Category Archives: Headlies

The latest pro graps newz you won’t get anywhere else. Because it probably isn’t true. Probably.

Headlies: Call The Bray Wyatt Hotline Now!

8 Submitted by on Fri, 13 February 2015, 08:00
Brooksville, FL – Bray Wyatt has launched his own 900 hotline where wrestling fans can hear from their favorite WWE Superstar. Much like WWE and WCW personality “Mean” Gene Okerlund’s hotline from the 1990’s, fans will be able to call the hotline to hear all about Bray Wyatt. While the main focus will be on news and upcoming matches, fans Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Brooklyn Brawler To Be Inducted Into WWE Hall Of Fame

19 Submitted by on Fri, 06 February 2015, 08:00
Brooklyn, NY – Following the announcement of “Macho Man” Randy Savage being inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame, longtime WWE wrestler Brooklyn Brawler was announced as the second inductee in the Class of 2015. “I’d like to congratulate Brawler on his many, many, many years of service to the WWE,” said Vince McMahon. “Since the 1980’s, Brooklyn Brawler has been Continue Reading...
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Headlies – People Waiting For Annual “Surprise Return Of Sheamus At The Royal Rumble”

18 Submitted by on Fri, 23 January 2015, 08:00
Philadelphia, PA- Dozens of scientists, fans, and bird-watchers have descended on the city of Philadelphia in hopes of seeing WWE Superstar Sheamus return to the ring. In what has now become an annual tradition, Sheamus is set to be a surprise entrant into the Royal Rumble. Groups of people with binoculars have been camped outside the Wells Fargo Center trying Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Jimmy Wang Yang Returns With North Korean Hacker Gimmick

10 Submitted by on Fri, 16 January 2015, 08:00
(Today’s Headlie was co-written by Keith LaPointe. Thanks, Keith!)   Orlando, FL – WWE announced today via their Performance Center that the company has come to terms with the return of superstar Jimmy Wang Yang after a 5 year abscence.When contacted, Triple H, head of talent relations, said that Wang would be brought back with a new identity and purpose. Continue Reading...
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3 Submitted by on Sat, 10 January 2015, 14:55
  Twin Falls, ID – Only 34 fans were in attendance for Powerful Stars of Wrestling’s second annual ‘GrappleCrush’ event at Historic Ballroom, with one voice ringing above the rest. Quinn Daggler, 25, of neighboring Meridian, ID, attended the six-match card with a friend, and expressed his displeasure with the quality of the event. By the third bout, featuring Frederick Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Raven Cast In Reboot of Disney’s “That’s So Raven”

9 Submitted by on Fri, 09 January 2015, 08:00
Hollywood, CA – The Disney Channel has decided to reboot the award-winning show “That’s So Raven”. To the surprise of the entertainment world, the show’s star Raven-Symone will be replaced former ECW and WCW champion Raven. Executive Producer Sean McNamara said of the change, “We wanted to take ‘That’s So Raven’ in a new and exciting direction. Raven-Symone was great, Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Meet Wrestling Superstar CM Punk

9 Submitted by on Fri, 02 January 2015, 08:00
Ames, IA – Current UFC fighter CM Punk made his first public appearance this weekend at the Legends of Pro Wrestling Fan Fest this past week in Ames, Iowa. The former WWE World Heavyweight Champion arrived early to Conference Room A of the Radisson Hotel, with two boxes of t-shirts, a folder of glossy 8×0 photos, advance copies of his Continue Reading...
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Headlies: A Very Ryback Christmas

6 Submitted by on Fri, 26 December 2014, 08:00
Las Vegas, NV – WWE Superstar Ryback celebrated Christmas this year with a night out on the town in his home city of Las Vegas, Nevada. The Big Guy, as he is affectionately known by everyone who isn’t CM Punk, began his night with a light lunch at Bacchanal Buffet. With his custom-made feedbag in hand, Ryback walked down the Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Fans Already Sick Of Kevin Owens

9 Submitted by on Fri, 19 December 2014, 08:00
Winter Park, FL – NXT’s newest Superstar Kevin Owens has already overstayed his welcome according to multiple disgruntled wrestling fans. Despite several rave reviews of Owens debut at Revolution, the audience has already expressed their displeasure with the independent wrestling sensation formerly known as Kevin Steen. “I had heard a lot about him and now I never want to hear Continue Reading...
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Headlies: TNA Begins Cross-Promotion With Destination America Shows

