Headlies: WWE To Produce “Buddy Cop” Movie Starring CM Punk And Mark Henry

18 Submitted by on Tue, 23 April 2013, 10:00


Stamford, CT – During a meeting at Titan Towers, WWE CEO Vince McMahon announced plans to release a new movie under through WWE Studios that will turn the failing studio around.

“I’ve got a great new idea for our next movie,” barked Mr. McMahon. “I watched a new movie called ‘Lethal Weapon’ last night on laser disc and thought it was great. It had action, suspense, comedy, and lots and lots of explosions. It starred Mel Gibson and Danny Glover…”

Triple H cut McMahon off, saying, “Uh, we know Vince. It was a pretty popular movie. In 1987. They actually made a bunch of sequels too.”

“Oh, well, I’ve never heard of it so it couldn’t have been that popular.” dismissed McMahon. “Anyway, we could have our own cop movie starring two opposites that, despite their differences, manage to save the day. I took the liberty of writing out a few ideas,” said McMahon, reaching for his Apple Newton. “It’s going to be called ‘Fat Man and Little Boy’ starring CM Punk as brash rookie Bill ‘Fat Man’ Walker and Mark Henry as the seasoned veteran Andre ‘Little Boy’ Jackson.

McMahon continued, “They have very different styles, but manage to get the job done. Fat Man keeps rushing into things, expects to be rewarded for doing a good job, and speaks his mind too often. Little Boy just tries to do his job, all the while saying ‘I’m too old for this stuff.’ The main villain will be Robert Patrick who did such a great job for us on The Marine. He wants revenge on both Fat Man and Little Boy for sending his son to jail. Or something. We can even include The Shield as his bodyguards. It’s a great chance for us to showcase our talented Superstars and put out an entertaining product ”

“Vince that’s….actually a pretty good idea,” said a surprised Triple H. The room murmured in agreement. “Especially the part where you call CM Punk ‘Fat Man’. He sure does have a skinny fat ass!” chuckled Triple H. “As long as we keep it pretty simple, we may actually make money off this.”

McMahon, feeling confident in his new idea, said, “Oh, and the love interest is going to be my daughter, Stephanie!”

The room responded with a mixture of groans of disgust, agonized screams, and the sound of hair being ripped out.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
18 Responses to "Headlies: WWE To Produce “Buddy Cop” Movie Starring CM Punk And Mark Henry"
  1. DownWithOPC says:

    I’ll buy that for a dollar!


    Chief: Henry! You don’t just bust in my office and talk me like that! I’ve had it with your crap!


    Cheif: What exactly does that mean?


  3. John says:

    For the direct to DVD sequel it will be Kofi Kingston as Tom “Whitey” Fitzpatrick as a cop on the edge looking for a serial killer played by The Miz his character called Muhammed “Ace of Spades” Patterson. They’ll team up eventually to go after the person who killed their father who will played by Triple H his name Vance MacMan. (Not to be confused with anyone living or dead or a father in Law)

  4. Charles says:

    Couldn’t be any worse than any of Marine movies

  5. Sir Thomas says:

    Why do I get the feeling we just gave Vince McMahon ideas?

  6. bret_owen99 says:

    If Steph had no lines, and did a sex scene, I’d be all for that!

  7. Forest George says:

    I would actually pay money to see Henry and Punk in a cop movie.

  8. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    I’d totally pay money to see this movie!

  9. Autrach Sejanoz says:

    Shut up & take my money!

  10. Hefflef says:

    If you are a wrestler and always wanted to be in a movie WWE seems to be the place to be. Brodus Clay is in the new horror flick they just made.

    • Tommy B Rude says:

      I won’t kid myself into thinking that movie isn’t gonna be crap, but I’ve been saying for the last 15 years that someone should make a ‘wrong turn’ movie where the victim is more dangerous than the killers. So if nothing else, I give WWE credit for making my horror film fantasy actually come true.

  11. Alan says:

    I’ve always found it funny that WWE TV is aimed at families with their TV-PG rating, but nearly all of the “films” they put out are rated R. It makes no sense whatsoever.

  12. Dannie says:

    I’ll wait for it to come on Netflix

  13. Matt says:

    If WWE actually wants to make a buddy cop film, they can go one of two ways, and either would probably make the company a nice chunk of change.

    WAY #1 – The film focuses more on comedy than action; the two cops are played by everyone’s favorite pranksters, Triple H and Shawn Michaels. DX as cops…think of the possibilities!

    WAY #2 – The film has comedy in it, but a lot of dry humor, and has more action, explosions, car chases, etc. The two cops are played by Kane and The Undertaker.

leave a comment