Category Archives: Headlies

The latest pro graps newz you won’t get anywhere else. Because it probably isn’t true. Probably.

Headlies: Irate Fans Swear They’ll Only Buy A Few Shirts From WWE’s Website

10 Submitted by on Mon, 30 November 2015, 08:00
Henderson, NV – Diehard wrestling fans Colby Cooper and Bryson St. James have vowed that despite totally and utterly hating everything WWE has done in the past year, they will only buy a small amount of shirts off of the WWE website. The college sophomores scanned the Shop WWE website in hopes of finding good deals for just a few Continue Reading...
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Headlies: The Wyatts Go Shopping

16 Submitted by on Mon, 16 November 2015, 08:00
Possum Bluff, FL –This past weekend, the Wyatt family ventured from their backwoods compound To prepare for their battle against Undertaker and Kane at Survivor Series. Luke Harper, Eric Rowan, and Braun Strowman climbed into Bray Wyatt’s 1998 Dodge Caravan. “Don’t forget to buckle your seats, boys,” said Bray, adjusting his rearview mirror. All three silently complied as Harper turned Continue Reading...
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Headlies: WWE Remembers November 9, 1997 as “Steve Blackman Debut Day”

11 Submitted by on Mon, 09 November 2015, 19:02
STAMFORD – Looking to commemorate a landmark day in World Wrestling Entertainment history, WWE officials have declared November 9 “Steve Blackman Debut Day”, recognizing his pay-per-debut at the 1997 Survivor Series. Blackman, 52, was unable to attend the festivities and unable to comment on the honor, but a WWE representative spoke on the matter, citing Blackman’s five minutes of involvement Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Seth Rollins’s Knee Joins The Authority

6 Submitted by on Mon, 09 November 2015, 08:00
Manchester, England – In a surprising turn of events, Triple H and Stephanie McMahon have announced that the newest member of The Authority is none other than Seth Rollins’s knee. At a house show this past week in Dublin, Ireland, WWE World Heavyweight Champion Seth Rollins torn his right ACL, MCL, and medial meniscus. The injury, initially believed to be Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Ron Reis Still Stuck In His Yeti Costume

6 Submitted by on Mon, 02 November 2015, 08:00
Cummings, GA – Former WCW wrestler Ron Reis, re-donned The Yeti costume for a Halloween party and has been unable to remove it for over a week. Reis, who also performed under the name “Reese” and “Big Ron Studd”, is best known for his turn as The Yeti, which, despite it’s name, was a giant mummy. “I needed something to Continue Reading...
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Headlies: WWE Opens A Haunted House

13 Submitted by on Mon, 26 October 2015, 08:00
Armonk, NY– WWE announced their latest venture outside of professional wrestling with the grand opening of the official WWE Haunted House at the Armonk Halloween Spooktacular and Pie-Eating Contest. WWE CEO Vince McMahon was on hand at the opening of the haunted house. Dressed in pinstripes, McMahon barked at passers-by, saying “Step right up, folks! Step right up! See the Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Terry Funk To Return In Roadhouse Remake

8 Submitted by on Mon, 19 October 2015, 08:00
Hollywood, CA – Wrestling legend Terry Funk has signed on to appear in the remake of Roadhouse starring MMA star Rhonda Rousey. Funk, who appeared in the original 1989 cult classic starring Patrick Swayze, arrived on set early yesterday morning, despite the movie not being in production until 2016. After body-slamming the studio security guard through a catering table, Funk Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Full Sail University Flooded With Tears After Bayley-Sasha Match

5 Submitted by on Mon, 12 October 2015, 08:00
Winter Park, FL – Full Sail University, home of NXT, is currently in dealing with a flood emergency as a result of record tears following the Bayley vs. Sasha Banks match. The historical match, which took place during NXT Takeover: Respect, had fan-favorite Bayley retaining her title against Banks in an 30-minute Iron Man Match. Emotions, running high throughout the Continue Reading...
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Headlies: TNA Just A Figment Of A Child’s Imagination

