Category Archives: Headlies

The latest pro graps newz you won’t get anywhere else. Because it probably isn’t true. Probably.

Headlies: Triple H Excited To Completely Ruin Bray Wyatt

17 Submitted by on Tue, 18 June 2013, 10:00
Greenwich, CT – WWE Superstar and COO Triple H has been awake for hours, unable to sleep due to his excitement over totally ruining up-and-coming wrestler Bray Wyatt. Bray Wyatt and the Wyatt Family have been appearing in vignettes for the past few weeks on WWE television to rave reviews from fans and those in the business. Seeing the positive Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Teddy Long Makes Breakfast

12 Submitted by on Thu, 13 June 2013, 10:00
Houston, TX – Early Saturday morning, WWE Smackdown Senior Advisor Teddy Long decided to make himself a hearty breakfast featuring a wide variety of foods. A velvet robe-clad Long entered the kitchen and began taking pots, pans, bowls, and various kitchen utensils out of the cabinets. While he normally settles on something quick and easy for breakfast, Long decided to Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Damien Sandow Challenges Sheamus To A Game of Jenga

12 Submitted by on Fri, 07 June 2013, 12:30
Long Island, NY – WWE Smackdown, Damien Sandow, the intellectual savior of the masses, continued his literal mind games with Sheamus. Over the past few weeks, Sandow has been engaging the Celtic Warrior in a series of brain teasers and puzzles. During an in-ring segment in which he was joined by a large, covered object, Sandow revealed his latest challenge. Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Fan Remembers It’s Thursday, Still Doesn’t Watch TNA

12 Submitted by on Fri, 31 May 2013, 10:30
Pittsburgh, PA – At 9:18 pm yesterday, lifetime wrestling fan Robert Turcotte suddenly remembered that it was in fact Thursday night and that TNA Impact Wrestling was airing at that very moment. Despite his realization, Turcotte still managed to not watch the program. “I love wrestling. Always have, always will,” said the 33 year old Data Entry Specialist. “Whenever I Continue Reading...
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Headlies: RVD Utterly Confused By His Appearance On Raw

8 Submitted by on Mon, 27 May 2013, 07:00
Los Angeles, CA – Former WWE and TNA Superstar Rob Van Dam was utterly confused while watching the Paul Heyman segment on Monday Night Raw last week. When Paul Heyman revealed his newest client was the son of Mr. Perfect, Curt Axel, RVD stared at his television for several minutes in confused silence. After several years wrestling in TNA, many Continue Reading...
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Headlies: JTG Hiding From WWE Officials To Avoid Being Future Endeavored

15 Submitted by on Tue, 21 May 2013, 09:00
Kansas City, MO – Current WWE Superstar JTG has spent the past few days avoiding several WWE officials in an effort to keep his job with the company. Once one-half of the tag-team Cryme Tyme, the seldom-used wrestler has managed to stay on the company payroll despite lacking any sort of push or character growth. This past Friday saw several Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Konnan Set To Become The Newest Judge On American Idol

4 Submitted by on Wed, 15 May 2013, 10:00
San Diego, CA – Following the departure of longtime judge Randy Jackson, FOX and 19 Entertainment are proud to announce the addition of former WWE, WCW, TNA, and AAA wrestler Konnan to the judge’s table. The announcement came as a surprise to some in the pop culture world, but host Ryan Seacrest explained how Konnan fits in with the American Continue Reading...
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Headlies: “Ryback Rules” Explained

11 Submitted by on Sun, 12 May 2013, 14:53
  We’ve been hearing Ryback say it for weeks, but nobody has had the time or determination to hash out exactly what “Ryback Rules” really are. Fear not, for we have compiled the five most important. 1. Ryback is allowed to look like Kermit the Frog (see lack of, neck). 2. Ryback is allowed to skip dentist appointments (and does…alot). Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Sin Cara Literally Caught Up In The Lights

9 Submitted by on Fri, 10 May 2013, 10:00
Shreveport, LA – During a house show at the Hirsch Memorial Coliseum, WWE Superstar Sin Cara performed a high risk maneuver that saw him literally get caught up in the lights of the arena. The incident occurred about halfway through the show in match between Sin Cara and Drew McIntyre. Everything was going according to plan when Sin Cara attempted Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Batista Set To Debut In Elementary School Play

15 Submitted by on Tue, 07 May 2013, 10:00
Washington, DC – After a brief Mixed Martial Arts career and various minor movie roles, former WWE Superstar Dave Batista has decided to try his hand at stage acting. Rather than trying for Broadway, Batista will be enrolling in Mrs. Mullin’s third grade class at Janney Elementary school in Washington, DC. “After conquering the world of MMA with an undefeated Continue Reading...
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Headlies: WWE Forces Jerry Lawler to Shill For The Heart Attack Grill

