WrestleCrap Power Crappings Week XIV

17 Submitted by on Tue, 23 April 2013, 13:11

Once again, WrestleCrap is back with its brand new, weekly interaction, in which Our Loyal Crappers decide what the worst in wrestling was for the past week. They can choose gimmicks, storylines, news stories, or anything else that constitutes “Crap”, and the votes are tallied in order to determine the WORST in wrestling…..at least for this week!

1. WWE acts as if it invented the Fandango’ing craze (NR)

Well, you can’t blame them for trying to spin the subversively hostile crowd from April 8. BONUS: they act like fans doing the wave is a sign of respect.

2. New World Champion Dolph Ziggler puts over boring Jack Swagger (NR)

Typical WWE stubbornness: try to get an unwanted character some rub off of someone who popped the venue with his title win. Well, they clearly know better.

3. WWE officials surprised that WrestleMania 29 buyrate will likely be low (NR)

You mean the Rock/Cena “twice in a lifetime” rematch for the gold, and a HHH/Brock rematch, may have turned some fans off? This is absolutely startling.

4. Smackdown 6-person tag booked after argument over Hornswoggle’s parking spot (NR)

Look at sweet Natalya’s angry expression. Surely, she’s wondering why WWE has to view her as an oddity worth lumping in with the hack cartoon schtick.

5. WWE officials upset that fans booed Maria Menounos at Hall of Fame (NR)

Probably because fans figure that any time a B-list celebrity appears, it’s merely a star-grab from a rather whorish company. People don’t respect whores.

6. Antonio Cesaro yodels (13)

Cesaro was rather effective as a physically superior snob who brutalized  his foes. Now he’s a stereotype in WWE’s lazy circus of the underneath guys.

7. TNA’s X-Division Ref Cam (NR)

The “Refer-Eye” camera used by WCW at Halloween Havoc ’91 has been dead and buried for 22 years. Apparently, TNA thinks it’ll help em turn the tide.

8. UFC legend Mark Coleman wants to fight CM Punk for no reason (NR)

“The Hammer” was upset that cameras focused on Punk in the crowd at a recent UFC event instead of him. Sheesh, someone takes things personally.

9. WWE “Total Divas” coming to E! (NR)

I suspect this dignified production will only air four weeks out of the year, given that’s how often Divas get the spotlight on WWE programming these days.

10. Randy Orton and Sheamus are “heroes” for facing Big Show in handicap matches (NR)

If ever proof was needed that WWE can’t book the Viper and Celtic Warrior to be honorable, two straight 2-on-1’s with their enemy testifies nicely.

11. Miz as a babyface (5)

Imagine that; after the Jersey crowd savaged him, “the most must-see star” is omitted from two consecutive Raws. Which begs the inquiry, “Must see by whom?”

12. Rosa Mendes reportedly sent home from European tour for drunkenness (NR)

To be fair, if the only storyline you were given in the past year involved a midget’s parking spot, you’d flip your loaded wine glass over and over too.

13. Tony Dawson (12)

One voter may have nailed it: he’s merely a horrid distraction to make Michael Cole look great by comparison. In other words, a new Mike Adamle.

14. TNA hawks autographed Dixie Carter action figures (3)

“Where’s Dixie”? Hopefully, TNA’s boss learns from Vince McMahon c. 2003-onward: sometimes, it’s a bad thing when the boss makes himself the star.

15. Sheamus vs. Randy Orton from 4/8 Raw (7)

We close this week with one of the most unintentionally awesome matches in modern history, thanks to the crowd commandeering the proceedings.


Written by

Justin Henry is WrestleCrap's inquiring newsman, thirsting for knowledge always. He enjoys the art of satire, as you'll find in many of his works here at WrestleCrap. Drop him a line on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh) and Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/jrhwriting)
17 Responses to "WrestleCrap Power Crappings Week XIV"
  1. Jay "The Brain" Mann says:

    Babyface Miz not in the top 10? Travesty!

    (by the way, I think he’s not being used because he’s taping a Christmas movie for ABC Family and it’s just a coincidence it started taping a week after the Jersey crowd savaged him)

  2. John Matrix says:

    The head-camera wasn’t *that* bad.

    Shouldn’t Coleman want to pick a fight with the cameraman who showed Punk in the audience instead of Punk?

  3. Stephen says:

    Speaking of the low WM buy rate, bear in mind that people weren’t thrilled about the CM Punk-Undertaker build either. And there was little else to be excited about on the card.

    • Sharpe Puppy says:

      Seriously, I refuse to call that the four-star match everyone is calling it simply because the build was so distasteful. I don’t care how many near-falls there were. and EVERYONE knew the Undertaker was going to win.

      I’m so fucking happy the buyrates for that were low, particularly in light of that thing drawing a disgustingly large live gate.

  4. Sir Thomas says:

    Coleman: Stupid camera man! How dare you focus on that wrassler guy instead of me! I’m going to kick that wrassler guy’s ass because you focused on him! YEAH! MY LOGIC IS FLAWLESS!

  5. Thomas Moffatt says:

    In addition to Tony Dawson being the new Mike Adamle he is also the second coming of Jonathon Coachman

  6. AlexanAdru says:

    Can’t disagree with anything on this list especially the 1st two. Hope the Wrestlemania buyrate plunges so WWE realizes NEW stars not part-timers (who don’t draw as well as they used too) aren’t the answer also Tony Dawson is worse than Adamle because Adamle was so bad he was sort of funny while Dawson is just horrid.

  7. John says:

    I can’t wait for the Divas show to be the hallmark of the new WWE Network you know since that should launch any day…real soon…well maybe…probably…after a few kinks are ironed out…you know it’s not easy to have your own network. Yup someday real soon it’ll be on the air.

  8. Lee W says:

    Say what you will about Antonio Cesaro’s yodelling I still find him to be far less irritating than Santino Marella.

  9. Alan says:

    Michael Cole is a good PxP guy. He gets a ton of heat b/c he replaced JR, which was done by VKM. I feel bad for Cole. That and for his constant shilling that he has to do b/c that’s what Vince screams through his headset and tells him what to say. I’m a huge JR fan as well, but the Cole hating is getting old.

  10. Ewa Beach Boy says:

    For a few seconds I kept expecting Khali to pick up that little car that stole their space and throw it out of the space like a toy thus destroying the car and causing there to be a real reason for a match but then I came to my senses and remembered that WWE creative sucks and that would never happen cause it would’ve been shocking and maybe…entertaining and who would want that???

  11. Falcdango says:

    Huh… I just read a report saying WWE is expected to announce that WM29 is the highest grossing Wrestlemania ever.

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