Headlies: WWE Sells Roman Reigns Valentine’s Day Cards

6 Submitted by on Fri, 10 February 2017, 08:00


Pensacola, FL – In honor of Valentine’s Day, WWE has released a series of Roman Reigns-themed Valentine’s Day cards.

“When I think of love, I think of Roman Reigns,” said WWE CEO Vince McMahon. “He’s just so strong and handsome. I mean look at those eyes! That smile! That long luxurious hair that can barely be tamed! Those huge, bulging biceps just aching to be rubbed with warm baby oil!”

McMahon took several seconds to compose himself before continuing.

“We know our fans love Roman Reigns so WWE is giving them Roman by the barrel-full. This past week on WWE.com, we released limited-edition Roman Reigns Valentine’s Day cards. Tell your loved ones, sweeties, boos, and various other significant others how much they mean to you with a Roman Reigns VD card. Whether they have Superman-punched your heart or speared you into wedded bliss, let Roman tell them! Happy VD, WWE Universe!”

“This opens up a whole new avenue for us: Roman Reigns merchandise for all holidays,” said McMahon, his eyes wide with delight. “We can have Roman Reigns trees for Arbor Day. Roman Reigns Columbus Day hats. Roman Reigns Secretary’s Day appreciation gift cards. Roman Reigns Hemorrhoid Awareness Month inflatable donuts! Yes! YES!!!” screamed McMahon before passing out.

While sale numbers on the Roman Reigns Valentine’s Day cards have yet to be released, a printing error of a Kevin Owens Valentine’s Day prototype card (shown below) has already sold out.


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From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
6 Responses to "Headlies: WWE Sells Roman Reigns Valentine’s Day Cards"
  1. John C says:

    Vince then went into his personal screening room and watched his favorite Valentine’s Day movie, Roman Holiday and imagined his own special remake of it.

  2. Geoff says:

    Then after composing himself, Vince cackled again, this time for 37 minutes and 15 seconds. Not quite breaking his old record but coming very close. He was then lead off the pedestal by Stephanie and Kevin Dunn. Triple H continued:

    “Sorry that’s all folks”

  3. Jeremy says:

    With all those valentines, you can just call him Romance Reigns.

  4. John C says:

    “Look, pal we could even Roman Reigns Prostate Awareness Day Cards. Now that’s a spear I’m willing to take a bump for pal.”

  5. MistaMaddog says:

    “I’m not a bad guy…
    I’m not a good guy…
    …I’m THE guy who loves you!”

    Well somebody had to write it.

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