20 Submitted by on Thu, 02 May 2013, 10:00
Las Vegas, NV – During a meeting of top WWE officials, Vince McMahon announced a new partnership with the Heart Attack Grill fast food restaurant. He also plans to have WWE Hall of Famer Jerry “The King” Lawler as their official spokesman. “It’s all about synergy!” said Vince McMahon. “Nothing says “Wrestling Entertainment” like fast food. Over the past few Continue Reading...
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Headlies: WWE Defends “Be A Star” Program After Bully Busick Matches Surface On Youtube

10 Submitted by on Mon, 29 April 2013, 10:00
Weirton, WV – WWE’s anti-bullying campaign program “Be A Star” has come under fire recently after videos on Youtube have surfaced showing that they once employed a wrestler by the name of “Big Bully Busick”. Decked out in a derby hat, cigar, and bushy handlebar mustache, Busick entered the World Wrestling Federation under the tutelage of manager Harvey Wippleman. Several Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Artist Jill Thompson Tired Of Making ‘Cool’ Designs For Wrestlers

1 Submitted by on Thu, 25 April 2013, 11:00
Chicago, IL- Artist Jill Thompson, who has designed ring gear and attire for both WWE Superstars Daniel Bryan and CM Punk, has stated that she no longer wants to make “cool” designs for professional wrestlers, Thompson, who is most famous for her work in the comics The Sandman, Wonder Woman, Swamp Thing, and her own series Scary Godmother, has grown Continue Reading...
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Headlies: WWE To Produce “Buddy Cop” Movie Starring CM Punk And Mark Henry

18 Submitted by on Tue, 23 April 2013, 10:00
Stamford, CT – During a meeting at Titan Towers, WWE CEO Vince McMahon announced plans to release a new movie under through WWE Studios that will turn the failing studio around. “I’ve got a great new idea for our next movie,” barked Mr. McMahon. “I watched a new movie called ‘Lethal Weapon’ last night on laser disc and thought it Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Ryback’s Insatiable Appetite Forces A Golden Corral Buffet To Close

17 Submitted by on Fri, 19 April 2013, 10:01
  Spartansburg, SC – Following his biting promo on this week’s Monday Night RAW in Greenville, South Carolina, WWE Superstar Ryback had a celebratory meal at a Golden Corral. Unfortunately for the restaurant, Ryback’s chant of “Feed me more!” proved disastrous to their bottom line, forcing them to close. “We were so excited to have a real celebratory eating dinner Continue Reading...
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Headlies: WWE Signs Entire New Jersey RAW Crowd To Developmental Deal

5 Submitted by on Wed, 17 April 2013, 10:22
  Newark, NJ – Following the lively participation from the crowd the Monday following WrestleMania at RAW, WWE has decided to give the entire audience a developmental contract. “That crowd was absolutely electric!” exclaimed a pleased Stephanie McMahon. “They were dancing, chanting, and buying lots and lots of overpriced championship belts. They were all anyone could talk about after the Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Sheamus Reveals He Is Actually From Dublin, Ohio

10 Submitted by on Wed, 10 April 2013, 02:03
  Washington, DC – During a backstage interview with Matt Striker, The Celtic Warrior Sheamus broke character and revealed that he is not actually from Dublin, Ireland. The interview, meant to hype Sheamus’s 6-man tag team match against The Shield at Wrestlemania, started out as planned. When asked by Striker about how he plans to defeat The Shield, Sheamus, in Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Fan Utterly Disappointed With Build To Wrestlemania Still Excited To Be Going

6 Submitted by on Sat, 06 April 2013, 19:13
Marlboro, NJ – Lifetime wrestling fan and proud “smark” Julian Dimagiba, despite having spent the last few weeks complaining about the build for Wrestlemania, is still completely excited to be going to the event. Dimagiba, the bassist for the band Young Rising Sons and self-described “Master of Ceremonies”, has been taking to Facebook, Twitter, Tout, and various other social media Continue Reading...
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Headlies: THE HARDCORE FANS DEMANDED IT: KEVIN THORN, BIG DADDY V TO HEADLINE NEXT ECW REUNION SHOW / WWE RUMORED TO BE BUILDING DEATH STAR / VETERANS WORRY THAT IMPRESSIONABLE EVAN BOURNE MIGHT HAVE JOINED A GANG

3 Submitted by on Sun, 31 March 2013, 12:24
Text by Justin Henry and Sean Carless; Photoshoppery by Sean Carless and RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here; Check out Sean on Facebook here and his website here THE HARDCORE FANS DEMANDED IT: KEVIN THORN, BIG DADDY V TO HEADLINE NEXT ECW REUNION SHOW By Justin Henry Philadelphia, PA – “I MISS ECW!” Cries from that vein, or similar, coarse through the internet wrestling community. Since ECW Continue Reading...
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Headlies: The Great Khali Set To Become The New “Nature Boy”