22 Submitted by on Mon, 05 October 2015, 08:00
Lusk, WY – TNA officials shocked the wrestling world last night by admitting that the company is, in fact, just a figment of a bored child’s imagination The revelation, came during an in-ring promotion from TNA president Dixie Carter at their annual Bound For Glory pay-per-view. Carter was addressing the crowd, talking about how the company was working on staying Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Kane Meets With Human Resources

14 Submitted by on Mon, 28 September 2015, 08:00
Stamford, CT – Following the events of last Monday night in which he attacked WWE champion Seth Rollins, Corporate Kane met with several members of WWE’s Human Resources division. Kane, who just recently returned to work following an injury, sat at a long table, flanked by HR workers Katherine Buonano and Katherine Capatelli. The “Kathys” as they are known around Continue Reading...
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Headlies: TNA Restaurant Opens

31 Submitted by on Mon, 21 September 2015, 08:00
Goodlettsville, TN – TNA officials announced the grand opening of their brand new theme restaurant this past weekend in Goodlettsville, just north of Nashville on Route 65. TNA president and on-air personality Dixie Carter greeted hungry customers to the company’s latest endeavor. “Welcome, ya’ll!” said Carter, in full waitress uniform. “Hope everyone brought their appetites!” The restaurant, designed in the Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Reigns, Ambrose, and Rollins to recruit The Shield as private security force

7 Submitted by on Sun, 20 September 2015, 22:00
After repeated interference by fans at recent live events, WWE Superstars Roman Reigns, Dean Ambrose, and Seth Rollins have hired former WWE faction The Shield to serve as their personal ringside crowd control. The pattern of attacks by members of the WWE Universe began at a recent house show when a fan threw a replica Money in the Bank briefcase Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Superstars Recall Memories of “Superfly” Sivi Afi

8 Submitted by on Mon, 14 September 2015, 08:00
Hollywood, CA – WWE officials and Superstars from past and present recorded their thoughts and memories of former WWE legend “Superfly” Sivi Afi. Though not on the planned itinerary for video shoots, Vince McMahon quickly gathered as many people as possible to quickly produce the DVD. “I remember going to Madison Square Garden and watching that legendary steel cage match Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Paige Audited For Not Reporting Multiple Houses

5 Submitted by on Mon, 07 September 2015, 08:00
Baltimore, MD – Former WWE tag team champion Irwin R. Schyster made a surprise return on Monday to discuss the current tax problems of WWE Diva Paige. The incident occurred during a backstage interview with her fellow PCB teammates Charlotte and Becky Lynch. Paige had just begun to give a rousing speech about the Divas’ revolution when former WWE star Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Haku Wins Tough Enough

8 Submitted by on Mon, 31 August 2015, 08:00
Tampa, FL – WWE shocked the wrestling world by announcing the winner of Tough Enough was none other than former WWE and WCW wrestler Haku. The shocking announcement came during the live debut of this season’s contract winners Josh and Sara Lee. As Triple H and Stephanie McMahon praised both competitors, a ruckus came from the crowd. Haku, a former Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Cena Fans Hijack NXT: Takeover

10 Submitted by on Mon, 24 August 2015, 08:00
Brooklyn, NY: In what has been labeled an “epic disaster” by WWE, irate John Cena fans ruined NXT: Takeover this past weekend in Brooklyn. The usually boisterous NXT crowd, known for their various chants and love of all things NXT, was nowhere to be found at the event. A rainbow of colored Cena shirts filled the crowd, replacing the usual Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Val Venis Returns To Manage The Submission Sorority

5 Submitted by on Mon, 10 August 2015, 08:00
  Las Vegas, NV – WWE officials announced today that they have rehired Attitude Era star Val Venis to manage the Submission Sorority. Venis joined WWE Divas Charlotte, Paige, and Becky Lynch, whose faction name was recently revealed to also belong to a pornographic website, at a press conference before Raw. “Heeeelllllllooooooo, Divas! ” said Venis, wearing only a towel. Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Government Admits All Of Brian Kendrick’s Conspiracies True

