of Wrestlemania IX, Art graduated from college in the same building where Art Donovan called King of the Ring 1994. He currently runs the "How Much Does This Guy Weigh?" blog, where he reviews New Generation-Era Monday Night Raws and Hasbro WWF figures. Email at: art@wrestlecrap.com
31 Responses to "Induction: Inside Out — Triple H gets into a pickle"
  1. Raging_Demons says:

    I used to do movie spoilers for WWE movies because I didn’t want anybody to feel the pain that WWE produces these crap-pile of movies. Did it from “See No Evil” all the way to “That’s What I Am” & I can say for a matter of doubt I was self-torturing myself watching that god awful crap.

    WWE owes me at least $100 & an episode of the cancelled Joss Whedon show “Dollhouse” for the pain that I went through. I want to say thanks Art for doing this movie because if I watched this I think that might had pushed me over the edge.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Awesome induction.

  3. James says:

    Irena was cool… That’s all I got.

  4. Peter says:

    WWE Studios movies are some of the worst things ever made, so I respect the fact that you made it through and reviewed it.

    • E-Squared8 says:

      You obviously have not seen anything from Asylum, have you?

      Personally, there are some decent movies that WWE Studios have distributed. The Call, Dead Man Down, The Day and Oculus are some that spring to mind, but they didn’t exactly produce those movies.

      I actually enjoyed 12 Rounds as well.

      • Combsy says:

        I wouldn’t really compare WWE Films to Asylum. Mostly because Asylum’s movies are made specifically to be crap because they want to try to make the next big “So bad it’s good” Movie, while WWE at least attempts to make good movies & just fail at it most of the time (with a few exceptions which you already mentioned)

  5. Cameron A. says:

    If there’s a sequel, I hope Arlo Jayne and his family will settle their problems with Chris-Chan.

  6. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    Say, does anyone remember Slim Goodbody? http://www.slimgoodbody.com

    • Sir Cheese says:

      Slim Goodbody is the first thing that came to mind when I read the first part of this induction. I’m glad someone else remembers that too!

  7. Toom E Guci says:

    I actually just watched That’s What I Am last night starring Randy Orton.

    The movie was about an hour & forty-five minutes long.

    Randy Orton’s part in the movie? About 5 minutes long.

    The plot used for Orton in the movie…HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE MOVIE!!!! Wasn’t even the focal point of the movie.

    It was a very, VERY minor part of the movie that was pointless & could have been placed on the cutting room floor & the movie still would have been 90 minutes long.

  8. Raven7309 says:

    “Pickle H”??!! “BRILLIANT!!!” :-D
    Cigarette smuggling- Dino Bravo: That’s cold, man. :-(

  9. Andre R. says:

    Wow, that Dino Bravo reference was a blast from the past. I remember when I found out that he had been killed in a mob hit, cuz as it turned out, he had connections to organized crime in Canada. The only match I really remember him from was against Ronnie Garvin at WM 5. And that’s it!

  10. Vealchop says:

    Pickle H should be his new Wrestlecrap name.

    Also nice Dino Bravo reference.

  11. PenguinDeluxe says:

    Hate to be this guy, but I’d be a terrible film student if I didn’t. The Naked Man was NOT directed by either one of the Coen Brothers. It was co-written by Ethan Coen with J. Todd Anderson. Anderson also directed the film. He also has served as a storyboard artist for many of the Coen’s films and was actually the dead guy in the field in Fargo. So it makes sense for it to feel like a Coen Brothers film with Ethan co-writing and Anderson having worked with them, but it was not Coen directed.

  12. Toxic says:

    Fun induction! I’ve seen a bunch of WWE movies (including the pretty good Dead Man Down and No One Lives) but sadly Inside Out never got distribution here, not even on DVD :(

    Btw, Naked Man was simply written by one of the Coens, and directed by the guy who normally does their storyboards.

  13. Thomas Moffatt says:

    Idea for Wrestlecrap contest – create your own Triple H movie – my idea is a comedy revolving around Triple H and his Search For Shawn Michaels; boring wrestler Triple H is feuding with young upstarts legacy, outnumbered he needs a tag team partner. This partner is Shawn Michaels who having recently had one of the greatest matches in Wrestlemania is now working as a cook in a cafeteria at an office block. Completely fail to laugh or even smile at their lame antics as Triple H tries to coerce his best friend back to the ring. Starring Triple H as himself, Shawn Michaels as himself, Waylon Smithers as the gay guy, Michael Cole as the Horrid Little Girl, John Cena as First the Worst, The Miz as Second the Best, Stephanie “Nipple H” McMahon as Third the Dirty Donkey Mess and Vincent K McMahon as the evil office block owner, Dixon Carter… rating: 0 out of 10

  14. David Lee Ross Geller says:

    Around the time it came out, Triple H made no bones about it in several interviews (including the two below) that he didn’t really want to even do Inside Out but ended up starring in it because Batista’s (who was supposed to star) contract was running out and he wasn’t going to resign and the movie wouldn’t come out after Batista left the company.

    Triple H is bad enough in this movie, but imagine seeing Batista in this crap?

    http://espn.go.com/espn/page2/index?id=6948049
    http://www.craveonline.com/film/articles/173940-triple-h-on-inside-out

    • Thomas Moffatt says:

      Did he admit to wanting to do The Chaperone? Surprised it has Kevin Corrigan in it who starred in Buffalo 66

      • David Lee Ross Geller says:

        “Did he admit to wanting to do The Chaperone?”

        I remember him being much more positive about that one in interviews. Here are two examples:
        http://www.ign.com/articles/2011/02/17/triple-h-is-the-chaperone
        http://www.comingsoon.net/news/movienews.php?id=74096

        Around the time Blade: Trinity came out he did Howard Stern and I remember him talking about how much he’d like to keep acting. It’s funny how his outlook changed:

        Promoting Blade Trinity: “I loved doing Blade: Trinity! I’m open to doing more movies!”
        Promoting The Chaperone: “Doing The Chaperone was fun! I’d be interested in doing more movies if the right project came along!”
        Promoting Inside Out: “I only did it because Batista wouldn’t resign. I really don’t see me acting ever again.”

  15. Thomas Moffatt says:

    For a minute there I thought that Blade was of the Braxton variety…

  16. Mister Forth says:

    I would make a joke related to this induction, but everything’s all here. Good job.

  17. Mr. Glen says:

    We have gotten some movie crap this week. When do we get the infamous Abyss/Hogan magic HOF ring induction? Don’t wait ten plus years to induct that sucker like the ‘Crap did with Master P and the No Limit Soldiers!

  18. Sean Bateman says:

    When is the Drew Carey Show episode when Me. Stephanie guest stars?

  19. Sean Bateman says:

    That movie was pure crap!

  20. Alan says:

    I’ve never watched this movie, however, this Induction was hilarious! Pickle H was brilliant, and the Dino Bravo reference was dark comedy at its best. I actually like “The Marine”, “12 Rounds”, “Knucklehead”, “Legendary”, and “The Chaperone”. The worst WWE Films releases have to be “Barricade” and “The Call”, which is decent until the third act destroys the entire ending of the film.

  21. Down With OPC says:

    Michael Rapaport was also in The War at Home.

  22. Are? says:

    “Small is married to Hunter’s ex, Claire, and their daughter, Pepper.”

    Wait, what?

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