Headlies: WWE Celebrates the “Running Of The Mantaur”

13 Submitted by on Wed, 25 September 2013, 08:00

Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds

Omaha, NE – At a house show this past weekend, WWE celebrated their annual “Running Of The Mantaur” backstage, pitting their Superstars against a charging Mantaur.

Wrestlers ran throughout the a sectioned-off part of the CenturyLink Center as Mantaur, wearing his iconic gigantic bison head, chased after them. Several brave wrestlers got close enough to taunt and hit Mantaur with rolled up contracts.

Enraged, Mantaur let out a devastating “moo” attack, sending several wrestlers to the ground, including Dolph Ziggler, who instinctively landed on his neck. To escape from being gored, Justin Gabriel executed a beautiful, if unappreciated, 450 splash into a pile of hot dog buns by the catering table. Even JTG could not escape unscathed as Mantaur slammed into a trash can he had been hiding in to avoid being seen by upper management.

“I’m just really happy to be back here in the WWE,” said Mantaur during a brief break. “I didn’t have a great run back in the 90’s, but I still enjoyed my time. Heck, I lasted 10 minutes at the Royal Rumble. Not many people can say that.”

“Hey, Mantaur, get your butt back in there! Los Matadores need their practice!” barked Triple H.

“Okay, Hunter. I just needed a few minutes to catch my breath. It’s awfully hot under that thing. Now that I’m thinking about it, when do I get to sign that Legends contract you promised me?” asked Mantaur.

“Mantaurs can’t talk,” insistedTriple H as he shoved the large bison headback on top of Mantaur.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
13 Responses to "Headlies: WWE Celebrates the “Running Of The Mantaur”"
  1. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    You assume he can run? I think you give him too much credit.

  2. Michael Maiello says:

    Dream match! Mantaur vs. Rhyno

  3. CarlMarksGuy says:

    I love Triple H’s “Mantaurs can’t talk” argument — truly, this man is ready to step into Vince’s shoes and run a business where you can employ someone for decades without them being classified as an “employee.” I can only assume that Trips is upset with Mantaur because Mantaur skipped out on the check during the “My Dinner with Mantaur” story.

    Speaking of long lost story lines, I appreciated the mention of JTG’s stealth-based employment. He’s got Stevie Richards’s contract longevity combined with Repo Man’s stealth!

    and hey, JustinGabrielExecutedABeautifulifUnappreciated450splashIntoAPileOfHotDogBuns.com — I bet that’s not taken!

  4. Adam Cota says:

    lol This is too damn good…

  5. Rose Harmon says:

    I like the running JTG joke.

  6. GG Duce says:

    Several laugh out loud lines/references in this one.

    Brilliantly written!

  7. Guest says:

    Speaking of Los Matadores, should we start a pool to see how quick they get their own induction?

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