Category Archives: Headlies

The latest pro graps newz you won’t get anywhere else. Because it probably isn’t true. Probably.

Headlies: WWE Signs Entire New Jersey RAW Crowd To Developmental Deal

5 Submitted by on Wed, 17 April 2013, 10:22
  Newark, NJ – Following the lively participation from the crowd the Monday following WrestleMania at RAW, WWE has decided to give the entire audience a developmental contract. “That crowd was absolutely electric!” exclaimed a pleased Stephanie McMahon. “They were dancing, chanting, and buying lots and lots of overpriced championship belts. They were all anyone could talk about after the Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Sheamus Reveals He Is Actually From Dublin, Ohio

10 Submitted by on Wed, 10 April 2013, 02:03
  Washington, DC – During a backstage interview with Matt Striker, The Celtic Warrior Sheamus broke character and revealed that he is not actually from Dublin, Ireland. The interview, meant to hype Sheamus’s 6-man tag team match against The Shield at Wrestlemania, started out as planned. When asked by Striker about how he plans to defeat The Shield, Sheamus, in Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Fan Utterly Disappointed With Build To Wrestlemania Still Excited To Be Going

6 Submitted by on Sat, 06 April 2013, 19:13
Marlboro, NJ – Lifetime wrestling fan and proud “smark” Julian Dimagiba, despite having spent the last few weeks complaining about the build for Wrestlemania, is still completely excited to be going to the event. Dimagiba, the bassist for the band Young Rising Sons and self-described “Master of Ceremonies”, has been taking to Facebook, Twitter, Tout, and various other social media Continue Reading...
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Headlies: THE HARDCORE FANS DEMANDED IT: KEVIN THORN, BIG DADDY V TO HEADLINE NEXT ECW REUNION SHOW / WWE RUMORED TO BE BUILDING DEATH STAR / VETERANS WORRY THAT IMPRESSIONABLE EVAN BOURNE MIGHT HAVE JOINED A GANG

3 Submitted by on Sun, 31 March 2013, 12:24
Text by Justin Henry and Sean Carless; Photoshoppery by Sean Carless and RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here; Check out Sean on Facebook here and his website here THE HARDCORE FANS DEMANDED IT: KEVIN THORN, BIG DADDY V TO HEADLINE NEXT ECW REUNION SHOW By Justin Henry Philadelphia, PA – “I MISS ECW!” Cries from that vein, or similar, coarse through the internet wrestling community. Since ECW Continue Reading...
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Headlies: The Great Khali Set To Become The New “Nature Boy”

8 Submitted by on Wed, 20 March 2013, 10:30
  Pittsburgh, PA – Seeking a fresh start after languishing in WWE’s mid-card for several months, The Great Khali will be taking the ‘Nature Boy’ name and persona. To prepare for the new gimmick, Ric Flair has taken Khali under his wing. “Let me tell you something, brother, with my help, he’ll be known as ‘The Greatest Khali!” screamed an Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Undertaker To Challenge For The Divas Title At Wrestlemania

4 Submitted by on Wed, 13 March 2013, 09:10
  Indianapolis, IN – Returning WWE superstar The Undertaker shocked the world this past Monday by challenging Kaitlyn for the Divas title at Wrestlemania. Many believed it was a forgone conclusion that Undertaker would take on CM Punk, but the Dead Man insisted on fighting for the woman’s championship. “It’s a matter of personal pride,” said Undertaker. “I’ve won the Continue Reading...
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Headlies: George Wells Still Jobbin’ & Frothin’ on the Indy Circuit

0 Submitted by on Sun, 10 March 2013, 10:00
  Recently, WCNewz caught up with an accomplished pro wrestler who held titles in nearly every North American territory in the late 1970’s & 1980’s: George Wells. However, Wells, who also played in the Canadian Football League, isn’t known for being the Southeastern Championship Wrestling Champion or co-holder of 4 Tag-Team Titles in his career. Instead, he’s best known for losing Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Lex Luger Still Mostly Unliked

15 Submitted by on Fri, 08 March 2013, 10:20
  Despite recovering from a spinal stroke that left him temporarily paralyzed, working tirelessly for multiple charities and giving his time & advice to young wrestlers through WWE’s Wellness Policy Program, most fans still think of Lex Luger in far from favorable terms.  Be it the steroids he injected or alleged mistreatment he gave Miss Elizabeth during their brief, tumultuous Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Mr. Wonderful Regrets Not Choosing Mr. Perfect Nickname

