Headlies: WWE Officials Beg Vince McMahon Not To Do A Columbus Day Skit

10 Submitted by on Mon, 10 October 2016, 08:00


Oakland, CA – Tensions ran high during the pre-Raw creative meeting as WWE CEO Vince McMahon insisted on the show including a skit about Columbus Day.

“I don’t see what the problem is,” said a frustrated McMahon. “Whenever Raw falls on a holiday, we do a holiday-related skit. Remember on Halloween, we have the women dress up in their favorite costumes? Remember that one time around Christmas when we had Alberto Del Rio hit Santa with his car? How about that time when we had The Great Khali be tall and motionless during Arbor Day? That was great!”

Several writers looked at each other uneasily.

“Dad, it’s 2016,” said Stephanie McMahon. “Public perception of Christopher Columbus has changed a lot in the last few years. Maybe it’s best that we just sit this one out.”

“Nonsense,” dismissed McMahon. “I have a great idea! We’ll get Tatanka, Chief Jay Strongbow, and Wahoo McDaniel to come out. I’ll dress up like Columbus and make them all kiss my ass!”

“Pop, that’s not going to work. For several reasons,” said Triple H.

“Okay, fine. I’ve got other ideas,” said McMahon, leafing through a pile of notes. “Here’s one: Natalya will be the Nina, Summer Rae will be the Pinta, Nia Jax will be the Santa Maria. They’ll have a pillow fight and the winner will be declared The New World World Champion!”

“Dad, I think it’s time to stop,” said Shane McMahon. “The show will be just fine without having to do something for Columbus Day.

“Okay, Okay. Last one,” said McMahon. “I put on a face paint and a headdress, Seth Rollins puts on a Christopher Columbus wig and hat and we do “How’s On First?” Huh? Huh?”

“Stop! Stop! It’s like he’s making doody on my brain!” screamed head of television production Kevin Dunn.

“See, Dad? You made Kevin cry!” said Stephanie.

“Vince, if you stop with this Columbus Day stuff, you can do something for Thanksgiving!” said Triple H.

“Can it involve Big Show eating a lot of turkey and stuffing and pie?” asked Vince.

“Yeah, that’s okay,” said Shane. “No insensitive Native American jokes, though.”

“Fine, we’ll just wait until Christmas,” said a disappointed Vince McMahon.

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From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
10 Responses to "Headlies: WWE Officials Beg Vince McMahon Not To Do A Columbus Day Skit"
  1. John C says:

    “Ok, but let me leave you with this one last pitch, Tatanka is in front of the arena with his tomahawk and then Sergeant Slaughter walks about to him and tells him not to scalp tickets. Get it.”

    Vince would then begin his trademark insane cackle for the next several weeks.

  2. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    That image cracked me up the instant I saw it. 🙂 Oh yeah and the Headlie is funny too. 🙂 Nice job.

  3. Geoff says:

    He made Kevin Dunn cry! How can you make your own parasite cry? Does he get brownie points for that?

  4. CF says:

    If Vince is guaranteed a Thanksgiving sketch, it makes me feel very much better about being at the Turkey Night Grand Prix instead of a WWE event….

  5. den aleff says:

    Wahoo mcdaniels is dead!!??

  6. Mav says:

    “that time when we had The Great Khali be tall and motionless during Arbor Day”

    Well done.

  7. MistaMaddog says:

    Then all of the sudden, John Nord as The Berseker comes busting through the wall…

    “Hey Vince, everyone knows that the Vikings landed in the New World before Columbus did! Huss! Huss! HUSS! !”

  8. Geoff says:

    Wait wait wait. Everyone knows that the Asians came over 1000 years before the Vikings even landed. So if anyone is right, Mr. Fuji has something to say about it.

  9. Sawney says:

    A small joke match between three wrestlers dressed as Columbus’ ships sounds like it could be funny. Not sure if I’d pay for it, but it could be funny.

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