Headlies: WWE Partners With Ancestry.com For New Website

12 Submitted by on Mon, 12 August 2013, 14:00

Provo, Utah – World Wresting Entertainment is proud to announce that have have partnered with Ancestry.com, the world’s largest for-profit genealogy company in world.

“We here at WWE are absolutely thrilled to work with a company like Ancestry.com,” said Stephanie McMahon. “They are a well-established and respectable company. Plus their commercials are so cute and clever. The WWE Universe loves their wrestling history and we feel that with Ancestry.com’s help, we can create the most extensive and detailed wrestling-based family tree ever!”

The joint website, WWEfamilytree.com, will chronicle all the family connections in WWE, WCW, ECW, AWA, Stampede, Smokey Mountain, and more. From the McMahon family to the Von Erichs, fans will now be able to trace just who is related to who in the world of wrestling. Ever wanted to know just how many illegitimate children Mrs. Dudley had? Or if Jimmy Jack Funk has been invited back to the Double Cross Ranch for a family reunion? Now you’ll be able to get all the facts straight.

“All the families will be there,” said McMahon. “The Rhodes’ family, the Ortons, the Harts, the Rougeaus, the Fatus, the Briscos, the Garvins, the Hardys, the Vachons, the Guerreros, the Hearst Helmsleys, the Undertaker-Kane-Bearers, the Armstrongs, the Johnsons, the Andersons, the Colons, the Gagnes, the DiBiases, the Wyatts, the Snukas, the Flairs, the Anoa’is, the Hogans, the Lawlers, the Hennings, the Giant Gonzales’s, and so many more.”

WWE plans to release two versions of the website, a “Kayfabe” version and a “Shoot” version. While the Kayfabe version will be free to all users, the Shoot version will be $9.99 per month. Beta-tester and level 37 Spellcaster, Gunter Hotnog, said, “Oh, man, this website is totes sweet! It’s uber helpful in solving arguments. One time, I almost said that Rosey was Afa’s son instead of Sika. Boy, that would have been embarrassing!” said Hotnog as he wiped the Cheez-It crumbs from his vintage John Cena “Chaingang” football jersey.

Ancestry.com President and CEO Tim Sullivan said of the partnership, “Wrestling fans will buy just about anything. Seriously, take a look at shop.wwe.com. They’re selling a cut-out of CM Punk’s face with a string attached to the back and call it a mask! Genius! We here at Ancestry.com love making money and wrestling fans love spending it. It’s win-win!”

Several storylines have already been created in conjunction with the website including the revelation that Zack Ryder is the long-lost nephew of the Yeti and JTG is the direct descendant of a long line of racist gimmicks.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
12 Responses to "Headlies: WWE Partners With Ancestry.com For New Website"
  1. GG Duce says:

    Wait – Giant Gonzales’S????

    Oh no.

  2. John Matrix says:

    That Hart family tree is sagging under the weight of all those branches.

  3. CarlMarksGuy says:

    Now, if only they had Kayfabe Storyline Flow-Charting like that, they’d save a fortune on database space:

    every storyline disappears, never to be seen again, after a few months!

  4. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    That’s actually a really good idea…

  5. Thomas Moffatt says:

    It would be funny if it was revealed that Triple H was indeed Vince McMahon’s illegitimate son and not just a tease in a storyline

    • Joe T says:

      This sounds better than the current WM30 build up of who is in charge. Maybe Shawn Michaels could be the real father of Nipple H’s kids so they have a chance of doing good promos in the future.

  6. Steven Gepp says:

    I think we ALL need one of these with the Samoan wrestling family tree. That thing is so convoluted I think Rikishi was his own uncle.

    • "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

      The Samoan Wrestling Family History book would be bigger than War And Peace and The Bible combined!

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