2 Submitted by on Fri, 12 December 2014, 08:00
Silver Spring, MD – Following the news that TNA will be airing on Destination America, several stars under the Discovery Communications umbrella will be appearing on each other’s shows. “We are absolutely thrilled to have TNA Wrestling join the Discovery family,” said President and CEO David Zaslav. “TNA will fit in well with other Destination America shows like ‘Amish Haunting’ Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Dolph Ziggler To Take On A Ladder At TLC

12 Submitted by on Fri, 05 December 2014, 08:00
Austin, TX – On this week’s edition of Smackdown, WWE COO Triple H announced that Dolph Ziggler will be facing a ladder at the TLC pay per view on December 16th. Despite losing power at Survivor Series,Triple H was in the ring addressing the crowd for the first 20 minutes of Smackdown, when the restless crowd began to cheer Ziggler’s Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Member of Insane Clown Posse Interrupts Survivor Series

5 Submitted by on Fri, 28 November 2014, 08:00
St. Louis, MO – The WWE Universe was shocked during the main event of Survivor Series when a member of the Detroit rap group Insane Clown Posse came to the ring and fought company COO Triple H. ICP has a long history in professional wrestling, appearing in WWE, WCW, and ECW, as well as creating their own federation, Juggalo Championship Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Rusev Wins Canadian Heavyweight Championship

13 Submitted by on Fri, 21 November 2014, 08:00
Calgary, Alberta, Canada – In an impromptu match, current WWE United States Champion Rusev defeated Lance Storm for the Canadian Heavyweight Championship. Storm, a former WCW and WWE Champion, was conducting his weekly appearance on Wrestling Observer Live when he heard a pounding on his front door. The burly Rusev burst through the door, attacking the semi-retired Storm. “What’s this Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Summer Rae Replaced By A Cyborg, Change Goes Unnoticed

7 Submitted by on Fri, 14 November 2014, 08:00
Roanoke, VA – WWE Diva and co-star of The Marine 4 Summer Rae was recently replaced with a cyborg for the future. Despite the incredible turn of events, both WWE officials and performers did not notice the switch had occurred. “Lifeless glowing eyes. No emotion. Icy cold hands. Yup, same old Summer,” said her Total Divas co-star Natalya. “I love Continue Reading...
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Headlies: John Cena Picks His Team For Survivor Series

23 Submitted by on Fri, 07 November 2014, 08:00
Buffalo, NY – In a much anticipated event, WWE Superstar revealed his team for the upcoming Survivor Series against The Authority. To the shock of the WWE Universe, John Cena chose 4 clones of himself to form Team Cena. Many speculated that Cena would choose up-and-coming Superstars such as Dolph Ziggler or Big E Langston, but Cena felt there was Continue Reading...
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Headlies: It’s The Great Pumpkin, Dixie Carter!

4 Submitted by on Fri, 31 October 2014, 08:00
Bethlehem, PA – A cool autumn breeze whipped through TNA president Dixie Carter’s hair as she made her way through the Bethlehem Pumpkin Patch. Carter was planning to spend her entire Halloween evening in the pumpkin patch to meet The Great Pumpkin. TNA had recently wrapped up a long string of television tapings in the area, but Carter stayed in Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Fan Hospitalized After Trying To Be A “Rosebud”

10 Submitted by on Fri, 24 October 2014, 08:00
Cheyenne, WY – 19 year-old wrestling fan Mackenzie Dobbs was rushed to Cheyenne Regional Medical Center Tuesday night after what she claimed was her attempt to “be a Rosebud”. Dobbs was apparently trying to join WWE Superstar Adam Rose’s fan group collectively known as “rosebuds”. According to a post of social media, Dobbs declared her intentions following this week’s edition Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Dixie Carter Forgets To Watch Bound For Glory

7 Submitted by on Fri, 17 October 2014, 08:00
Dallas, TX – TNA President Dixie Carter spent her entire Sunday with a nagging feeling that she was missing something. Unbeknownst to her, Carter had forgotten to watch or DVR Bound For Glory, her promotions biggest pay-per-view event of the year. The event, typically referred to at TNA’s Wrestlemania or the company’s Super Bowl, took place at the Korakuen Hall Continue Reading...
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Headlies: The Rock Returns, Immediately Fails Wellness Test

