Headlies: Zack Ryder’s Wrestlemania Match Just An Elaborate Episode Of Swerved

31 Submitted by on Mon, 28 March 2016, 08:00


Long Island, NY – WWE Superstar Zack Ryder’s appearance in a match at Wrestlemania has been revealed to be an elaborate episode of the WWE Network original show “Swerved”.

The inclusion of Ryder in the Intercontinental Championship match surprised many longtime fans. While he has been appearing in NXT for the past several months, Ryder has not been included in any major storyline on WWE television in several years.

The extended episode of Swerved begins with Ryder heading to Titan Towers in Stamford, Connecticut to pick up complimentary tickets for his family to attend Wrestlemania at AT&T Stadium in Dallas. Several office members, who were in on the prank, told Ryder to visit other departments to receive his tickets. After hours of trying, Stephanie McMahon finally told Ryder that his tickets had been mailed to his home.

Hilarity continues when Ryder’s first-class plane ticket was bumped down to coach and his plane was re-rerouted to Inez, Kentucky.

“We’re going to have an actor, dressed-up like a local country bumpkin, give Zack a ride to Dallas in the back of a turnip truck,” said a giggling Triple H. “When he finally gets to WWE Axxess, Zack will find out that we’ve given his signing slot to El Torito!”

“We’ve even got Zack’s real-life girlfriend Emma in on the prank,” said a giddy Stephanie McMahon. “Zack will get to his hotel room and find Emma in bed with another man…or should I say mini-man bull!”

“The coup de grace will be at Wrestlemania itself,” said Vince McMahon, barely containing his laughter. “When Ryder is in the gorilla position ready to go out for his Intercontinental championship match, I’m going to tell him he’s been replaced by…that’s right, El Torito! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

There is currently a betting pool in WWE’s office as to whether Ryder will cry, become enraged, or re-sign with the company for another 5 years.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
31 Responses to "Headlies: Zack Ryder’s Wrestlemania Match Just An Elaborate Episode Of Swerved"
  1. Chris says:

    Technically speaking, Zacks plan after his push was squashed worked out brilliantly: do nothing about it, don’t complain, be a good boy, don’t change his act or gimmick in any way and it’ll all work out in the end, when he randomly gets another little push. Well……. good job I guess

    • Philip says:

      Well, he won the IC belt last night, so I think it really did work out… unless Kevin Owens destroys him tonight and takes the belt back, I guess.

      • Guest says:

        Sure fooled you didn’t they?

        • Philip says:

          They did indeed. Although why they chose Miz to do it, of all people, I dunno – unless, of course, this leads into a feud between Zack & Miz, with Maryse in Miz’s corner and Emma in Zack’s (since they’ve basically admitted that she and Zack are genuinely dating now). That could be cool… which is probably why it won’t happen, sadly.

  2. John C says:

    Zach grabbed his Hype Bros. partner and began to openly sob, “Boo-hoo-hoo.”

  3. Geoff says:

    He had a full blown panic attack/meltdown cardiac arrest during the last half of the episode. So an ambulance came to pick him up and it still being Swerved the siren sounded like his catchphrase: “WOO WOO WOO!”

    • John C says:

      And with The Godfather being inducted to The Hall of Fame over the weekend, Zach can take a ride on The Ho Train and make it go Choo-Choo-Choo.

  4. Sean O says:

    My bet, or hope, is his reaction will be to resign for 5 years X3

  5. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    Yet again Jordan helps me start my day laughing my ass off. 🙂 Nice!

  6. Geoff says:

    Pimpin’ ain’t easy.

  7. Caveman says:

    While they advertise the new season of Swerved with Zack Ryder, word is that actually every competitor from the IC title Match at Mania will get Swerved in a similar fashion, making enough material for the majority of the season.

  8. Geoff says:

    That’s enough to go boo boo boo right there!

  9. John C says:

    Maybe if Zack shaves his beard and lets his hair grow long he could have a career impersonating Cyndi Lou Who.

  10. Alexandru says:

    This was funny, but really what has Ryder done to be in a WM match? Talk about luck. Amazed he’s even still employed

    • Peter says:

      Pretty sure the answer to ‘really what has Ryder done’ is ‘not be injured’, though one would of course hope his years of service and past as both a tag team and US champ would mean every once in a while he gets a bone thrown his way. Even if you don’t like Ryder that should be ideally how it works, no?

  11. Gotchism For Life says:

    Poo poo poo!

    I know that was weak, just wanted in.

  12. The Wedginator says:

    Why is Zack Ryder always singled out for not belonging? Sin Cara and Stardust haven’t exactly been in the limelight.

  13. Geoff says:

    Dude, you just went Dr. Seuss on us. What is it you are trying to do do do?

  14. EWA Beach Boy says:

    I knew it.

    The Social Outcasts are just an extended Swerved episode too, right?

  15. PMH says:

    Ryder just won the title.

  16. Vincent says:

    Makes one wonder what would happen if this actually did occur…

  17. Sean O says:

    I wonder how many of us are eating crow right now?

  18. Paul Sebert says:

    Can’t wait to see Ryder drop the title to El Torito on Raw tonight! Oh wait did I spoil it?

    • Doc 902714 says:

      Close. Miz. But we did get a return of Maryse or so it seems to be heading that way. Awesome!

      • Philip says:

        I’m hoping that since they’ve started acknowledging the fact that Ryder & Emma are dating, we get a Miz & Maryse vs. Ryder & Emma feud. That could be fun.

        • Guest says:

          Yeah because lord knows how good the Dolph Ziggler/Lana – Rusev/Summer Rae feud was

          And how it worked wonders for the careers of those involved.

    • Peter says:

      El Torito would have been less off a joke than what actually happened.

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