Headlies: WWE Pondering Producing Dead Puppy Bowl

6 Submitted by on Sat, 02 February 2013, 20:00

With the Super Bowl just hours away, rumors have begun circulating that Vince McMahon had plans to once again compete with a league of his own. We’ve learned that while this is in fact true, information has come about that suggests there were no plans to rekindle the XFL. What the company had in mind was something far more family friendly.

At least initially.

An internal memo procured from a dumpster behind Titan Towers documents plans the company had to take on the second most popular bowl taking place today, Animal Planet’s Puppy Bowl. The memo notes the success the network has had in marketing the annual spectacle, and how WWE could one-up the presentation. “The Puppy Bowl is boring,” the memo notes. “All they do is play. Where is the action? Drama? We can definitely do this better.”

The next bit of information included a call sheet for the filming of said program, with such names as: Damien, Frankie, George, Matilda, and various other animals that have been associated with wrestlers in the past. What is most interesting is a hand-written scrawl at the bottom on the sheet in red ink noting “If they’re dead, find replacements. Seriously, is anyone going to call us and say ‘that’s not the original Winston’?”

It would seem that the idea, however, was rapidly put to a halt following a trial run of the show in the basement of Titan Tower, as PETA wound up with footage of the event courtesy of an unidentified WWE employee. PETA spokesperson Roger Merriweather stated, “We couldn’t believe what we were seeing. It was a violent exploitation of animals, some of which were obviously under the influence of performance enhancing stimulants. There was also a crazy old man in a crown screaming ‘puppies’ constantly at the top of his lungs.”

WWE reportedly shelved the idea permanently when PETA noted they used the same law firm as the World Wildlife Foundation.

Written by

The very first wrestling match that I ever saw was Adam Bomb versus The Undertaker. The very first pay-per-view that I ever saw was King of the Ring 1995. I've been knee deep in the crap since the beginning and I'm not looking to clean myself up anytime soon, thank you very much! This is a dream come true.
6 Responses to "Headlies: WWE Pondering Producing Dead Puppy Bowl"
  1. Just as long as the dogs aren’t being fed “Pepper”, this will work out. I think in this alternate universe, Michael Vick played for the Birmingham Thunderbolts, and joins WWE to get revenge for what Kane did to his 3rd cousin.

  2. As long as there’s a cameo by Pepper, I’m all for it.

    • All this talk of Pepper reminds me of the time I saw Al Snow eating in a diner with some blonde not far from Tazz’s house in Massapequa, Long Island, New York. (Tazz lived on the same block as my friends.). I *so* wanted to walk up to Al and tell him to “try the peppersteak”, but I didn’t have the nerve.

      Just a random rememberance that popped into my head as I was reading the Pepper comments.

  3. Thomas Moffatt says:

    There could be the kennel in the cell part 2 in a moment of Wrestlecrap overload…

  4. Unknown says:

    Liked the World Wildlife Fund reference.

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