3 Submitted by on Wed, 06 March 2013, 11:00
  In a recent WCNewz interview at his home in Fayetteville, Georgia, Paul Orndorff expressed regret that he had chosen Mr. Wonderful as his in-ring nickname, rather than the more promising Mr. Perfect. “I had 4 years on Curt,” Mr. Orndorff lamented. “I should have taken my time. Back then, when you chose a name, it stuck.” Though Mr. Wonderful had Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Randy Orton Sponsored By Nyquil

6 Submitted by on Tue, 05 March 2013, 10:15
  Stamford, CT – World Wrestling Entertainment and multinational consumer goods company Procter & Gamble are proud to announce a new deal between the two companies. Unlike previous joint business deals between the two companies, this latest partnership will see superstar Randy Orton sponsored by the over-the-counter medication NyQuil. Orton, a former 6 time WWE Championship holder and star of Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Prisoners of Cobb County, GA Jail Fear Big Boss Man’s Ghost

6 Submitted by on Tue, 26 February 2013, 10:00
Since September of 2004, prisoners in the Cobb County, Georgia Jail have had a difficult time eating, sleeping & serving their hard time. Though the guards disagree over why, the prisoners are quite sure as to the cause of their collective insomnia & other troubles: a spectre they have dubbed The Big Boss Man’s Ghost. “He still makes you walk Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Exclusive WCNewz Report: Jerry Lawler in Your Daughter’s Closet

1 Submitted by on Sat, 23 February 2013, 09:00
  Memphis, TN – Jerry “The King” Lawler – long-known for his affection toward younger women & their “sweater puppies” – is in your teenage daughter’s closet. “Sshhh!” Jerry shushed our reporter while hunkering down inside 18-year-old Cyndi Myers walk-in closet. “I think she’s about to do it!” Lawler whispered into his unconnected mouthpiece, referring to an undressing that never Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Curry Man Revealed As The Leader Of Aces & Eights

9 Submitted by on Fri, 22 February 2013, 09:00
  Orlando, FL – After months of speculation, the leader of the masked group known as Aces & Eights has been revealed to be none other than former TNA wrestler, Curry Man. Believed to have been released from TNA years ago, Curry Man has quietly been amassing the powerful group stable for some time. Following the 5-star classic “Fish Market Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Alex Riley Turns Heel, Repackaged as Evil Pimp from Pat Benatar’s “Love is a Battlefield” Video

3 Submitted by on Thu, 21 February 2013, 21:59
  Stamford, CT – Following a several month absence from WWE television, Alex Riley returned at tonight’s Smackdown tapings, defeating Zack Ryder via pinfall.  However, the old happy go lucky Riley was gone, replaced by a heel few fans recognized. Unless they watched a lot of MTV in the 1980′s, in which case they’d readily recognize his new persona: that Continue Reading...
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Headlies: One Man Gang Takes on Eight Man Gang, Loses

1 Submitted by on Thu, 21 February 2013, 10:00
  George Gray, known to wrestling fans world wide as The One Man Gang, is in critical condition tonight at a Chicago hospital following a gangland style beating.   Nurse Betty Jones, who spoke with us on the condition of anonymity, told our reporter: “I don’t know what would make One Man, regardless of his size, think he could take on Continue Reading...
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Headlies: S.D. Jones is Outside, Trying to Make a Special Delivery

2 Submitted by on Tue, 19 February 2013, 09:00
  Topeka, KS – WCNewz has learned that “Special Delivery” Jones is outside someone’s door right now with a Special Delivery. “I’m from WHS (We Haul Stuff) Delivery Services,” Mr. Jones said loudly, knocking on the wooden shack’s cork-board door. “SD” – well-known for a 9-second loss at the inaugural Wrestlemania against King Kong Bundy – was once a popular Continue Reading...
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Headlies: King Kong Bundy Finally Admits to Killing Midget at WM3

2 Submitted by on Sat, 16 February 2013, 12:00
  King Kong Bundy has finally ended over 25 years of speculation in an exclusive WCNewz interview, stating emphatically that he is responsible for killing midget-wrestler Little Beaver via bodyslam, followed by a “big elbow” in 1987. Bundy (known as a “walking condominium”) told our reporter: “Yeah. He died of emphysema in 1995. ‘Cause I squished the air right out of Continue Reading...
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Headlies: The Barbarian Doesn’t Recall Starring in Conan Movie

