Classic Induction: The Nasty Boys Invade a Science Center

5 Submitted by on Tue, 27 May 2014, 15:00

WCW, 1995 

I admit it: I screwed up.

In the middle of working on the editing of the new WrestleCrap Celebrity Roast DVD (which comes with the 2010 WrestleCrap Archive Discs FREE – preorder it here!), I ignored my email completely for over a week. In doing so, I missed this email from Triple Kelly:

“Hey Deal!

How is everything? I hope you’re doing well.

Anything special you want me to write about this week?

-Kelly”

So I missed that one. I also missed this one a couple days after that:

“Hey Deal!

How is everything? I hope you’re doing well.

Anything special you want me to write about this week?

-Kelly

PS – You better not be ignoring your email.”

Ok, so I just put that PS in myself.

But yeah, I screwed up, and realized at the 11th hour (ok, actually it was about 4pm this afternoon) that I hadn’t heard from Kx3 this week, and therefore, it was up to me to do an induction this week. The question, of course, is what was there that I could write about that didn’t require a ton of research, didn’t span six months, and most importantly, I could slap out in 2-3 hours?

Back to the inbox!

“RD,

Have you ever seen the bit where the Nasty Boys go to the Maryland Science Center? This just begs for an induction.

-Paul”

Ah, Paul. Sweet, mysterious, always there for me Paul. I had more or less forgotten about this lost gem, and rest assured, it is the very definition of Crap.

Crap that doesn’t require a ton of research, span six months, and that I can slap out in 2-3 hours.

Let’s visit the Maryland Science Center with the Nasty Boys, shall we?!

And yep, there’s our heroes, Brian Knobbs and Jerry Saggs, hanging out on the harbor in Baltimore, Maryland. Why?

Knobbs explains the only way he knows how: by YELLING at us.

Seriously, he has to be the only person on the planet that ‘relaxes’ by screaming at the top of his lungs.

Sure enough, we’re treated to clips of toy trains, carousels, and Rube Goldberg marble machines.

You know, in case someone didn’t believe the Nasty Boys were actually going to a science center.

Someone like me, who still, 15 years after seeing it for the first time, doesn’t believe it.

I mean, really, was there nothing Turner could fill up those spare six minutes of the Superbrawl 5 VHS with?

NOTHING?!

What am I saying?

Truly there could be nothing better to fill up that tape than Brian Knobbs helping children build a LEGO CASTLE.

And it’s historic, because for the first time in history, he’s NOT yelling.

Booooo! I wanted to see him getting in the faces of these punks, telling them to never put a four-peg Lego on top of two three-peg Legos.

At least not unless they had one extra two-peg Lego to make the block completely even.

That would have RULED.

Having said all that, his telling the children to build his “nasty castle” just seemed wrong.

Like he was asking them to join him in a Dutch Oven or something.

(And if you don’t get that joke, please don’t Google it.)

To the next room we go, as Knobbs and Saggs are joined by a museum worker who appears to be a young George Lucas. Sadly, we don’t get a discussion amongst the three regarding who the best bounty hunter not named “Boba Fett” was in The Empire Strikes Back. My money would have had Saggs picking IG-88.

Instead, Knobbs walks up and puts his hands on two big balls.

Ah, jokes a plenty to be made there, but I’ll supress my Braxton-esque tendencies and get back to why we’re here: to explore the WONDERS OF SCIENCE.

See, these aren’t just two any balls – they are balls that will make your hair go up on end thanks to the miracle of STATIC ELECTRICITY!

That’s all well and good, of course, but since Knobbs has a MOHAWK, it makes absolutely zero difference in his coiff.

Oh well.

Soon enough we leave the Children’s Museum and head over to the aquarium.

The combination of Knobbs, Saggs, and various aquatic sealife sure sounds like a recipe for fun to me!

But the chicanery can’t begin quite yet, as Knobbs somehow loses Saggs and spends the next three minutes yelling at patrons, asking them if they’ve seen a “big fat guy with a mohawk.”

Bobby Heenan (who would have no doubt quipped, “Go look in a mirror”) is nowhere to be found, but an aquarium worker who appears to be CAROL CHANNING is there to help.

If she breaks into “Hello, Dolly” this will be the single greatest six minutes in the history of recorded theater.

We get no singing (dammit!), but we do get Knobbs playing with a giant crab of some sort, as well as a…there’s no nice way to put this…chocolate starfish.

Speaking of jokes being righ there, even Knobbs has a hard time not busting that one off.

Amazing restraint you showed there, Bri.

Carol leads Knobbs to the Rainforest area of the place next. He talks about how it’s hot, which means it’s nasty.

I don’t get that connection, but to be fair, Carol didn’t either, and she promptly blows him off and leads him to…

…a wacky splash machine that is activated by pumping up and down on a handle.

The highlight here would be the small kid who Knobs was pumping (WITH! WITH!), looking completely horrified when he went for the high five.

Right there with ya, kid!

Our two heroes finally find each other at the Dolphin Show.

“The Dolphin show’s about to start, we’re together…let’s watch it!” cries Knobbs.

Then they both start laughing uproariously.

Maybe they think the dolphins are going to be eaten by sharks.

That would make me laugh.

How about you?

So yeah, we get dolphins jumping out the water…

…’walking’ backwards…

…and being petted by the Nasty Boys.

