Headlies: WWE Announces Divas Money In The Bank Match

8 Submitted by on Thu, 26 June 2014, 08:00


Boston, MA – During a press conference to promote the next Pay Per View, Triple H announced that for the first time ever, there will be an all-Divas Money In The Bank ladder match.

“We’re really excited to get the girls in there to really mix things up and show the WWE Universe what it means to be a Divas,” said Triple H. “They’re sexy, powerful, and hardcore. I mean, did you see Aksana knee Naomi in the face a few months ago? Extreme. Eva Marie vs. Summer Rae? Brutal. Emma’s character development? Harsh. Might as well throw some ladders and tables into the mix. Plus, we’ve got to kill like 15 minutes so the crowd can go buy beer and soiled Bray Wyatt tank tops. ”

“I’m still not ready to fight AJ, but I’m ready for this match,” said Divas champion Paige. She then turned to Triple H and quietly asked “Can I go back to NXT now?”

“Ladder?” asked Eva Marie. “My favorite ladder is the ladder ‘R’ because that’s the sound my tummy makes when I’m hungry.”

“I’m a hamster!” screamed Alicia Fox, who was wearing half of a cantaloupe on her head.

“Naturally, the Diva’s title will be up for grabs since we currently don’t have a champion,” said Triple H.

A disheveled WWE writing assistant whispered into Triple H’s ear.

“Really? Her? When did that happen?” asked Triple H.

The writing assistant whispered into Triple H’s ear again.

“Really, that long ago? No kidding. Did I OK that?”

The assistant nodded sheepishly.

Triple H shrugged, “Eh, whatever. The match is for the vacant title.”

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
8 Responses to "Headlies: WWE Announces Divas Money In The Bank Match"
  1. Hashington says:

    Time for Triple H to carry that division himself

  2. AK says:

    I think they are just keeping the title warm for when Aurora Rose Levesque makes her WWE debut. If she starts now, she’ll be in excellent shape to match if not exceed the Fabulous Moolah as the longest running champion ever, net alone Women’s champion. Since streaks don’t appear to be sacred anymore to the WWE (See: Undertaker, The), I can see this as a real possibility.

    Although with little Aurora about to turn 8 she’d need to hold the title until age 35 or 36 to break the record. Maybe they would be better off letting either Murphy Claire or Vaughan Evelyn conquer the streak.

  3. Doc75 says:

    Az much az i hate to say this but dont doubt this couldnt happen in the near future. i mean the divaz MITB match not Aurora being longest reigning womenz champ. oofa i need big mug of sweet tea lol.

  4. That Don Guy says:

    Hmmm…a Divas ladder match might actually be interesting (if they can find a way of keeping it from being a massive botchfest).

    As for the future, I can see a return of the Divas Tag-Team Title between “Rosie Aurora” & “Claire Murphy” (you don’t think WWE would use their real names, do you?) and “Bri & Kim, the Beulah Babes” (or “Dream(er)girls” if they’re still pretending to be PG). At least Dreamer’s daughters are already TV stars (they played a character on an episode of The Sopranos).

    (Note to self: trademark “Dreamergirls” and “Beulah Babes” before Vince, or TNA, gets any ideas.)

  5. Rhaysha Afghanet says:

    Why don’t they make a Divas Tag Team Championship ?? What could possibly go wrong ??

  6. RenzoAC says:

    Hey! This actually is going to happen!

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