3 Submitted by on Wed, 13 February 2013, 10:00
  In a recent interview with WCNewz, The Barbarian (one-half of the WWE “The Powers of Pain” tag-team) admits that he has no recollection of starring in, or even being on the set of, the 1982 Conan movie that shares his name. “It’s about my life?” The Barbarian asked WCNewz. “That depends on quite a bit,” our reporter responded. When Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Iron Sheik Unsure How to Humble Anyone Anymore

2 Submitted by on Fri, 08 February 2013, 10:00
  Citing his declining health (bad hips have forced him into a wheelchair when traveling) and mostly incoherent mental state, The Iron Sheik told WCNewz reporters that he’s unsure of how to humble anyone anymore. “I jus’ not sure,” he said. “I think it hurts & is meant as degrading thing when I humble or threaten to humble someone or Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Gene Okerlund Tired of Unfair Moniker

4 Submitted by on Wed, 06 February 2013, 09:32
“I’m actually a pretty nice guy,” ‘Mean’ Gene Okerlund said in an exclusive interview with WCNewz. “I don’t know what else to say beyond that. You try to live right, do positive things, help people and this is still how they see you,” he said. A teary-eyed Okerlund suddenly ended the interview by knocking over a chair & exiting the Continue Reading...
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Headlies: El Generico To Be Repackaged With Exciting New Persona

8 Submitted by on Tue, 05 February 2013, 10:00
  Stamford, CT – Following his signing with WWE, independent wrestling superstar El Generico will be repackaged with a new, exciting persona. “El Generico as a character is just too boring for today’s market,” said WWE CEO Vince McMahon. “The WWE Universe will only get behind someone that they can believe in. They need something with more pizazz, something that Continue Reading...
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Headlies: WWE Pondering Producing Dead Puppy Bowl

6 Submitted by on Sat, 02 February 2013, 20:00
  With the Super Bowl just hours away, rumors have begun circulating that Vince McMahon had plans to once again compete with a league of his own. We’ve learned that while this is in fact true, information has come about that suggests there were no plans to rekindle the XFL.  What the company had in mind was something far more Continue Reading...
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Headlies: 56 Year Old Man Can’t Believe Zack Ryder Isn’t Being Pushed

3 Submitted by on Fri, 01 February 2013, 09:00
Cedar Rapids, IA – Phil Samuelsson, a 56 year old Systems Analyst for QuantComm International, could not believe that WWE Superstar Zack Ryder is not receiving a push. The middle-age father of three expressed his feelings of disappointment and annoyance over the fact that, despite Ryder’s internet popularity, he is rarely on television and not in line for the WWE Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Tatanka To Open New BW3 Location, Serve Actual Buffalo

2 Submitted by on Wed, 30 January 2013, 11:00
A new Buffalo Wild Wings restaurant is set to open in Pembroke, North Carolina, but there’s been a bit of a hot and spicy controversy brewing between the company and the owner of the would be franchise. Christopher Chavis, better known to wrestling fans as “Tatanka”, is the franchise owner in question who was excited about the venture at first, Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Fan Demands Refund After Watching Illegal Stream Of Royal Rumble

5 Submitted by on Tue, 29 January 2013, 12:00
  Chicago, Illinois – Avid wrestling fan Dan DeAmonte demanded a refund from WWE following the Royal Rumble pay-per-view despite watching it via an illegal stream online. “I’ve been watching WWE for almost all my life and I never miss a show” said the 29 year old Pizzeria Uno cook and self-described “smark”. “Sure, I don’t actually own a TV Continue Reading...
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Headlies: WrestleMania 29 Card Updated Post-Royal Rumble

18 Submitted by on Mon, 28 January 2013, 15:47
The WrestleMania 29 card has been officially updated after the tremendous Royal Rumble in Phoenix, Arizona on Sunday night. Let’s take a look at how the card shapes up after a superhuman performance by John Cena in winning the Royal Rumble match. WWE Championship Match John Cena vs. John Cena World Heavyweight Championship Match John Cena vs. John Cena Last Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Jeff Hardy Caught With 100 lbs of ICOPRO

4 Submitted by on Mon, 28 January 2013, 09:00
Charlotte, North Carolina – Current TNA champion Jeff Hardy was arrested Friday after being caught with 100 lbs of ICOPRO in the trunk of his car. Integrated Conditioning Program, or ICOPRO as it’s known on the streets, is a bodybuilding supplement popular amongst the World Bodybuilding Federation in the early 1990′s. “We noticed that the suspect was traveling at a Continue Reading...
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