Headlies: WWE Releases “The Self-Destruction of CM Punk” DVD

20 Submitted by on Fri, 07 February 2014, 08:00

Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds

Des Moines, IA – During this week’s edition of Smackdown, WWE announced that they are releasing a brand new DVD entitled “The Self-Destruction of CM Punk”. The release comes as a surprise as there had been no previous mentions of the DVD being written, filmed, produced, and shipped to stores.

“I admit the turn-around was quick, but we here at the WWE want to give the fans what we, I mean they, want,” said Triple H. “The DVD will show CM Punk at his most vulnerable: from his humble beginnings wrestling in pissy high school gyms in Mississippi to his boring and pointless run as World Heavyweight Champion. It’s all in there!”

Punk, who recently quit the company, was not interviewed for the DVD. Instead, the WWE relied on “those who know him best as handpicked by Triple H himself” to give their perspective on his tumultuous career. Interviewees include Triple H, Stephanie McMahon, Kevin Dunn, Brooklyn Brawler, Batista, Teddy Hart, and Elijah Burke. Several of Punk’s matches will also appear on the DVD, including his feud with Mike Knox over Kelly Kelly, losing his title to JBL on Raw, and all his matches against Ryback.

“We’ll have plenty of stuff from his OVW days,” said Triple H. “Lots of shots of him when he tried to bulk up and wore eyeliner. Lots. I really want the WWE Universe to see how high Punk rose and how far he fell. Stupid skinny fat-ass.”

Chapter titles include “Yeah, He Wrestled In CZW”, “Only Internet Geeks Care About Colt Cabana”, “It’s Your Own Fault Creative Has Nothing For You” and “Beth Phoenix? Really?”

The DVD will be available in all retail locations and streaming on Netflix, Hulu, Amazon and the new WWE Network. It will also be included in all copies of Triple H: Thy Kingdom Come and The Complete History of the XFL 10-disc box set.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
20 Responses to "Headlies: WWE Releases “The Self-Destruction of CM Punk” DVD"
  1. patricko says:


  2. John C says:

    And as a second feature: “No! No! No! The Daniel Bryan Story=We Don’t Care What You Idiots Want Start Loving Batista Again

  3. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    I’d totally buy this if it was real.

  4. RD Reynolds says:

    Could totally see this happening if Vince wasn’t around.

  5. AK says:

    Looks like fun for the whole family.

    WWE might as well just make this a series. Pretty sure they have no shortage of guys they can use and then eventually make nice with and induct into the Hall of Fame.

  6. BigPoppaNasty says:

    This DVD is soon to be followed by “Chris Jericho: A Coward’s Tale” and “Booker T: Who The Hell Are You?”

  7. s1mon86 says:

    after this DVD set comes out there is the much hyped set ‘How HHH having sex with a mannequin destroyed YOUR career not his: The story of Kane after you stopped caring about it’ to be released. With the build up to No Mercy 2002, the rape storyline with Lita and Matt, the thing with Umaga and all the pointless crap that kept Kane from getting anywhere

  8. Mamwich says:

    I wear skinny jeans! Deal with it!
    *thumbs to chest

  9. Raven7309 says:

    I sooo want the “Complete History of the XFL” dvd box set.

  10. Andrew says:

    I posted this on another site’s group, I’m a member of and I guarantee you I’ll some people actually believe this is real, it’s so funny.

  11. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    I love the pictures you picked to use on the DVD cover!

  12. BaltoJim says:

    I’d buy the XFL box set if they also threw in a The Rise and Fall of the World Bodybuilding Federation DVD.

  13. TK says:

    Wow a Self Destruction of CM Punk DVD and no Kevin Nash input?! Feels incomplete or destined to a sequel.

  14. Down With OPC says:

    The Pope returns!

  15. Fraser Buchanan says:

    I would love to see a tongue-in-cheek trailer for this DVD from WWE if C.M. Punk ever comes back to wrestle there.

  16. Hashington says:

    Coming to wwe this month: lookalike jobber named IM Junk

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