WrestleCrap Power Crappings, Week V

13 Submitted by on Fri, 15 February 2013, 13:31

Once again, WrestleCrap is back with its brand new, weekly interaction, in which Our Loyal Crappers decide what the worst in wrestling was for the past week. They can choose gimmicks, storylines, news stories, or anything else that constitutes “Crap”, and the votes are tallied in order to determine the WORST in wrestling…..at least for this week!

1. IOC contemplates cutting wrestling (Last Week: Not Ranked)

Well, WrestleCrap does have “wrestle” in its name. The fact that one of the world’s oldest sports may be excised has angered many, namely Kurt Angle.

2. Zeb Coulter (Last Week: Not Ranked)

To be fair, Jack Swagger did need something fresh. And what better than grizzled veteran Dutch Mantell spewing xenophobic rhetoric on his behalf?

3. Tammy Sytch cut off from rehab after making continued poor choices (Last Week: Not Ranked)

It also doesn’t help that Sytch complained about the quality of her most recent hosting  facility. Shouldn’t have bitten the helping hand.

4. The Rock’s stolen car story (Last Week: Not Ranked)

Not as bad as Cena’s XBox Live rant, but just as unfocused and pointless. At least threaten to sodomize Punk with a weapon in your old promos!

5. The Miz as a babyface (Last Week: 3)

Face it, Face Miz is never getting off these rankings. Antonio Cesaro swinging him into the rail was a subconscious face turn for Swiss Mister.

6. The Khali-Hornswoggle-Natalya Trifecta From Hell (Last Week: Not Ranked)

Speaking of inadvertent face turns, Mark Henry nearly became Hulk Hogan c. 1984 when he Beaverized Hornswoggle on Monday. ONE MORE TIME.

7. Alberto Del Rio dumps paint on Big Show (Last Week: Not Ranked)

Oh, that darn Del Rio. Showing he’s a champion of the people by pulling wacky pranks on his foe. Maybe the blowoff will be a hogpen match?

8. Brooke Hogan and Bully Ray (Last Week: 9)

I do like the angle that’s being implied (Bully’s using Brooke to get glory a la HHH), but anything that puts Brooke on TV kinda isn’t worth it.

9. Fandango (Last Week: 8)

Now we have a special pronunciation: Fon-Don-Go. You think a certain movie ticket distributor threatened legal action?

10. CM Punk and Kurt Angle argue over The Pope (Last Week: Not Ranked)

Just what we need: one main eventer ripping Benedict XVI’s Hitler Youth ties, and another to piss back at him. Was any of this really necessary?

11. WWE App crashes hours after WWE mocks Super Bowl blackout (Last Week: 1)

Some karmic irony is so delicious, it gets votes 10 days after the story was last relevant. Sometimes egg on one’s face doesn’t wash so easily.

12. Rey Mysterio’s surgeon facing revocation for negligence (Last Week: Not Ranked)

Dr. David Chao is in hot water. Several San Diego Chargers players have sued him, and it’s possible his carelessness may extend to the wrestling star.

13. Dancin’ Tensai (Last Week: 5)

At least we may get a decent big-man team out of he and Brodus Clay. But regardless, the cartoony cliche of a hardened warrior getting funky is a tad too silly.

14. Rhodes Scholars split (Last Week: 7)

When you’re having a “reunion tour” less than a week after your team amicably splits, it means you didn’t plan your house show schedule too well.

15. Kofi Kingston looks like a fool (Last Week: Not Ranked)

Wade Barrett gets brutalized by Bo Dallas backstage, and a weakened Barrett still finishes off Kofi quickly. Good for Wade, not so much for The Boom Man.


Written by

Justin Henry is WrestleCrap's inquiring newsman, thirsting for knowledge always. He enjoys the art of satire, as you'll find in many of his works here at WrestleCrap. Drop him a line on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh) and Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/jrhwriting)
13 Responses to "WrestleCrap Power Crappings, Week V"
  1. ReallyPeteGas says:

    I don’t think the Zeb promo should be on the list personally. It’s stupid, yes… but it was a lot more controversial than anything they’ve really done in a while, while it may not be the freshest way to go about it, it was fresh compared to Cena, the face-turns, and Ryder getting jobbed every week. That’s the real ‘crap.’

    • Superstarl says:

      I agree. A storyline is a storyline. I’ll take it. Was it great? Nah, but it beats him just hanging out and randomly flailing in the midcard (Hi Kofi!).

    • Autrach Sejanoz says:

      I agree 100%.

    • Walter Kovacs says:

      While the promo itself wasn’t crap, the placement of it immediately before Cesaro came out to do his anti-American schtick was a whiplash that could pop someones head off.

      • ReallyPeteGas says:

        That’s true, I didn’t really think about that. I like Swagger as a wrestler, but he can’t talk. At least now he has someone doing it for him.

  2. Frank says:

    Sheik needs to humble the IOC, the Old Country Way.

  3. Shawn Doc Girt says:

    i say if Tammy Sytch wants to get the help she needz she should go to DDPs place n get it. seemz to be working for Jake Roberts. Scott Hall (last i heard) iz on the way there. shez only next in line for sure.

  4. james gracie says:

    Shouldn’t you start with #15 and makes us work our way down to #1? Just a suggestion

  5. MrMaddog says:

    It’s official…Koffi Kingston is the S.D. Jones for the new generation.

  6. TheFoiler says:

    it’s official… skin tone is the only thing Kofi and SD Jones have in common

  7. Thomas Moffatt says:

    IOC dumping wrestling is a joke like when Channel 4 in the UK dumped WWE because of a satirical programme named Brass Eye decided to make a few shallow celebrities look foolish – WARNING GREAT WRESTLECRAP POTENTIAL

    Kofi as a jobber is fine with me – worst promo man in the business on top of being the poor man’s Rob Van Dam

    Question – where is Tony Dawson?

    Dancing Tensai is awful – question – has the Hip Hop Hippo ever been Wrestlecrapped?

    I feel sorry for Natalya – she gets lumbered in this stupid group where she is easily the most talented member – LAYLA would have been far more suitable for a group that just plain sucks! This stupid faction is easily the biggest load of crap in the business at this moment in time

  8. ReallyPeteGas says:

    And mark my words. Fandango will be a future inductee. Every time WWE does a “coming soon” promo after the Attitude Era it always ends up being terrible. See: Kizarny.

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