2 Submitted by on Mon, 27 July 2015, 08:00
Washington, DC – In a stunning admission, President Obama admitted that every conspiracy theory believed by WWE trainer and wrestler Brian Kendrick is, in fact, true. Flanked by ranking members of the Armed Services and Pentagon officials, the President explained why the government was coming forward now. “My final term is coming up and I’m done being ‘No drama Obama’,” Continue Reading...
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Headlies: WWE’s Raid Of NXT Almost Complete

5 Submitted by on Mon, 20 July 2015, 08:00
Winter Park, FL – Much like in the 1980’s, WWE CEO Vince McMahon has spent large amounts of time, effort, and money plucking the best wrestlers from NXT and bringing them to WWE. The raid of talent became most apparent this past Monday on Raw with the defection of NXT stars Charlotte, Sasha Banks, and Becky Lynch. According to the Continue Reading...
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Headlies: “Get Hurt By Brock Lesnar” Added To WWE Axxess

14 Submitted by on Mon, 13 July 2015, 09:25
  Arlington, TX – WWE officials have announced the latest edition to Wrestlemania Axxess  will be the “Get Hurt By Brock Lesnar” booth. On a conference call this afternoon, WWE Chief Brand Officer Stephanie McMahon and WWE Chief Revenue and Marketing Officer Michelle Wilson revealed details for the new installation. “Axxess, which takes place in the days leading up to Continue Reading...
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Headlies: WWE Replaces Michael Hayes With Heath Slater

5 Submitted by on Mon, 06 July 2015, 08:00
Badstreet, USA – WWE officials have officially announced that video, pictures, interviews, and mentions of Michael “P.S.” Hayes will now be replaced with WWE Superstar Heath Slater. In a conference call yesterday, WWE CEO Vince McMahon said, “In light of recent invents going on in the Southern United States, we feel that as a company it is time to move Continue Reading...
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Headlies: WWE Announces All-Fan Edition of “King Of The Ring”

27 Submitted by on Mon, 29 June 2015, 08:00
Roanoke, VA – WWE officials announced yesterday that they will once again be resurrecting the King Of The Ring tournament this year. While the concept remains the same, this version of the King Of The Ring will showcase various WWE celebrity fans that the internet has grown to love and/or hate. “The WWE Universe is the greatest group of fans Continue Reading...
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Headlies: TNA Resurrects “Silent Night, Bloody Night” Match

3 Submitted by on Mon, 22 June 2015, 08:00
Nashville, TN – On the heels of the King Of The Mountain match returning at Slammiversary, TNA officials have decided to also resurrect the “Silent Night, Bloody Night” match. Often labeled one of the worst gimmick matches in wrestling history, TNA’s lone “Silent Night, Bloody Night” match occurred in at a 2007 Christ Eve edition edition of Impact. The match, Continue Reading...
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Headlies: JBL Promoted To Lead Annoyer

7 Submitted by on Mon, 15 June 2015, 08:00
Cleveland, OH – WWE officials announced today that current commentator John “Bradshaw” Leyfield has been promoted to the position of Lead Annoyer for episodes of Monday Night Raw and pay-per-views. Layfield, better known by fans as JBL, wrestled for the company, amassing 24 championship title wins before settling into the commentator role in 2012. JBL’s persistence and tenacity was noticed Continue Reading...
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Headlies: CM Punk Submits Tough Enough Audition Tape

8 Submitted by on Mon, 08 June 2015, 08:00
Chicago, IL – At 11:53pm on Friday night, former WWE Superstar and World Heavyweight Champion CM Punk submitted his audition tape for the next season of Tough Enough. With just minutes to spare, Punk finished editing his audition tape, making sure to include his favorite songs by the band Rancid playing over his promo. Despite having quit the company over Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Cheex Returns To Save TNA

10 Submitted by on Mon, 01 June 2015, 08:00
Battleboro, NC – Dixie Carter and various TNA officials spoke at a news conference yesterday, revealing the return of a wrestler that they believe will help save the company. Reporters gathered inside a local Waffle House to hear the news. “Ya’ll, I don’t even know what you’re talking about,” said Dixie in regards to news that TNA is being canceled. Continue Reading...
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