WrestleCrap Power Crappings, Week VI

6 Submitted by on Fri, 22 February 2013, 14:34

Once again, WrestleCrap is back with its brand new, weekly interaction, in which Our Loyal Crappers decide what the worst in wrestling was for the past week. They can choose gimmicks, storylines, news stories, or anything else that constitutes “Crap”, and the votes are tallied in order to determine the WORST in wrestling…..at least for this week!

1. Jack Swagger arrested on DUI/marijuana possession charges (Last Week: Not Ranked)

Over 93% of voters this week gave a nod to Swagger, who seemed to be content to do anything to sabotage unquestionably the biggest push of his life.

2. New WWE Title Design (Last Week: Not Ranked)

I don’t hate it as much as I did Monday, and some of you agree. But this glossy jewel will take some more time to get used to for a number of fans.

3. Hulk Hogan claims Bret Hart hurt main event pay by working for less (Last Week: Not Ranked)

How dare Bret take less money, and agree to no private limo, in a time frame when WWE was bleeding money out the ass with sponsors bailing! That cad!

4. Miz as a Babyface (Last Week: 5)

All six weeks have featured Mr. Mizanin’s wholly bland run as an in-your-face good guy. At least he finally figured out how to do the figure four on his own.

5. The Rock runs out of gas at Elimination Chamber (Last Week: Not Ranked)

Wrestling is obviously demanding physically, but since Rock’s the flagbearer, he has to ‘electrify’, and his current slow pace is rather noticeable.

6. Sheamus awkwardly disrupts Wade Barrett’s movie promo (Last Week: Not Ranked)

Barrett promotes his movie. Sheamus interrupts and makes unfunny jokes. Then the whole segment kinda just ends. Coughing can be heard in the 19th row.

7. Jack Swagger wins Elimination Chamber (Last Week: Not Ranked)

Boy, this looks a little dicey in hindsight. But you know Vince’s rule: when you have a potential angle rooted in racism, you gotta run with it, right?

8. The Continued Jobbing of Kofi Kingston (Last Week: Not Ranked)

Zen-master Zoguchu once said of Dolph Ziggler, “To beat Kofi Kingston is to not have had match.” Zoguchu died in 1807, the same year of Kofi’s last win.

9. Brad Maddox becomes Vickie Guerrero’s assistant (Last Week: Not Ranked)

So, why does Vickie hate Heyman when he defended her? Who’s the face here? Lone highlight was the Raw crowd having zero clue who Maddox was.

10. Great Khali, Hornswoggle, and Natalya’s Trifecta from Hell (Last Week: 6)

WWE recently put out a call looking for female talent with the note “experience not needed.” While Natalya dances away like a grinning zombie with these two.

11. WWE, TNA participate in “Harlem Shake” trend (Last Week: Not Ranked)

Harlem Shake. Matt Striker. Tony Dawson. This video exceeds the standard amount of garbage in one setting. Were fads always this pointless?

12. Fandango (Last Week: 9)

The gimmick might be WrestleCrap worthy on its own, but Lawler mocking Fandango’s exaggerated dramatic voice kicks it up (down?) a notch.

13. Brooke Hogan and Bully Ray (Last Week: 8)

It’ll all be worth it when Bully Ray goes all Triple H, and turns heel to reveal he was using Brooke to get a title shot. If only real-life nepotism wasn’t involved.

14. Aces and Eights (Last Week: Not Ranked)

Hey, c’mon now, let’s be fair: the Aces actually won a match on Impact! If they win one next week, that’ll constitute a winning STREAK! Imagine!

15. IOC considers cutting wrestling (Last Week: 1)

Wow, fervor fell this much in a week? Hopefully when they have the hearings, the outrage picks up again, and Kurt Angle’s sport of choice is saved.


Written by

Justin Henry is WrestleCrap's inquiring newsman, thirsting for knowledge always. He enjoys the art of satire, as you'll find in many of his works here at WrestleCrap. Drop him a line on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh) and Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/jrhwriting)
6 Responses to "WrestleCrap Power Crappings, Week VI"
  1. Peter says:

    I’m currently watching Smackdown and I just found it ironic that Orton got pinned by Swagger at EC, and then Swagger gets caught with weed, considering all of Orton’s past drug issues.

    Also regarding TNA, I found it pretty lame how they swerved the British fans by promoting Hulk Hogan in a match and then not having him in it. I don’t really care to see Hogan wrestle, but those UK fans did and they have been a great crowd for Impact, so to do that to them is dirty if you ask me.

  2. Shawn Doc Girt says:

    the more i look at the Bully Ray-Brooke pic the more i think….Brooke cant even act for a picture.

  3. Juice211 says:

    For some reason, I keep thinking that the Brad Maddox character is supposed to be a parody of Eric Bischoff…..

  4. Thomas Moffatt says:

    Why is the jobbification of Kofi Kingston even considered for this? He’s grossly overrated

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