Headlies: WWE Now Selling Roman Reigns/Can Of Dog Food Battle Pack

3 Submitted by on Mon, 09 December 2019, 08:00

Stamford, CT – Following the dastardly attack by King Corbin and Dolph Ziggler on Roman Reigns, WWE has decided to capitalize on the incident with brand new action figures.

After defeating Ziggler on Friday Night Smackdown, Roman Reigns was beaten down and chained to a ring post. In an act that enraged the WWE Universe and PETA, Ziggler and Corbin poured can after can of dog food on to the Big Dog. The villains smeared the gooey food all over Reigns, preventing him from receiving the proper nutrients that growing dogs need.

“It was a terrible attack and both King Corbin and Dolph Ziggler. They will be given a time-out until they’ve learned their lesson,” said Vince McMahon. “But with tragedy comes opportunity. Seeing my precious Roman covered in chicken and liver made me realize what a perfect team they are.”

Just in time for Christmas, WWE is now selling a Roman Reigns and Can Of Dog Food action figure battle pack. Each pack with contain one Roman Reigns figure and one expired can of Alpo dog food.

“Don’t worry about the expired food. I’ve been having Kevin Dunn eat can after can to make sure it’s safe,” assured McMahon.

“Now the WWE Universe can recreate the legendary moment over and over again!” said McMahon. “You can dunk Roman, you can douse him, or you can smear it all over the Big Dog. It’s his yard and he’s hungry!”

Depending on sales, WWE is also considering a “Roman Reigns covered in dog food” costume for next Halloween.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
3 Responses to "Headlies: WWE Now Selling Roman Reigns/Can Of Dog Food Battle Pack"
  1. John C says:

    “Bro, I got dahh poifect soleution to dahh probh-alem bro. A dohg food can on dahh pole match bro. In a swerve bro we’ll have daaah Big Cat come out bro and throw kitty littah on everyone bro.”

    In a matter of honesty, I haven’t watched the show from my DVR yet to fully fast forward over the segment yet, busy watching The Best Of Pete Doherty, but while it sounds terrible I assume it probably really is terrible. How much longer until we hear this promo, “Coming up this Saturday Night at 3am on Fox Sports 2, it’s late Saturday Night/Early Sunday Morning Smackdown not live!!!!!!”

  2. John Q Occupier says:

    “The dog poop! The dog poop!”
    “It’s dog food, Cole…”

  3. Thomas Moffatt says:

    Vince began to cackled but suddenly stopped halfway through and looked at his crotch. He became aware that he was aroused by the thought of Roman Reigns smeared in dog food…

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