8 Submitted by on Wed, 20 March 2013, 10:30
  Pittsburgh, PA – Seeking a fresh start after languishing in WWE’s mid-card for several months, The Great Khali will be taking the ‘Nature Boy’ name and persona. To prepare for the new gimmick, Ric Flair has taken Khali under his wing. “Let me tell you something, brother, with my help, he’ll be known as ‘The Greatest Khali!” screamed an Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Undertaker To Challenge For The Divas Title At Wrestlemania

4 Submitted by on Wed, 13 March 2013, 09:10
  Indianapolis, IN – Returning WWE superstar The Undertaker shocked the world this past Monday by challenging Kaitlyn for the Divas title at Wrestlemania. Many believed it was a forgone conclusion that Undertaker would take on CM Punk, but the Dead Man insisted on fighting for the woman’s championship. “It’s a matter of personal pride,” said Undertaker. “I’ve won the Continue Reading...
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Headlies: George Wells Still Jobbin’ & Frothin’ on the Indy Circuit

0 Submitted by on Sun, 10 March 2013, 10:00
  Recently, WCNewz caught up with an accomplished pro wrestler who held titles in nearly every North American territory in the late 1970’s & 1980’s: George Wells. However, Wells, who also played in the Canadian Football League, isn’t known for being the Southeastern Championship Wrestling Champion or co-holder of 4 Tag-Team Titles in his career. Instead, he’s best known for losing Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Lex Luger Still Mostly Unliked

15 Submitted by on Fri, 08 March 2013, 10:20
  Despite recovering from a spinal stroke that left him temporarily paralyzed, working tirelessly for multiple charities and giving his time & advice to young wrestlers through WWE’s Wellness Policy Program, most fans still think of Lex Luger in far from favorable terms.  Be it the steroids he injected or alleged mistreatment he gave Miss Elizabeth during their brief, tumultuous Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Mr. Wonderful Regrets Not Choosing Mr. Perfect Nickname

3 Submitted by on Wed, 06 March 2013, 11:00
  In a recent WCNewz interview at his home in Fayetteville, Georgia, Paul Orndorff expressed regret that he had chosen Mr. Wonderful as his in-ring nickname, rather than the more promising Mr. Perfect. “I had 4 years on Curt,” Mr. Orndorff lamented. “I should have taken my time. Back then, when you chose a name, it stuck.” Though Mr. Wonderful had Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Randy Orton Sponsored By Nyquil

6 Submitted by on Tue, 05 March 2013, 10:15
  Stamford, CT – World Wrestling Entertainment and multinational consumer goods company Procter & Gamble are proud to announce a new deal between the two companies. Unlike previous joint business deals between the two companies, this latest partnership will see superstar Randy Orton sponsored by the over-the-counter medication NyQuil. Orton, a former 6 time WWE Championship holder and star of Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Prisoners of Cobb County, GA Jail Fear Big Boss Man’s Ghost

6 Submitted by on Tue, 26 February 2013, 10:00
Since September of 2004, prisoners in the Cobb County, Georgia Jail have had a difficult time eating, sleeping & serving their hard time. Though the guards disagree over why, the prisoners are quite sure as to the cause of their collective insomnia & other troubles: a spectre they have dubbed The Big Boss Man’s Ghost. “He still makes you walk Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Exclusive WCNewz Report: Jerry Lawler in Your Daughter’s Closet

1 Submitted by on Sat, 23 February 2013, 09:00
  Memphis, TN – Jerry “The King” Lawler – long-known for his affection toward younger women & their “sweater puppies” – is in your teenage daughter’s closet. “Sshhh!” Jerry shushed our reporter while hunkering down inside 18-year-old Cyndi Myers walk-in closet. “I think she’s about to do it!” Lawler whispered into his unconnected mouthpiece, referring to an undressing that never Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Curry Man Revealed As The Leader Of Aces & Eights

9 Submitted by on Fri, 22 February 2013, 09:00
  Orlando, FL – After months of speculation, the leader of the masked group known as Aces & Eights has been revealed to be none other than former TNA wrestler, Curry Man. Believed to have been released from TNA years ago, Curry Man has quietly been amassing the powerful group stable for some time. Following the 5-star classic “Fish Market Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Alex Riley Turns Heel, Repackaged as Evil Pimp from Pat Benatar’s “Love is a Battlefield” Video

3 Submitted by on Thu, 21 February 2013, 21:59
  Stamford, CT – Following a several month absence from WWE television, Alex Riley returned at tonight’s Smackdown tapings, defeating Zack Ryder via pinfall.  However, the old happy go lucky Riley was gone, replaced by a heel few fans recognized. Unless they watched a lot of MTV in the 1980′s, in which case they’d readily recognize his new persona: that Continue Reading...
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