6 Submitted by on Fri, 10 October 2014, 08:00
Brooklyn, NY – On Monday night, former WWE champion and Hollywood star The Rock returned to WWE television only to fail a Wellness test immediately after his appearance. The Rock, who hasn’t been seen on WWE television in months, was greeted with a large ovation from the Brooklyn crowd. After verbally dismantling Rusev, The Rock soaked up the adoration of Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Raw Extended to 5 Hours, Bryan Alvarez Institutionalized

10 Submitted by on Fri, 03 October 2014, 08:00
Bothell, WA – In a press conference, WWE CEO Vince McMahon made the surprise announcement that his company’s flagship show Monday Night Raw would be adding two extra hours. The extension will now see the program running from 8:00 PM EST to 1:00 AM EST. “This is a very exciting time,” said McMahon with a twinkle in his eye. “We’re Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Kevin Steen Repackaged As “Pierre Poutine”

3 Submitted by on Fri, 26 September 2014, 08:00
Montreal, Quebec – In what has become an increasing tradition for popular independent wrestlers who go to NXT, Kevin Steen’s character has been repackaged as proud French-Canadian “Pierre Poutine” Steen, who first made a name for himself in independent promotions such as Pro Wrestling Guerilla, CZW, and Ring of Honor, originally hails from Quebec, something WWE officials quickly latched on Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Tommy Wiseau Hired As New WWE Head Writer

6 Submitted by on Fri, 19 September 2014, 08:00
San Francisco, CA – In a surprising move, WWE has fired their head writers for both Raw and Smackdown and replaced them with enigmatic cult movie director Tommy Wiseau. Wiseau, best known as the writer, director, producer and lead actor in the 2003 movie The Room, was introduced to the company yesterday afternoon. “Tommy will be a natural fit here Continue Reading...
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Headlies: The Bellas Receive Acting Lessons From The Miz’s Dad

6 Submitted by on Fri, 12 September 2014, 08:00
Baltimore, MD – The family feud between Brie and Nikki Bella has become a large part of WWE’s programming, but many backstage are not pleased with the Bellas’ performance. “To say that I am less than happy with the Bellas is an understatement,” said Stephanie McMahon. “I’m asking for white-hot rage they’re giving me a hissy fit. I expect a Continue Reading...
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Headlies: John Morrison’s Missing Charisma Found In WWE Warehouse

9 Submitted by on Fri, 29 August 2014, 08:00
Greenwich, CT – During a routine inventory check of past WWE memorabilia, WWE Archivist Ben Brown discovered former WWE Superstar John Morrison’s missing charisma. “It was just like any other day in the warehouse,” said Brown. “I had just finished cataloging Saba Simba’s headresses and spears and was about to move on to the urinal that Tommy Dreamer once drank Continue Reading...
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Headlies: John Cena Now Fluent In German After SummerSlam

13 Submitted by on Fri, 22 August 2014, 08:00
Los Angeles, CA – Following his brutal Summerslam match against Brock Lesnar for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship, WWE Superstar John Cena can now speak fluent German. Cena, suffering from what doctors call “Foreign Language Syndrome” has only been able to communicate via the German language, despite never speaking it previously. “Mr. Cena suffered a large amount of pain during Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Eva Marie To Take On A Paddle Ball At Summerslam

8 Submitted by on Fri, 15 August 2014, 08:00
San Jose, CA – WWE officials have added another match to the already stacked Summerslam card with WWE Diva Eva Marie versus a paddle ball. The blood feud began during filming for the upcoming season of Total Divas. The trouble brewing between Eva Marie and the paddle ball stems from a misunderstanding between the two over Fandango. Eva Marie has Continue Reading...
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Headlies: TNA Signs The Ding Dongs To Multi-Year Contract

17 Submitted by on Fri, 08 August 2014, 08:00
Belleville, USA – TNA Impact Wrestling announced this past Thursday that they have signed WCW tag team legends The Ding Dongs to a multi-year contract. Despite the announcement that Spike TV will not be renewing their television deal, TNA has been forging ahead signing several wrestlers, including Zema Ion and Army veteran Chris Melendez. “TNA needs a real wake-up call. Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Stephanie McMahon Participates In “Scared Straight” Program

5 Submitted by on Fri, 01 August 2014, 08:00
Miami, FL – WWE Chief Brand Officer Stephanie McMahon met with a group of at-risk girls at the Turner Guilford Knight Correctional Center for the state’s “Scared Straight” program. McMahon, who was recently arrested for striking former WWE Diva Brie Bella, discussed prison life to the girls in a frank and blunt manner. “I don’t care who you are or Continue Reading...
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