Of course, all these wonders of nature pail in comparison to the greatest wonder of them all…

BRIAN KNOBBS SMILING.

God bless the guy and all, but there’s something quite unsettling about that image.

The Boys celebrate their time with the beautiful sea creatures by devouring some of them…

…with Knobbs doing so while contemplating the mysteries of life.

And now I too shall contemplate the mysteries of life.

Such as why I forgot to check my email, which forced me to watch this again.


Got this email from a fellow Crapper regaring this induction, thought it would be interesting to add it here!

I’ve been a fan of Wrestlecrap for coming up on six years. Usually your inductions are spot on but I have a slight beef with the Nasty Boys induction.

Back in the mid-90s, I was dealing with a chronic illness and spent many weeks in the adolescent ward of a children’s hospital. Most days were dull but now and then visitors came around to brighten things up. It was usually zoo employees with an unusual animal or local hockey or football players. They were okay but quickly became routine.

One day, however, a patient care liaison informed me that a couple professional wrestlers would be visiting that afternoon. I was your typical mark of about 19 years old, so I was pretty excited. My mind reeled with the idea of seeing the Undertaker, Lex Luger, Bret Hart or Randy Savage. I was pretty stoked. When the wrestlers finally showed up, I admit I was disappointed to find it was only Marty Saggs and Brian Nobbs. At least they’d come dressed in full Nasty Boys gear so the less informed might have a clue who they were.

But my dismay ended within 90 seconds. The Nasty Boys seemed downright thrilled to be there. The smiles on their faces were wider than their skulls, and they hammed it up for all the kids. Pretend chokeholds were given, piggyback rides carried out in races down the corridors. They played foosball and Tetris with as many as they could and did their best to make sure everyone got a chance who wanted one. Even after the cameras were turned off and the local press satisfied, the pair continued to frolic and have the time of their lives, for over two hours past the obligatory photo opportunities. I watched as they asked the nurses which patients weren’t able to leave their beds or rooms, and they made sure those few got to be entertained also. They even donned the proper gowns and masks when necessary; no child was left behind. Autographs were handed out a-plenty, and a couple lucky kids were even given the Boy’s trademark sunglasses, Bret-Hart style.

My point is that the Nasty Boys were genuinely glad to be there. They relished in bringing happiness to the kids. They knew they weren’t the biggest stars in the WCW or WWF, but they didn’t care. I’ve since had the opportunity to meet other WWE stars at charity events, as a spokesman for my illness, but have been saddened to find that none have possessed the same joie de vive and generosity that Saggs and Nobbs showed that one winter afternoon. The others stars’ eyes wander, they yawn and they barely seem to care that the children are thrilled to have such a well-known person in the room. The Nasty Boys were anything BUT nasty.

So, as I read the induction for the Nasty Boys’ visit to the Maryland Science Center, I was reminded of the day they came to the hospital and gushed enthusiasm. Sure, as a fluff piece on a wrestling show, it’s a little light and does nothing to drive forward plotlines. But I saw the photos and the description and I realized that there were kids presents at the science center, and the Nasty Boys genuinely loved children. It may not be wrestling at its core but I like to think that showing those two, entertaining youngsters and loving it, is nevertheless important for fans to see. The Nasty Boys gave back and it’s comforting to know that not all wrestling superstars are arrogant piles of crap. That was the purpose of that particular piece.

To me, it’s not crap. It’s showing the good work that a pair of dedicated wrestlers were happy to do for the community. Having experienced it myself from the same duo, I know their smiles are genuine and I enjoy seeing small pieces illustrating the joy that is given to the youngest fans by the few wrestlers who sincerely care to do so.

From the perspective that loves hardcore wrestling, sure, it’s a lighthearted segment and I can see why you’d consider if for induction. I just ask that you not bash such things too heavily in the future, as it puts a sour aftertaste on an otherwise sweet memory.

Otherwise, keep up the excellent inductions!

Until Mickie James receives her due return, and forever a Crapper,

Al G.

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Yeah, you know...the WrestleCrap guy. Been here since before day 1, I have. You can hang out with me on Facebook. (I'm on there quite a bit) or follow my exploits on Twitter (I'm on there not quite so often). Thanks, and Keep on Crappin'!
5 Responses to "Classic Induction: The Nasty Boys Invade a Science Center"
  1. Wrestlecrap's Janitor says:

    I have to admit that I loved the Nasty Boys back then. They were so funny and the Headbangers basically aped part of their gimmicks.

    Who wants to visit Pitty City?

  2. Art0Donnell says:

    With the Ravens’ Super Bowl victory and now this induction, it is a great week for the city of Baltimore.

  3. Peter says:

    I agree with the janitor, I loved the Nasty Boys as a kid too. Their feud with Harlem Heat and the Blue Bloods was the best tag team action at that time. I missed out on the 80s WWF, I didn’t start watching wrestling until 1994, so when Hogan and friends came over to WCW it was all new to me.

  4. Anonymous says:

    The guy complaining in the e-mail is full of it. It’s a fun segment, but it’s definitely wrestlecrap.

    • Tom Gibbon says:

      Did you even read what he said properly? He wasn’t debating that it was a bit silly. He was questioning the tone RD had that it was insincere and stupid, and pointing out from his own experience of being on the receiving end of the Nasty Boys’ kindness that it was probably genuine. I think it was justified to say this, given RD almost went as far as to say they came across as child molesters with terrifying rapist expressions.

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